It sounds like you don't want the same things in life anyway, so even if they were realistic I don't think they would match yours. Also I'd be questioning his ability to problem solve and make solid plans if he really has this as his only plan.

It’s not unrealistic for you to believe that if things workout just fine that you’ll find each other again. In the same way that people in relationships change and grow apart, sometimes those outside of relationships change and grow together again.

I reconnected with a high school sweetheart after like 10 years, we dated for like a year but then things still didn’t work out lol i think being able to love without possession is the best way to do it. Be happy if it does happen but don’t hold your breath on it.

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I think it’s time to hire a PI

Sounds ridiculous right?

Do you trust him? Do you have insecure past trauma? Does he give you reasons to not trust him?

Everyone goes through this kind of situation. Just talk to him. Communication is how people stay together. Talk to him about your needs and what you don’t approve of and reciprocate what he feels isn’t okay.

For example I just saw a post about someone having a gf setting co workers and asking how to get her to stop……

He was honest with you and you hadn't previously discussed it. You get through this by having a non-judgmental discussion with him about you wanting a heads up before any strip clubs are involved. And also that you had really wanted to celebrate with just the two of you.

You are right - if you are super pissed, mostly keep it to yourself. Not because it is his birthday, but because he isn't a mind reader, and he kept his location tracking on and told you instantly via text.

And now she said she want space, like a week space. I'm noy controlling or anything. I even let her when to the guys house and they watch anime lol

Approaching people who look single at coffee shops is a big no-no.

People go to coffee shops to have coffee. Or to work. They don't go to be approached by single dudes.

Look on social media for singles events where people are specifically there to meet potential romantic partners. You'll have better luck and won't come across as creepy.

I’m afraid there seems no solution for you. Your husband will drop everything for his brother. He is his priority. As for you you can’t depend on him for anything. You better have a support system because if his brother is in crisis you and your children will be second. what also is hard is that nobody wants to change, no therapy anything. They are good in their little world.

Can you live like this?

Tbh I wouldn’t trust you OP. You going through his phone and worrying about a message from before y’all were together? My ex did that kinda thing to me, absolutely ruined us. And my trust. He stopped talking to her. But I’m still wondering what implored you to snoop?

Maybe you can avoid Noah sabotaging your marriage by being honest with your husband.

You know, that thing you SHOULD'VE been doing right from the start...

Why are you having unsafe sex with anyone? Especially someone you suspect of cheating. You are playing russian roulette!!!

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"I only fucked the prostitute for an hour, she'll live"

Sorry man but she's not interested. I wouldn't waste any time.

Good eye. Plus it’s his Birthday. Like if all he did was go and didn’t even do anything who cares. I’ve been one time and that shit is lame anyway

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Tinder aside, the condoms are a major indicator and really the only one you need

From the way their convo goes, there's no flirting from both side. But it still feels weird to me

Thank you, I appreciate the advice. I am trying to be understanding. I just have never really dealt with this before and my first reaction was to get upset. I don’t even mind he watches porn. I think it’s just hard for me to imagine him getting a lap dance and it makes me jealous.

Yeah, sorry but you have no right to be pissed. You haven’t given him any reason to believe you have a problem with strip clubs or strippers. You’ve gone to them and not said anything when he went in the past. That said, it’s a definite red flag that he was cheating on his girlfriend when he got together with you.

Poor fellow. Tell your husband everything. If Noah has proof i guess it would be time stamps of text messages you've sent during that period. Before you think why should you do understand you lied to your husband, been unfaithful to him. And he has been nothing but good to you.

It’s his birthday you can always do something together on a different night.

i only “cheated” for like 2 hours total he’ll live

wow, that sucks but I totally hope he succeeds cause this whole marriage is a lie 😂