Lol you do you champ!

i don’t understand how i am inconsiderate or egotistical for having explicit permission from someone with legal custody over me to spend the night at my boyfriends after i get off work, only to wake up to the police and other factors because my grandparents did not like that and would rather me not only not have a job, but not leave my house at all so that they can “support” me my whole life in the same way they do my mother. im not sure how you could give me tips for growing up any more than i have tried to grow up.

27 is not 17. Two 80-year-old people are dealing with a drug addict daughter and are responsible for a 17-year-old who thinks it ok to disappear overnight and get pissy when two 80-year-old grandparents are worried about her. Jesus. Y’all have zero compassion for what these grandparents are dealing with.

If your grandparents continue to do this after you turn 18 they will be fined for wasting police resources.

I'd have a talk with them and make it unmistakably clear that, unless they want to grow old(er) without ever speaking to their grandchild again, they're not to pull this shit again. Ever. As in there won't be a second warning. There won't be an 'oh in that case...', either. Do this again and I'm cutting you out of my life.

As for the reasoning: Love and concern is one thing. This isn't about love and concern. Your mother knew where you were. Your mother - which I'm assuming to be a normal, i.e not insane person - okayed your stay at your bf's. You're her responsibility, so everything's fine. There is zero reason for your grandparents to get involved - let alone to just involve themselves. There is zero reason to assume that you were in any sort of danger. As such, them still doing this to you has very little to do with love and concern and quite a lot with the old teaching-you-a-lesson kind of approach to raising a child.

I'm not saying to actually cut off contact, ofc, but a threat like that usually gets through. Having grown up with a father who is, in some ways, not unlike your grandparents, I've yet to find a better way to handle these situations. Some people are simply unable to graps the concept of personal boundaries, unless the price of overstepping them is so great that they'd rather not try.

You didn’t go spent the night at your friend’s house without letting your parents know.

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i am not blessed to have people who outright say they are going to control my life as long as they are able to. my grandparents abuse my mom’s issues and exploit her. i love my mom. i am embarrassed because rather than maybe asking my mom where i am, they bombard me at 5-7am in the morning with calls from the police, family who do not live here, friends, my former high school, my workplace, unknown numbers, and social media. this is by no means love. if i turn 30 and they’re still doing this, it’s STILL not love. they are manipulative and my mom and i are not actual people with free will to them. we are things to smother, keep home, and break down until either we die or they die. i’m not sure what would happen first especially if they never stop.

Exactly. My parents went through a similar scenario with my sister, except that she has 4 kids and they were much younger. They have been dealing with the fallout from her addiction issues for years.

In the end they gave up about 12 years of life, unbelievable amounts of money and time. And still, any day she could relapse and start it all over again.

Dude you're a piece of shit. You assaulted your girlfriend.

This will clearly be an unpopular opinion, but I’m with your grandparents, mostly. They are your guardians right now. Your mom is unfortunately unreliable and maybe not trustworthy. You didn’t tell anyone they could trust that you were ok. They are deeply scared that you will face the same issues as your mom.

Your grandparents could have asked your mom. But she’s effectively sick right now, and not reliable. Your grandparents could try to talk more and control less. It sounds like you could also try to communicate better. Frankly, a family therapist sounds like they could be helpful in improving your family’s communication.

Experiencing some social embarrassment because your grandparents love you is far from the worst thing in the world. And they clearly love you.

Did your mom not tell your grandparent?

I don't know, it sounds more like you open up old wounds from something that happened to her in her past. Someone may have hurt her in a sexual way, and what you did triggered those memories. Now those memories are fresh at the surface, and you're her source of fear right now because of that.

I get the way she was when you first got together didn't bother you. And over time after everyone throwing it in your face, things get old and you want them to change...

There's not enough info here to know exactly what went down. But if you are a good guy, and care about her, I suggest sitting down and talking to her.

Although I wouldn't mention you think she was sexually assaulted or anything, is she hasn't brought that up. But let her know you would never hurt her, if you truly wouldn't.

Whatever the outcome, I hope she's okay and gets over this.

As a parent I can understand why they wanted to report you missing, but a lot of people dropped the ball here... Sorry for your situation. Good for you getting that job and being on a good path!!

You’re so blessed to have your grandparents. You don’t even know. This isn’t a TIFU. This is what love from a grandparent who watched their own daughter go to rehab. Thank God for the people in your life. I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I would be beyond greatful that all these people in the town care about me.

It’s a tough one.

You rather people care and support for you, but there is going waaay overboard. I wouldn’t be “mad” at the grandparents, they have no idea how this modern world works.

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Yea it was funny we laugh about to this day and I tell my mom to check her voicemails before calling the police 🤣🤣

"This kid is missing" "uh... No s/he's not"

How would you feel if she forced you to wear a dress or break up with you? Or withheld sex until you acted more feminine? That's horrible!

If she makes you happy, why do you feel the need to change anything about her? The way she dresses and behaves is an intrinsic part of her very being.

Yeah, one of the things you could really say to them that they’d actually care about (because clearly they don’t care about your feelings) is, “you really embarrassed yourselves today.” And don’t even bother to elaborate.

And now it all makes sense. Great question!

my phone is silent 24/7 because im not supposed to have it on at work and then its do not disturb from 8 pm to 8 am because i slways get random discord notifications at like 3 am

She's not a just a tomboy. Aside from that, you've already crossed the line. Her/his recovery/transition/whatever is gonna require you not being there.