I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just know that is perfectly okay to not have the motivation to do something. Depression and anxiety aside, we all do this and just don't always admit it. Admittedly, depression and anxiety can be a factor but I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. You are going to be okay. I'm rooting for you! {{virtual hugs}}

LOL. Back at you.

Not all the replies. I mean that some person on the post itself will remind the OP to get tested.

I won't deny that people automatically go to that if it's a mm relationship but I've seen tons of posts related to cheating on reddit with those suggestions. Go check out some posts on r/relationships or something and you'll see what I mean

>!Most people hold biases like this, but aren't consciously aware of them.

I'm not one of these people. And just because I suggested getting tested you shouldn't assume I am one.

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I’m in the exact same situation here. I’m a senior in college, and Im finding it really hard to motivate myself to get my ass out of bed in the mornings and go to class (but I don’t skip class, I’m usually just like 30 minutes late).

From what it sounded like what she is feeling and going through is so far outside his realm of comprehension he cant properly deal.

Which is why i keep suggest he attends a few sessions of therapy with her so he can be pulled back in informed and opened up to being shared with otherwise it sounds like this relationship is gonna split he caught her lying and it caused him to shut down and close off. If he cant deal and open back up and talk and deal then a split is likely and with that she is gonna crash down further than before and this time she may choose to actually dissappear...

My soon to be ex-wife cheated multiple times. I blamed myself for a lot of it. But the thing that’s still hard for me to accept and understand is that you are not responsible for the decisions of other people.

You did not make him cheat. He made the decision to break your trust. He chose to hide that from you.

You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. His. Decisions.

>My NUMBER ONE ADVICE is go get tested when cheating is the issue.

It's always good advice.

>when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

You didn't explicitly mention it.

I'm speaking to some of the subconscious assumptions people hold, that causes them to immediately jump to getting tested in this situation.

>Whoever got cheated on SHOULD GET TESTED.

I agree. Fully.

But the fact a much, much higher percentage of comments mention this with a bisexual cheater hints at internalized biases that Bisexuals are "dirty" and "unclean."

I should know- I hold some of these biases myself, due to religious teachings as a child (and an abusive, homophobic father), and am Bisexual. Obviously, this contradiction is a problem for my self-image: but I'm aware of the problem.

Most people hold biases like this, but aren't consciously aware of them.

UpdateMe!

If he didn't do it now its very possible he would've another time or already has. Dont blame yourself.

/update me!

Nah. Literally every cheating post that I've seen on reddit suggests this, most are straight relationships.

r/labybonergw 🫣

Besides personal exp cause of a huge family, it's in articles about potty training boys.

OP is a woman.

You need to get out of the habit of treating people you heard cheated (which, might not even be true: this story sounds real, but people definitely make up false claims. For instance, my father, who cheated on my mother, made up false claims she cheated on him so people would hate her instead...) as inhuman.

This is really no different than how some people treat the homeless, drug addicts, etc. Or how people used to treat men and women, simply for being gay.

These people are all still human. Maybe one hurt you in the past: but that's no excuse to treat an entire group of people who made one mistake as inhuman monsters.

And, again, I've seen how people can abuse this tendency by spreading false rumors about someone cheating.

All that changed was that he did it now rather than later

>!This is always good advice- but, having seen many posts exactly like this before, but not involving another man, I will say this: it's telling that far more people jump to STI's in this case.

My NUMBER ONE ADVICE is to go get tested when cheating is the issue.

>!But homosexual and bisexual men AREN'T inherently any more promiscuous than their straight counterparts.

when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

>!The fact that everyone immediately jumps to STI's with a bisexual cheater, while they wouldn't with a straight cheater, does say something about internalized bias: even if STI testing is always a good idea regardless.

Also when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

Cheating is cheating and it doesn't matter who one got cheated on with, a man or a woman. Whoever got cheated on SHOULD GET TESTED.

It's not you or that guy, it's the cheater's mindset that makes such things happening. Be kind to yourself!

>think it happened was that his friend came out during this time that they were apart and realized he had feelings towards your boyfriend back in their military days and he unfortunately did this.

This is my instinct too.

Those who serve together in the military develop a very close bond, and unfortunately that likely made it harder for the bf to resist the temptation to cheat.

He still screwed up, BAD, but cheating with someone you were in literal life-and-death situations with is at least a little understandable.

>Since you two have this intimacy of using each others phones, just be honest with him: tell him exactly what you told here about you trying to take a picture of your cat, that the message popped up and you couldn't help feeling uneasy... it is an extraordinary thing to happen to anyone and I think he'll understand why you read their conversation.

Honesty is indeed always the best policy.

A lot of people here saying "fuck it, he's a cheater" need to realize cheaters are still human- and there's no reason to make things worse with them than necessary.

It reminds me far too much of how people treat drug addiction, the homeless, etc. I.E. dehumanizing others. Sadly, most of us could have been in their shoes were our upbringing and circumstances different.

Also, this kind of dehumanization becomes so toxic that people can ruin someone's reputation merely by spreading falsely rumors of past drug use, sexual deviance, etc.

I know my father spread such completely false rumors about my mother after her divorcing him, for instance (in reality, he cheated on her).

So, don't get in the habit of dehumanizing others.

That's like saying straight men will always cheat with women. Or straight women will always cheat with men. Your comments are not only disgusting, but so harmful to bisexual people (and very false.)

Do better.

He still cheated, I think you should tell him you know asap and take it from there.

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>My first thought would be don't stay with a cheater.

Indeed.

>One thing you need for sure is to get tested. Being cheated on always brings the risk of STDs.

This is always good advice- but, having seen many posts exactly like this before, but not involving another man, I will say this: it's telling that far more people jump to STI's in this case.

Yes, gay sex is definitely more risky than straight sex if unprotected.

But homosexual and bisexual men AREN'T inherently any more promiscuous than their straight counterparts, despite a lot of biased claims to the contrary (I will also acknowledge: those fully in "gay culture" in the 70's were more promiscuous, but HIV but an end to that...)

The fact that everyone immediately jumps to STI's with a bisexual cheater, while they wouldn't with a straight cheater, does say something about internalized bias: even if STI testing is always a good idea regardless.