It doesn't sound like they trust mom with much of anything, let alone parenting, given her addiction/mental health issues, and it doesn't seem like OP trusts them enough to let them know boyfriend's phone number / identity.

it sounds like they did call her brother at an hour when her brother would pick up, and he let them know she was at her boyfriends. in the absence of other information, they probably still expected that she would come home, which is why they didnt do anything else until 4am.

but yeah, hopefully it works out. i think OP is confusing "grandparents disapprove of my decision to stay at my boyfriends" with "grandparents think i might be face down in a drain pool somewhere."

I just don’t understand the point of these obvious creative writing exercises, so many posts are obviously some weird fantasy writing or bait

You definitely want the police to take every missing persons report seriously, which is why it is deadly serious your grandparents do not abuse the system to try and control you. Establishing a "pattern" could result in the one time they finally do report you missing when it matters getting ignored because its "yet another runaway report from grandma" followed up with "shes an adult now she can do what she wants" and you're actually lost or missing.

Did you tell them you may not be coming home that night? If so, totally unnecessary. If not, what they did was a bit extreme but not totally unwarranted.

Remember. Boyfriend/girlfriend also includes the word "friend" so "crashing at a friend's house since they live closer to work" is an accurate statement.

I can see that interpretation. It strikes me as funny that they would leave her mother sleeping, and not check with her boyfriend first (assuming they know of him and have his number).

But post is deleted either way, so hopefully things work out.

the post you've now deleted said that your grandparents were your legal guardians.

either way, it's not entirely relevant. you had some people that you live with who you knew would expect you to come home at X time; you didn't come home at X time, and they (quite reasonably) believed that you were missing.

"did you have permission?" and "are you missing?" are two completely different questions. evidently not a single person told them that you wouldn't be coming home that night, and it was 100% reasonable of them to be pretty dang worried. if your post was "i gave my grandparents a heads up i wouldn't be coming home because i'm staying with my boyfriend, and i had permission from my mother to stay with him, and they called the cops on me / freaked out / etc.," my opinion on the situation would be 180 degrees different.

i also live with someone who loves and cares about me. if i'm going to be out later than she's expecting me home, i tell her so that she does not think i've gone missing. i also tell her where i'm going to be so that if i do go missing, she is able to tell authorities my last known whereabouts.

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... Wait, they're getting child support and charging you for rent, utilities, forcing you to buy your own necessities, etc, while you're still a minor in their care?? That sounds shady as hell. I'm not a lawyer and I don't know what state you live in, so I'm not sure if it's outright fraud. But definitely something to ask a free lawyer about. I'm so upset on your behalf!

Edit: if you want any help or moral support looking up laws and pro-bono lawyers in your area, you're welcome to pm me! I have some free time on my hands right now and I know looking through options alone can be overwhelming.

I mean, her legal guardian and mom knew, the grandparents just chose not to ask her and call the police instead

>Implying that missing persons will be filed for any future overnight stays.

The implication I gathered from it was that they will file a missing persons report after she's 18 if they think she's missing.

There isn't any information in here to suggest that they did not actually believe she was missing. Which is entirely OP's fault for not telling them she wasn't coming home that night.

She just commented that my message was close to accurate, minus that the temporary guardianship was done via paperwork

Uffda I'm sorry that happened, that sounds incredibly frustrating. Especially with them involving your job! For what it's worth you sound very responsible and well-adjusted to me, and it sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom. Those three things will far outlast anything else.

The nonsense with your grandparents is hard to live with, and they are wrong to use their power this way, but it is temporary. You're almost to 18, hang in there! You're doing great!

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Your grandparents sound like a couple of annoying old codgers who hopefully are doing this from a position of love and caring and not old-fashioned "morals" about unwed young people spending time together.

You mentioned living with them. Did you let them know in advance you were planning on crashing with a friend since they lived closer to work, or did you just leave them in the dark? Given the context they overreacted, but if they lacked context then their reaction is appropriate if a bit overboard.

Yeah, they said they would continue to do this until she's 18 and beyond out of love and concern. Implying that missing persons will be filed for any future overnight stays.

maybe OP should have told her legal guardians where she was going to be instead of the person who hasn't been able to be a parent for some time because she's been in and out of rehab and is unemployable because of mental health issues

> You grandparents lied to authorities in an attempt to control your life.

there is literally no indication in OP's post that her grandparents did not actually believe she was missing. and in fact, everything she has said about it indicates that the only person she told where she was going to be is someone who has been in and out of rehab and at risk of relapse, who did not bother to relay the conversation to her legal guardians. obviously they're going to think she's missing

Congratulations you are soon to be single.

Thanks for this. That clears up a lot. I still say that you could have told your grandparents you wouldn’t be home that night. A call or a text would be great for two 80-year-old people. Would it have prevented the embarrassment? I think it would have.

you cant change people for your own liking that’s selfish, and threatening to break up with somebody if they don’t wear something THEY DONT WANT TO us ridiculous. you are abusive

it’s an unofficial agreement but they were getting mad at me for taking so much space with my stuff as well as part of their electricity bill. i like to think of it as me paying for my mother in a way if that makes sense. it gives me some semblance of comfort

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It's manipulative as fuck and disrespectful, not "love".

> reporting you missing all the time

did i miss something in OP's post? this was the first and only time as far as i can discern

Make sure you set boundaries now with them. Because when you turn 18 it could get worse.

my grandparents are not my legal guardians, they try to exert guardianship over me because they used to be my temporary guardians. i had some terms confused previously but i did research before replying to anyone else about it. my mom is my legal guardian and i updated that in my post since i was even confusing myself with it. i got permission from the person with guardianship over me and it should have been her concern, not theirs.