oh my god, trust me i definitely know better. i promise my boyfriend is not an 80 year old man

i have my phone on both silent and do not disturb, and i’m a very heavy sleeper (have slept through the sounds of a drill in the same room, things like that). i think the repetitive vibrations of the calling is what eventually woke me up since i fell asleep with my phone pressed against my body. the main problem was that (reading my call logs here) my grandparents only tried to call twice at 4am before rapidly escalating the situation, while the sheriffs department repeatedly called in intervals every few minutes until i picked up and told them i was okay.

Yeah that sucks. When I first started dating my girlfriend freshmen year of college (at a college 4 hours away from her parents and we both lived in the dorms) she texted her parents that she was going golfing with a friend, she came back to the dorm, left her phone in her golf bag, came over to my room and she fell asleep on the couch for like an hour and a half, then went to her phone and saw like 10 missed calls and a million texts of her mom freaking out over her not responding to her. For not even 5 hours. On a weekend. At college. She called her and she was crying and saying how she was about to call the police in our town, over her 18 year old daughter not responding to texts, for not even 5 hours. On a weekend. At college.

Godspeed on getting the fuck away from your crazy grandparents. You'll feel so much better when you do.

>unfortunately, i live with my 80 year old

The line ended here and wrapped around to a new line to continue the sentence. Combined with the headline, I’ll admit my heart skipped a beat before my eyes caught up to the rest of what you wrote.

How did you sleep thru so many calls? Do you turn your ringer off at night or just have it super quiet you can't hear it? That's what I'm curious about. I think if you answered the first time and told them your mom said was ok, then all this escalation by your grandparents could have been avoided.

i googled it and you’re right, apparently 24 hours is a commonly believed misconception. i’m hoping the police won’t take them as serious next time because they have a very long history with the police here, but this is one of the few, far in-between times they have done something to me specifically, so i’m guessing it was taken more critically due to that. once i explained to the sheriff i was fine everything was called off and i just went back home so they wouldn’t try again.

Text them next time beforehand. Calling 911 without proper reason can get you fined and you texting you will not be home should be enough to make them calling BS

24 hours to report missing isn’t an actual law, it’s just garbage used on tv to create drama.

When I was in high school I didn’t have a curfew or anything, just had to let them know where I was. The key was making sure my mom knew, my dad was much more laid back, so if I talked to him I had to make sure he told my mom or that she was there when I told him. In this case it might just be getting into the habit of letting them know you won’t be home after work.

As a teenager you see it as them trying to control you, as an adult you realize that you want to know where they’re going to in case something happens to them. The mistake made in this situation was a complete lack of communication between your mom and grandparents. However, if your grandparents are your legal guardians (as opposed to your mother) you should’ve let them know where you were as opposed to your mom.

100% your grandparents should’ve asked your mom before phoning friends and random people though.

This is a very common misunderstanding. You can report someone missing after like 20 minutes if you have reason to believe they’re missing. It is up to the discretion of the police to decide whether or not they want to look into it.

I believe it's not true that it has to be 24 hours. If they have reason to believe that you should be somewhere and can't be found, you're missing and it can be reported.

However once it's explained they can look like fools to the police, and possibly be charged for the callout.

even if i don’t currently agree with your opinion, i can see where you’re coming from and i definitely am luckier than some others in many regards. i do not take this for granted often but my limits are very often pushed. thank you for offering a different perspective to this situation.

Fair enough. Over reaction isn’t good, but no reaction definitely is worse. Hopefully you can get them to understand what acceptable responses are. Good luck!

If they attempt it again get a restraining order against them as soon as you turn 18. They got some psychological issues going on that they will never deal with but they will negatively impact your life.

> more preventative measures

Nothing involving baseball bats I hope..

i will be doing that when i’m 18, but since they have used my mom’s mental health as a crutch to continue doing it to her for her entire life i will probably also be taking some more preventative measures as well

Report them to the police so that there's something on record to say the police should not take too much notice when they call.

i was called by the sheriff’s office and told i was filed as missing. i’m not sure if the report would’ve went through until 24 hours had passed or not. i told my grandparents that i thought they had to wait 24 hours to even try to file one but they shut me down with “no! I just called 911, they are coming.” (copy and pasted). within two to three hours they had police at my home, at my former high school talking to my friends who still attend, at my workplace, etc. so maybe not. i do live in a small town where a lot of commonplace laws are ignored or looked over and that may be one of them.

Are they allowed to file a missing persons report if it’s been less than 24 hours since you were last seen?

im sorry for replying to every comment on this post, currently i have nothing else to do. im not sure if it’s within reddit etiquette or not haha. i do appreciate everyone offering me perspective, stories, etc. maybe i’m young, naive, and overreacting, but it really is frustrating.

i talked about that with my mom earlier. i was wondering why she didn’t do the same but i guess in her defense they are the people who adopted her and gave her at least a somewhat better life than she could have had. maybe she knew something i don’t. i have no idea

Peace was eventually made between all parties thankfully. Although she did try to creep in her antics with my then GF. She then told her that if our behavior wasn't satisfactory we would happily leave and come back when she is comfortable with it again. I didn't even get a chance to say anything, that was all her doing.

I love my wife, lol. (Mother backed down)

As for the cutoff approach, it is a severe ultimatum, and cannot be issued without full sincerity, else it will be called out as a bluff and tested. If you try this, it has to be made with a definitive conviction that you are willing to go right then at that moment with only the clothes on your back with only the plan to figure things out as you go.

It can be done but it's the hardest thing to do. For what it's worth though, thousands of LGBTQ+ individuals impose this reality on a regular basis, and I know one personally. I am so proud that they were able to build a quality life for themselves in less than 2 years and are in a stable and loving relationship.

I wish you well and a more optimistic outcome.

You would have to think that the police would get pretty tired of this if it happened repeatedly, especially once you're 18, and put a stop to it fairly quickly.

You may have to look into restraining orders.

i cant wait. i’ve been counting down the days for what seems like forever now.

this kind of “care” is ridiculous and will continue until either i am 30 or they pass away. they did the same to my mom when she was in her mid-20’s working two jobs living two hours away from them because they somehow had it in their heads that she ran off to mexico. lost her her jobs because they wouldn’t stop calling asking where she was every day of the year, told her friends she was insane and schizophrenic and planning on killing them, because she wouldn’t respond to their texts as her attempt to go no-contact.

They sound like wonderful people. Well when you’re 18 they can report you missing all they want. See how quickly the police lose patience for them.