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You should handle this situation by completely removing yourself from her life and moving on. Honestly, that should have been your first move. I'm not sure why you decided to continue sleeping together.

Taking breaks and "playing it in the middle" hardly ever work. If there's one thing that should be simple about a relationship, it should be that status of it. You're either in it 100% or you're not in it at all. If you can't weather the smaller issues that come up in the dating phase, you pretty much have no chance at tackling on larger issues later on in life.

As for the other guy, don't try to compete with him. Competing against a third party for her affection is like screaming "I have no self respect" in her face.

Took me 5 years! 🥴

In all honesty just cut your losses and move on my guy. She will never stop talking to him and she wont stop sleeping with him. She'll probably keep seeing him and use it as a weapon whenever you fight, she'll go to him. She'll also compare you to him any chance she can. If she is talking about getting back together but wont cut this guy out she doesnt really want to get back together.

I truly did want only him. But i never felt enough for him. His betrayal includes hooking up with another girl while telling me i could trust him. I wanted to wait for marriage but he told me i could trust him. So i did and i regretted it so much when i found out he was just using me. But i believe he changed and was truly in love with me but i just couldn’t convince myself of that

Oh buddy, that is a whole list of insane red-flag type boundaries. Every single one of those are controlling.

She wasn't looking for a reletionship, she was looking for ownership. Each of those 'boundaries' was to isolate you. She wanted authority over you...

Yikes dude... glad you're out of that one.

She is the prime example of a person you should avoid in dating. Moving forward, please avoid women such as her.

You should edit your post to include those examples.

Creepy regardless

Yes she is. But the thing is, I think it could be a little of My Fault..

When we first met, she had her apartment. She paid for Groceries and her rent. I only paid for us to go out and eat and buy her things. Never asked a penny of me.

Flash forward a year later, we get the house.

It was MY IDEA for her to just pay groceries and electric, while I paid for Rent ($800).

I spoiled her and told her to save her money.

I don’t really think she is a full blown covert narcissist, but how will I know for sure.

To a degree, I feel like I’ve created this beast by taking more responsibility than I should have, but on the other hand the insecurities which give her feelings of doubt in our relationship (Her fear that I would leave her and go back to my parents house because my relationship with them is much better compared to hers with her family)

Her fear that I am planning on leaving her, after she watched stupid fucking tiktoks where the theme is “if he wanted to he would”

She is extremely clingy. I’ve never known a narc to be that way

I just need a clarification because I made the mistake of clicking your post history.

Is a person that's into gumball porn judging another for jacking off to intentionally oversexualized anime?

(Not that I'm saying it's wrong, just the double standards much...)

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That makes a lot of sense, I appreciate that clarification! Knowing that, it really makes me believe that he doesn't believe you or trust you. That was an honest mistake that he never should have seen to begin with.

He's sounding pretty manipulative here. "Oh, you fucked them, but you won't fuck me?" Kind of vibe, but I could be off base there. And the fact he went into your phone without permission, possibly for jerk off material.... I'm sorry you're going through that. It really sounds like a serious conversation around personal boundaries and expectations needs to happen.

He's immature and insecure.

You're not any better. Been with him 5 months but still have pics and vids? Aren't you to just a wonderful couple of fucking idiots.

I deleted them off my phone when he told me he saw them. They were in the hidden folder because after I’d film them at that time I hid them cause I didn’t wanna think about them. 3 months of us dating was online, and i hadn’t thought about that content being on my phone and him possibly seeing it.

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It’s never ‘a good time’ to break up with someone. I applaud you for trying to take their feelings into account but this person will be hurt regardless of when it happens.

You aren’t happy in this relationship anymore and the sooner you let them know the better. The wonderful thing about holidays is that you’ll be surrounded by family and friends that can help and support you both (separately) through this time.

Not together we have our individual sessions

He has complete access to my phone and my laptop and I’m willing to do anything he asks of me i truly do regret hurting him like this. We’re thinking of couples therapy too

I wouldn’t do it Xmas Eve, but right now is a fine time. No gifts have been exchanged.

I always feel like it shouldn’t be a surprise (just like being fired for performance at work shouldn’t be). By now, you’ve probably had lots of discussions about why you’re unhappy.

It’s a fine time.

It's pretty simple, he feels like he doesn't match up to those guys as you won't have sex with him, however you'll take pics and videos with other guys... he shouldn't have been snooping, but come on this relationship is over before it's started.

Boundaries are if you do XYorZ I will remove myself from the situation. Controlling is YOU can’t do XYZ or I’ll be mad/punish you. The consequence of boundaries is loss of access so the person behaving poorly can’t continue to harm the person setting the boundary

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I don't think the amount of time you've been together is hugely important. Some people I know moved in after 2 weeks and are still together 15 years later.

That being said, yes, leave him, if he's wanking to kids he's a nonce.

You’re in therapy. Together? What does the therapist say?

That whole tit for tat thing just doesn’t work in relationships. You’ve been together for a year and you’ve each cheated. What will keep each of you from doing that again the next time you’re feeling hurt, lonely, betrayed.

My advice for longevity……always turn toward each other. Even when it sucks to do so. Always turn toward each other.

thumbs up