I know it's riduculous. That's why I want to put an end to this. And honestly yes, I do get unreasonably upset at things sometimes but I recognise that it's weird and keep it to myself. I hate that I'm like this and I just want to be a normal fucking person.

Yup that’s rough. That’s what happens though, people break up and some time later they start new relationships. All part of the cycle. You’ll start a new relationship at some point, if you choose to (probably when you’re more content).

😆😆 you're fu*king delusional yes...

You're cheating on your husband and asking if I'm angry...lmfao

I really hope he finds out the truth as soon as possible and kicks your dumb ass to the curb...

He sounds incredibly dumb which is unfortunate.

Maybe he doesn’t want the baby because the relationship didn’t work out? Idk, it’s strange that he changed his mind.

Not a popular opinion, but this is part of the reason why people get married before they have children. There’s more security there and you know your partner has made a major commitment before. Not sure why you’d have a baby with someone after only a year…

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Sorry to say this but if he hide and went out of his way to set that. There's a reason.........and probably not a good one.

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When he tries to fix the problem and your just trying to vent ask him to let you finish talking first, explain you want him to just listen as you were stressed throughout the day and just need him to be a pair of ears at the moment. If after your done he has solutions listen to his response, even if its not a good one just thank him for listening and you apprechiate him.

For him not wanting to talk about his feelings and emotions their isnt much you can do about that outside of reassuring him your their if he ever wants to talk and making sure he is comfortable doing so.

On option for councilling is for you to start out solo and then try and have him join in after you have gone a few times, this way he may be more willing knowing you have gone and you havent left him. Try explaining its not about fixing but its about growing together and becoming better for eachother

Honestly? Time is the only healer, here. The more time that passes, the easier it becomes. It's totally normal to be floored by something like this. I promise you, one day you wake up and it starts to feel a little bit lighter. You will come through it, even though it doesn't feel this way now.

Honey, you do you and never, EVER let someone force you or guilt you into doing something you aren't ready for. The time will come where you will be comfortable enough with someone to experiment.

This is not just invasive, it's creepy. Picking the lock when you're in the bathroom?? That's completely unacceptable. Never ok. And cleaning your desk and commenting on your private art practice is SO horribly invasive. god that must have felt awful.

"I don't know why you think it's ok to invade my privacy in the bathroom or in my personal spaces. I don't know why you haven't listened to me saying I don't want you to do those things. But hear me now. It is NEVER ok to barge in when I'm in the bathroom and it is NEVER ok to touch my desk or to touch or read anything on it. I NEVER want you to do that again. This is a deal-breaker for me. If you do it again I will leave you.

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Regardless of anything take things very very slow. When kids are involved especially a young mind bringing other adults in and out several times during a childhood is not ideal.

So if this does work out great! But keep your kid away for quite awhile until you are sure it's permanent. And no don't even bring her around as a friend.

I do plan on counseling/therapy soon, as well as moving out with my partner as soon as I have a full drivers license and a few months worth of rent saved up. I didn’t get to adulting right away so it’s taken a while. I can see he’s trying but I don’t think he understands how much of what he’s done has impacted my life. I think part of it was that it was normal punishment for him and a lot of other Native kids, so he thought it was okay for it to happen to me.

Why would you be crazy? You want happiness. She makes you happy. There's nothing wrong with that. But, I can say from my point of view..I've dated management before when I was younger. Three different times and all ended in failure for me. We were able to work together still but there was always an awkwardness after. If there's no rules preventing it. By all means, do you make you happy. Your child will adjust and love it as they grow. Just focus on being happy and healthy with your kid and hopefully soon to be girlfriend?

She sounds toxic and abusive, it feels lile she uses it more to punish you rather than dealing with her feelings

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Don’t! Mix! Business! And! Pleasure! It just won’t work out and will cause so many issues at work that neither of you should want to deal with. Have a line drawn that you don’t cross and at most just be friends but nothing else.

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As a woman personally I would feel exactly the same. Its a very off-putting thing to hear, even if they're joking about it as a defence mechanism it is unattractive. And them still being in contact is not necessarily their fault if they have class together, but them being friends is not great. "Why tf would they still hang around someone who treated them like total shit?" Is a valid question. You're finding it difficult to respect her because she does not respect herself and it shows. And I'm not putting blame on her, it's just how things often come to be after an abusive relationship

Women are conditioned to forgive and/or forget, choose the path of least resistance, and to accept being treated with disrespect (because it is far far easier to rationalise and justify being treated poorly, do it enough and its hard to think any other way). This girl realises what her ex did was wrong and awful, but has internalised whatever concept required to still be friends with this guy (ie it was her fault, he's just a dick what do we expect, he's changed, i just don't care anymore/it's in the past etc etc). She obviously is not over it bc she has brought it up, but is dealing with it in a way that she can emotionally distance herself enough to carry on with life. This is obviously all my speculation, don't know her etc but yeah, that's my perspective.

It's not unreasonable at all to address it with her too, personally I think straight up asking "why is it you want to be friends with someone who was so horrible to you" is an option. Its valid to be uncomfortable with your partner being friends with their abuser ex, even if just out of concern for them (which is perhaps a good start to approaching it with her)

(Also its not misogynistic to not like hearing about your gfs abuse over and over, especially in this sort of way where its kind of a joke youre expected to go along with. It would be misogynistic if you looked down on her for being abused in the first place, which you're not)

U just seem so angry at a random stranger online

Yes. Those are very good points that come with legal marriage and can be somewhat circumvented.

For the tax write offs, there's not real way to get around that honestly. A lot of men that are against marriage think along the lines of, "A small percentage more to the government each year is better than her taking half". No offense to you at all by the way, just relaying the thought process.

For medical emergencies, death, etc. You can be legally made his medical proxy in case of emergency and be a beneficiary on his life insurance policy. This is just a suggestion to get around the "benefits" of marriage that the government essentially handles for you.

As for your internal struggle, I know many women that just like the idea of being a "wife" on paper and it seems that you're slightly in that camp. Another question that I have for women that really want to get married is, "What exactly do you wish to gain from marriage that you don't already have in your current relationship?" Besides the tax write-offs and status, the only benefit is the wedding day itself in the answers I usually get.

Another thing to think about is his perspective. "What does he stand to gain from marriage?" and "What does he stand to lose from potential divorce?" For many men, the cons outweigh the pros (at least statistically speaking) which is why they abstain from or are very hesitant to get married.

I find it nice that you're open to compromise, but if it is a deal breaker for you in the end, I would suggest ending the relationship before you get resentful and regretful. Although you make not feel that now, you have to think 5, 10, 20 years down the line if it's something you can deal with.

I would also caution you that the path of only a ceremony does come with consequence of lots of potential risk on your end. I don't want to assume too much about your relationship, but know that if you choose to be a stay at home wife/mom and he does leave, it will open your life to a difficult future professionally and mentally. With that warning, I will also give the advice to stay in the job market and keep your professional skills fresh as insurance for your own future.

Sorry if my comment comes off as preachy or very individualistic. I want the best for both of you regardless. I wish you luck and hope you give us an update in the future.