He did fuck up by witholding this information, but not by staying friends.

He should be upfront about it with possible new partners and find someone who it doesn't bother.

I was thinking this too. Was it that they had smaller interpersonal space but otherwise a genuinely platonic friendship that tipped her off or were Jake and Lena deliberately dropping hints or even trying to mark OP as their territory? I was originally thinking the former but if they are now going on about him choosing some girl over them, I wonder if they deliberately or accidentally in purpose sabotaged things to get their triad back.

My piece of advice regarding this scenario and scenarios like it: When in doubt, reverse the situation.

(I wish I could give this advice to Sabrina, as well. Did she not have a past before you?)

Different people have different thresholds for these things. I am friends with exes, and made it clear to my partner when I met him that I am friends with them. The reason I do not hang out with them alone anymore is simply because, if I reverse it in my mind, it makes me uncomfortable. I tell them honestly: "You are still my friend, but I respect my partner and in his position I'd feel like shit." This does not mean see-you-never, but it sure helps me feel I have been respectful, honest and maintained my own integrity. These are key values for me. Yours might be different.

So ask yourself: What are the values you hold for yourself? Your life? Your relationships?

Before I turn into a self-help nut, I just strongly feel that identifying these before going into and during any human relationship (romantic and otherwise) helps you curate stronger life experiences for yourself, and in my experience also makes for deeper, more trusted connections with others. If that's something you want.

A little late for OP now

You didn't "hide" anything. Telling her right off the bat would have been over-sharing. Why the hell would your tell an amazing girl you just started dating about your recent threesomes?

That being said, once you enter into things that aren't cultural norms, you have to accept the consequences as well. You can say all you want about how there's nothing wrong with the casual threesomes, but it speaks volumes that you told your friends about your newfound monogamy and they asked what it meant to your prior open relationship with them.

I'd hazard a guess that there's plenty of reason for your gf's suspicions... It's hardly a normal guess to make. So you weren't wrong for "hiding" it (it happened before her and you told her when she asked), but you arguably were wrong for staying friends with the two of them when there was quite obviously signals being passed back and forth that made your gf uncomfortable. You should have shut that shit down out of respect for your monogamous relationship... She deserves that.

>How could you be alone multiple times with past partners and think it was okay”

hon, this is obsessive behaviour and not okay on her part. You can't be in their company anymore? You haven't done anything with them, you've been loyal to her. This isn't something you tell a partner out of the blue. She needs to understand that.

He definitely did something wrong you don’t lie about that

Honestly the only fuckup I can see here is that you're pushing Jake and Lena away. Did you hide your past from Sabrina? No, when she asked, you were honest. Do you have to run around and tell every possible GF about fucking around with your friends in the past? For me, also no. The only question is, if Sabrina can live with what happened between the three of you or not. Maybe give her some time to think about all of this and reassure her, that those things are in the past.

OMG YOU HAD SEX???!!!11

How could you NOT be honest with "the most wonderful woman I have ever met."?!

There is nothing wrong with staying friends with past lovers. New partners are allowed to accept that or NOT to accept that.

Yes, that requires a type of confrontation and courage to discuss it. But for love of god, that was "most wonderful woman I have ever met.". She was worth taking a chance. And you cowarded.

Oh yeah for sure. For inbound calls he was one of the top performers, so they knew what was up 😂

You are french ? I am french, there are a lot of racists in here. I mean a fucking lot. This makes you feel like that but I think what you did has nothing to do with racism.

You have put into words quite succinctly what i was thinking

What confused me about that is, had she brought something up before about weird behaviours or is this the first time? Had sexual history ever been a discussion between these two? Past partners etc?

I may be overthinking it, but I've always been someone who has these discussions early and found that it works out well for me.

Sigh ngl if it was just pure friendship type thing Sabrina wouldn't have even guessed. But she was suspicious of things that made her ask this. Maybe your behaviour and all might seem only platonic to you guys but for others it must be obvious that there is/was something going on between you all.

The fact that Sabrina had strong enough suspicions to broach the subject suggests that it was apparent, eventually.

I disagree, I think the dynamic has nothing wrong in it at all, but I think the fact that OP didn't mention any of this to Sabrina was definitely a FU, and the fact that the first statement mentioned is "How could you keep this a secret from me?” succinctly sums up the betrayal.

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Thank you. I appreciate it

You should have been honest with Sabrina from the get go, at least found a way to tell her yourself sooner.

The rest depends on your behavior - were you explicitly platonic with your ex fuck buddies? Then she is projecting her own insecurities on you and that's not ok.

Did you remain flirty and sexual with them? In that case it is on you. You don't have to cut all ties with Jake and Lena, just make it clear that anything sexual that happened between you is in the past and your relationship from now on is strictly platonic. And act like it.

I don't necessarily think you need to cut them off your life, the biggest fuck up was probably not telling her. It might have gone more smoothly if she wasn't left in doubt and suspicion.

You completely turned a didn't fuck up into a fuck up. You have the title completely wrong. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings but...

i know this is a complicated issue, but i do hope you know that, while you have every right to feel the way you do, you didn't do anything wrong.

at least the way you put it, it sounds like it was just a complicated and hard situation. it sucks that it turned out the way it did, but it sounds like you handled it the best possible way.
she may be uncomfortable with you being friends with past partners, but that doesn't really make it bad, but i'm also not saying that she wasn't right to feel that way. it's a personal preference, and you guys just happened to clash on that one.

i hope everything works out, bud. i really do.

Contrary to what so many people believe - it is indeed possible to stop sleeping with people, and still remain friends.

You did not F-Up. Do not push away Jake and Lena. Talk to them. Let them help you through this like the close friends that they are.

We men have a horrible habit of suffering alone through shit like this. We don’t have to. I know this really sucks for you right now, everything hurts, and pushing people away seems like the right idea. But you really don’t have to do that.

That sucks, but I'm really glad team leaders listened to the issue and helped with a solution instead of fobbing him off