Holy shit. This is one sick troll.

> I can’t stop grieving who he was. Who he somehow still is.

Stop lying to yourself. The real him is the shitty cheater, the person you miss is not real, it’s just the charm he puts on so you put up with the rest of his crap. Do not talk to him, as you’ll just get sucked in again. And you feeling connected, also that’s not connection, that’s you falling for his bullshit again.

Here’s an analogy that might help. You know how when you’re really hungry even a stale piece of bread taste amazing? But it’s not the bread that makes it taste good it’s that you’re starving. Same thing when you “love” an abuser. It may feel like you connect with them but in reality, it’s because in the relationship you were mostly starved for his attention, so now when you get it, it feels awesome. But it isn’t. It’s just a stale piece of bread that just seems that way. Google intermittent reward, loss aversion, and trauma bonding as those concepts are similar and they all explain why it’s so hard to break free from abusers. But really, I promise you, every abuser is just a crusty old stale piece of bread or else they wouldn’t abuse you in the first place.

Some people just aren't equipped physically or emotionally to take on the role of a care taker. Have a serious talk with her about what you're able to do and what you aren't. Have her talk about what she expects from you and if she can keep up with this arrangement for an undetermined amount of time. You can try and mitigate things but she may not be up for this kind of lifestyle which sucks but as it sounds now, everyone is miserable.

I think it may not be about the haircut but about change in general. Could that be true?

Yes, crying over this is extreme, but I don’t think it has anything to do with manliness, like this other commenter suggests. It does sound like there is a deeper rooted issue that needs to be addressed.

What may help is to train your brain to refocus away from the hair. So every time you think of it or look at it concentrate on other aspects of your gf that you adore. List 3-5 things in your head and focus on them. Her eyes, her lips, her laugh, her movements, the look on het face when she sees you.. As soon as you think of/see the hair, go through the list of other things and bring your focus back onto what’s more important or outweighs the haircut.

I would recommend to have a look into the actual reason for your emotional response, especially if it’s something that comes up with other issues too. Not because you should never cry, but because it’s obviously a mental strain for you and thus a burden.

Your only 32 OP divorce him and find someone who can give you the love and affection you need!!

Surrogacy is a thing but it costs six figures total. You’re only 24. I’m sure you can find someone who will be willing to have kids the old fashioned way. Maybe start with therapy and work on your self esteem before raising children.

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He can’t really walk at all. He’s too disabled to move all the way across the Country to the most expensive place to live in the US as well. I may have to make that decision soon on moving back. Thanks for your comments

You don’t have to do it today, tomorrow, or next year. But you should at some point once you are ok to do so. Plus doing it with your therapist will make things easier for you to talk.

I never told my dad any of the shit he did to me. It has taken years to be able to be ok. Once I figured out that forgiving him isn’t for him, it’s for me helped a lot to make things easier. You never have to actually say you forgive him. But letting it all go will help you.

I'll be honest, I don't really care how you feel in this instance. It's not about you. It's about a trait you picked in a partner and now want him to be able to be a flashlight. It just does not work that way. Kindness gets shown to the people he interacts with. That is part of his essence. The kind man is kind because he wants to be good to others. His mom is part of it, you ma'am are part of it. You do not get to pick and choose when he is kind. You do not have that kind of controller. You get to pick him or not him. That's your locust of control.

You tell him to leave. This isn’t the life either of you want, and it hasn’t been for a long time.

Breaking up is the answer even though it’s hard.

It's best if you simply break up...and move on with your life... you've tried communication with your partner and it didn't work.so now just break up and move on It's what best for both of you

Life is short

Is there a care home near your location where he could go? We transferred my grandmother over to where my parents and I live, after my aunt’s accounts of what she was doing vs what the care home staff had to tell, didn’t match up. It is a lot of work, despite the care home, and we were in and out pretty much every day, but it is so, so worth it, when you realise the loved one is feeling better.

So, first talk to your girlfriend. The fact that you have talked to us first is worrying. I don't mean argue with her, but tell her your insecuirities and the reason you have them.

With that said she has done nothing to warrant suspicion. Yes she has stayed longer then she has initially told you, I have done that many times with my friends. Thing is she didn't have any appointment to meet with, you didn't even ask her when will she come back. If you do make plans and they get compromised because of Jyke, then you can be upset.

>she should be free to do whatever she likes. But this seems more of a date than just a meetup.

No, if she wants to be in relationship she isn't free to do whatever she likes. However this wasn't exactly a date, 2 hours of talking and drinking isn't necessarily a date. If she is contacting him constantly or spending with him similar amount of time as with you, then will be time to be concerned. The same with your plans, if you can't make proper plans to do things with her, because she is doing things with him so often, then you can be worried. Nothing of what I have mentioned is present here from what I see in your post.

Ah yes, the 'friend' she met on Tinder... 🙄

Well, sounds like you want to. If you do, cool. But don't feel pressured. That's not cool. To be honest, you really can't mess this up. Some of the other advice here is good for learning. If you want any explanations on any of it, pm me and I will explain. 😂

Have a great time!

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He scares you! And of course he promise you do not hit you. All the people that hit their partner also promise to never do it again and still... In their rage they can't control themself! It will get worse with time. And that he doesn't want to seek help... even though he knows he has a problem and it scares you.

Do you want to live in fear, waiting till he finally hit you? And what about your future, do you want children? With this man?

Run now while you still can and are unharmed.

Break up and move on

She was just, herself. I knew she was great from the start but the feelings and trust built up over time. We very rarely spoke about our labels and what the rules were. I remember once she tried to talk about us when I wasn’t quite ready, I changed the subject and she didn’t push any further. I had my own internal anxieties about getting into another, possibly life changing, relationship and she did very well to not add to that. The label came after we spent a whole week with each other around Christmas (last Christmas) and it was just obvious this was for real.

I have had terrible ones and I have had amazing ones and the few things I can tell you are:

1. Show enthusiasm and don't worry so much about your experience with it.
2. Communicate by not only using words but seeing how they react.
3. Don't be afraid to experiment and continue with steps 1 and 2.

Above all else enjoy yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to be a porn star.

I know your right. I put him before everyone but I always come last. I don’t think he is intentionally doing it but it’s really shit. I suppose I can also blame myself for also being too nice and letting him do this over and over

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