you havent physically cheated in other words but you have emotionally cheated on this person. And like others mentioned youeve said your coworker more than your significant other...your partner is clearly secondary and not priority. has your partner expressed any concern towards this work relationship? if so, how did you respond? have you come to your partner about any of this yet? i am genuinely curious because i myself feel like the outsider looking in with my boyfriend and his coworker so i as well am looking for insight ,not to be a bitch. the drama...though...you are the consequences you create...you say your aware but why have you continued to cross boundaries and allow this to grow into something more..your pulling away from your partner..stop allowing yourself to stoop so low. Stop making excuses, stop pitying yourself, stop being selfish. you need to put your focus into your significant other.You need to change yourself if you want your relationship to work. if you havent caused trauma yet ..your about to go down shits creek and i could only imagine the hell you will create. ive been on all sides of this..you need to limit contact with your coworker.be honest with your partner, open up to them about this problem. it may hurt them but man honesty and truth that shit is powerful and she will thank you. and i only hope she will stand by you and you prove to her that you love her. look at it from the other persons perspective being on the outside of the relationship looking in at this relationship with your cw.be more concerned about the damage to your relationship w your so and not the feelings of your coworker , understand you are not an innocent party here. i mean no disrespect when i type any of this as well . better to acknowledge it now and take the appropriate measures to save your relationship and your partners sanity

He wants protections from divorce. Has he researched what happens in the event of a medical crisis and death? Life insurance, inheritance, probate? There are legal protections being married provides and it’s useful for y’all to cover all the bases

That... that makes a lot of sense. Wow.

He seems to want to live like a single man, so I think you should let him be single.

I appreciate this being said. The "if it means a lot to you, why wouldn't he do it for you" comment has been said to me by my friends as well. I know it's said with good intent but marriage is no small thing.
Marriage did mean a lot to me yes. And you should want to do anything for your partner (to an extent lol) if they mean that much to you, yes. But my bf shouldn't have to give up his beliefs either. It truly can be argued both ways which is why these conversations we've had around marriage has been hard. We are each valid in what we believe and feel

My daughters possible one knows but I’ve lost touch with my sons

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That's my point.

Its an acquired skill that people can develop. And having a patient partner such as yourself will be really good.

As long as he is willing to try things out, doesn't feel like he's doing stuff he doesn't want to, you could almost fine tune your sex life exactly how you like it. Kind of an appealing thought actually, its a clean slate and yours to write on haha

I'd recommend keeping an eye on progression. If you feel like you're not getting anywhere sometimes.. then maybe that's all its going to become.

And the post was deleted. Not surprising

Block out what your wife is doing and make sure that child is taken care of. Child first. Then you can deal with your brat wife.

You can figure this out. Clearly some things are going on outside your marriage. Find it.

Therapy. If she refuses it is done man.

It sounds like you are the side chick. He should be doing those things for you. Show him this thread.

Leave him alone it's a genuine question

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I have Aspergers Syndrome and I spent years learning how to “adjust” myself to seem normal-ish. My girlfriend doesn’t mind it as much. I told her i have AS pretty soon into dating. My advice would be try not to think about it too much. Think of people with Aspergers as human computers haha. We do things by logic and not by emotions. For example if there is an emergency he will probably be the most sane person in the room and will think straight when everyone else is panicking. Also the good thing about Aspergers is that we are very loyal and supportive. Any problems you have he will most likely give you the best solution. OCD on the other hand is not very good… maybe as time goes you can kindly ask him to chill on all the rules he has haha I have an OCD when it comes to my personal belongings, i don’t like when people move my stuff but I do understand when my girlfriend does it. Anyways, as long as he is a good dude just go for it

Have you ever expressed to him how you want him to support you when you are talking about your emotions or feelings? I know it sounds odd but some people are just really arent good at feelings and instead of discussing them they push them away, so telling him the kind of support would help.

Starting with smaller issues to discuss will help too, if you go to him with something thats stressful or difficult and he doesnt know how to respond it may cause him to shut down, but if you build up to something like that with him he may be more receptive to helping.

Maybe start by asking him to just let you vent to him first, then start asking for his opinion on whats going on.

Would he be open to seeing a councilor with you? that way you can discuss your feelings and they can provide him with tips and tricks on how to respond and help you?

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I'm glad that this was brought it because this is something I've been starting to ask myself when thinking about this. Whenever I've discussed this with my best friends, they have brought up tax benefits that come with marriage and how being married or not being married will be important in cases of medical emergencies, death, etc.

But if I am being honest with myself, those things didn't cross my mind when he said he didn't want marriage. What crossed my mind was the proposal, the wedding and the proud title of being his wife. So that's something I have been doing more internal navigating with as well. Ultimately, I just want a life with him.

I would never want to pressure someone into marriage. It's no small thing, I am completely aware of that. I know that a commitment ceremony is not something he would choose himself. So I am thankful that even though marriage is something he does not want, he is open to doing this for me.

Hard pass.

OP, please take this advice not as an attack. I am genuinely concerned and want to give my honest thoughts. Your bestfriend should know her limits. If your girlfriend told you her thoughts and opinions about this honestly, it’s likely because she feels iffy about it. It’s good that she even tags along when your BFF needs help. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a bestfriend, but there’s gotta be a limit to everything. Allowing her to do these things is like saying they are equal in your eyes. Forehead kissing, arm-resting, snuggling up.. those things may not be sex but they are intimate, even more intimate than sex if you ask me. If that’s the case, why even have a GF? Hope it works out for you.

I have I told her all the time I even send her flowers to her job today and I asked her if we would ever get back together and she said she doesn’t know what the future holds

I understand where he’s coming from. Me and my gf took things very slowly, we knew within a few weeks we were exclusive (no obligation just by choice), admitted we were something more at 5 months, then official around the 7 month mark. Her reason for the slow pace was that her previous relationship was toxic and she was still healing when we met. My reason was that I was enjoying being single and didn’t see myself settling with anyone. We were both incredibly cautious and it worked out for the better... so I guess what I am saying people can take a long time to adjust, it may not necessarily be a bad thing as long as he is being honest.

What’s that?

Ignore him.

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