So what sort of action items or lists have you developed to ease each other's fears and keep communication open? Therapy is great and if resources would be available everyone should have someone permanently available, but it is only 1 step forward.

If you and your partner can't get over the required openness that will be needed for a LONG TIME then it will be very tough.

Because he is taking advantage of your kindness. He sounds like a manipulator. I wouldn’t bother with him anymore if I were you.

You’re both toxic. Just breakup. You’re clearly not going to get over the resentment and trying to get back at him just makes everything worse.

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Took the words right our of my mouth.

Why would he view your phone while you were sleeping. I think that's kinda rude and disrespectful towards you. If it were me, as long as I'm not cheating with anyone. I would love to have a little privacy of my own. Especially when I'm asleep.

Before my now wife and I got sexual. We booked in together to get a full STI/STD check first.

Something was deep but it wasn’t the conversations…

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OP there is a lot that goes on in Anime and I'm attaching a link on how unfortunately things like this have been seen for the people that make it themselves.

​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky3HqvT3M8E

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I think i still felt resentment from when he did it to me.. i never really got over his betrayals

We know it’s toxic but we both started going to therapy we want to be better for each other

There is always going to be a holiday, an excuse, a bad timing moment. When you want out, get out. Full stop. It's a break up. Not a death.

Now hear me out - sometimes I'll have a tug while watching something else. Usually I'll pause it, not always.

Is it possible he was just masturbating, and there happened to be a TV show playing? You never know when the urge strikes...

I genuinely didn’t keep them for self gratification. They were from a year ago so they were always in my hidden folder. We dated for one month in person, 3 months online, and this is the first time i’ve been with him since that one month IRL so it didn’t cross my mind that I had content I should delete in there because honestly I overlooked the fact that they were in there and that he could’ve stumbled across them .. I did think to delete all the photos and videos of my exes that were in my main photos folders. I just really didn’t think of the hidden folder.

also, it is highly uncommon in our relationship. he watched my password over my shoulder. I’ve never given him a reason to suspect I was doing anything and to the bottom of my heart I haven’t been engaged with anyone else or doing anything suspicious. It was so out of the blue. It made me feel like he went to my hidden folder for wank content for himself because I wasn’t giving him sex. he actually mentioned he “thought the hidden folder would have interesting pics of me” so… i’ve never gone through his phone, haven’t even asked for the password. the one time he did show me his camera roll he had a few photos of his ex but i didn’t mind. i trust him.. but he doesn’t feel the same i suppose.

Time of year doesn't matter. If it sucks it sucks anytime. It's cruel to stick around longer than you're interested.

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Lol 😆 🤣

Maybe a little fear will wake him up.

Fair enough though, I do deserve the shame. Sometimes I am to blunt and to much of an asshole for my own good.

You want to make a friend regret not having the same feelings you do? She was just being honest. Why on earth would you want to make her feel bad about being honest with you.
Isn't that what good friends do for each other? If anything you should be grateful to her, since she let you know that it's time to stop mooning over her, and start looking elsewhere for a compatible romantic partner.

You invested way too much time in a FANTASY about how great it would be to go out with her, and now you are blaming her for bringing you back down to earth. It sounds to me like your feelings and your pride got hurt when she turned you down, so now you're looking for a way to retaliate and make her feel just as bad as you do. But if you truly cared for her, you wouldn't want to hurt her that way.

A better solution, at least for the short term, is to avoid talking and hanging out with her one-on-one with this girl until you regain your equilibrium. That's a bit harder when you are in the same friend group, but not impossible. In fact, if she tries to initiate a conversation, just tell her "Sorry, I'm not ready to be all buddy-buddy with you yet. Let's give it some time and space." She was honest with you, and you can be honest with her.

Better than February 14th right? Seriously though, the longer you string him along the worse it’ll be. Just do it.

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That’s kinda what I’ve been thinking. Is that she has Narcissistic traits. But she apologizes for things too much, used to cut herself. I’ve been told Narcs will not cut or apologize for much of nothing

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So a recent break up just occurred and I’m somewhat reflecting on if certain behaviours exhibited (from my partner) were ‘right’. I would often question myself if I was misunderstanding something. So here are a few examples:

• Being set a ‘curfew’, I couldn’t be out with friends of either sex in a pub/bar/event/social setting past 21:00.
• Being told that I could not go somewhere if women were present (like the gym).
• Being let on that visiting family 1-2 times a week was not a good thing.
• Unable to attend birthdays or parties of friends.
• Family holidays (or of any kind) were a big no.
• Expected to reply to messages/ texts in certain timeframes.
• Couldn’t enjoy time alone for hobbies.
• Female coworkers seemed to be frowned upon.

I understand that people have their own views on what they find ‘acceptable’ in a relationship and this will vary depending on the individual. But to be told you “Can’t” or “Won’t” with no particular explanation as to why, other than “I don’t like/want it” I fail to get.