Yes very true...I didn't think about that

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God you sound like a horrible person. There’s no point in even echoing the other comments..if you can’t tell he’s depressed that’s on you.

Depression has been a very big struggle in our relationship. I did save a chunk of the money I got and that is what landed us the house we have now. He had bad credit and debt from credit cards he got in Highschool, so even our first apartment was under my name.

I’m still struggling with depression, but I have been making steps to change. I had been going to therapy for some time and I am trying to make those permanent changes to be better for myself and for him.

It has been a downward struggle for me for years. I have a lot of childhood trauma and anxieties I have been working through.

I should have put more of that into the original post but I also wanted to be a little brief and not give out my life’s story.

It sounds to me like he was trying to do some shady shit on the side with an ex and got caught, and his reaction to being caught was to turn it around and break up with you... And now he's still getting all the benefits of being in a relationship with you (love, chat, care, sex, etc) but he's not formally in a relationship with you, so he could still be fucking around on the side. This is just my perspective on the situation based on the info you've shared.

It sounds like this is having a big negative impact on you. If you broke up to focus on your mental health, I think you should really do that. Stop having contact with him for now and focus on getting the care and support you need to feel ok again.

To you? NO. Why in the world would you want that?

This is what the beginning of the relationship is for, learning about each other and what to expect. You talk about how wonderful he is and then point to a clear cut case of him not being that. It's never fun to realize that things aren't going to work out, but that's what it means to get to know someone on that deeper level. He has shown you, consistently, what to expect from the relationship. You have responded to this knowledge with unhappiness. He responded to your unhappiness with a short term fix that led right back to the original problem. As it always will, because that's who he is.

That’s what I’ve told her every time. That I know it’s manipulative and she has no logic in her baseless arguments. Like she wanted to go eat breakfast at a high end joint. Told her I wasn’t paying for it. She pouted. Asked again and I told her the same thing.

It’s not like I jump at her every wish or command. I don’t by any means whatsoever. If we go to the bar, I got cover fee, she has drinks.

If she wants something to eat she pays for it. Like I’ve known it’s manipulative for the longest, I don’t really play into it.

Like with the self harm thing, I just looked at her and said “What the fuck? Really? That doesn’t make a lick of sense when I never said one mean thing to you”

Or “Is that reaaally the reason? Or are you trying to make me feel bad?”

Like the manipulation the trys only works in the aspect of her avoiding it in the end. There’s just never any owning up to her actions and taking responsibility. So I just stay pissed off

She's clingy because she knows you're fed up and she wants to keep her lifestyle.

What is this the 1920s? Its an anime show with T&A. Do yourself a favor google "hentai" it'll blow your mind what a "kids show" can be.

Why did you download tinder then ? I don’t think anyone that cheated ever wanted to cheat it’s just something that happens after time. Btw I’m not doing this to bring you down just to show you maybe you guys aren’t meant for each other right now. Maybe at some other point in your lives. But definitely not right now.

With headphones on? I watched that anime, it'd be weird af masturbating while hearing kids' voices.

Agreed. I felt this way with an ex once. She apparently blowed him all the time and took videos and pics for him. She never did any of that for me. I felt really pathetic

We agreed for the minute for both our mental healths we needed to split up (I really didn’t want to but I do agree with what he had to say). I’m not ok at the minute and I was receiving treatment but I stopped and have fell into a dark place, he was worried I wasn’t going to get help if we stayed together. It wasn’t a matter of falling out of love etc. He was caught adding an ex on a messaging app (she reached out to me), and that sparked all this conversation.

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I would never cheat again i feel like such a disgusting piece of shit i never want to hurt someone like this again 😔 i’d end things before ie ever cheated again

As a mother of young adults in the Autism Spectrum I am happy for this young man to have met you and is dating you. Someone with an Asperger's diagnosis would be the "highest" level of social interaction ability and IQ from my reading. The United States Mental Health diagnosis book no longer classifies asperger's separate from Autism. People who are neuro-divergent tend to speak in facts, and as with everyone the sense of humor varies. Within my nuclear family(8) made of myself, husband, biological and adopted children, 5 are within the spectrum. Of those 5, two were diagnosed by doctors ,1 by herself, husband by me, and the last believes she is but wants tested. Your guy sounds worth the investment of time, learn first by asking him questions, and by online reading. My husband is now a grumpy old man but was the sweetest, giving, loving man until his hgv heart attack 15vyears ago. Still his actions speak louder than his words, his actions are his love language.

Ew.

You’ve not known him long and he’s already snooping through your stuff. And now you’re asking how you can fix it.

This is a problem he created. At this stage of your relationship, of course there are things you don’t know about each other. Of course you have some things that are private.

I don’t think it matters (as some people are saying) why you kept those things. You kept them. They don’t involve him. He snooped to get your password, amd then he snooped to find the videos.

His image of you may have changed…..but again….that’s his own fault.

If you want to maintain the relationship, I think you need to explore both sides of this with him:

1. you snooped

2. I have old videos

Be prepared for him to ask that those be deleted. Change your password immediately. And if you use that same PW for other things, change those, too.

It makes me reallllly uncomfortable that someone so new in a relationship is snooping like he is.

Welp, maybe he'll learn the lessons of this particular brand of Fuck Up.

Good for you for breaking up. Stop talking to him, his friend, his whatever.

I think he’s going tru depression, sorry love.

You said it all yourself don’t be blind to your own truth… or stay and roll the dice just don’t be surprised if it happens again or you cheat either way someone is gonna get hurt it sucks but you guys are so young Jesus plenty of fish in the sea out there it won’t be the end of the world if you guys don’t work out.

Why did you split up? That's important context that's missing here.

Sooner the better, you don’t want him to waste money and time on you over Christmas. Honestly, a long term partner once left me in January and I was bummed I had wasted another shitty Christmas with him & his family!

You can just ask him how to make him comfortable and if there's anything you should avoid etc. My boyfriend and I are both neruodivergent and had that conversation before.

Wow. So you recorded the videos ? Good luck getting out of this one. If I was in his shoes I would feel like shit too. Why is it that you can have sex with these guys in the videos you made, but not your own boyfriend ? You obviously don't like him that much. Stop wasting each others time and just break up.