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Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess

Whenever I feel alone I come to this sub-reddit, it often reminds me of how lucky I am. Fuck relationships.

Why did you think it was lower? I couldn't tell you my exact number if I wanted to, I was pretty wild in my early teens and college so mine was significantly higher at your age, intimacy has changed for me a lot over the years specifically when I got with my current SO, before it was purely physical pleasure for me, so I had very casual approach to it, but now a lot of the enjoyment is the emotional side. As long as you're comfortable with your partners past and their views of intimacy align with yours I think that's what matters.

Well 2 years of this and this isn’t the first time I’ve seen him act like this in front of me with other women. So I can’t imagine what he does when he’s just with his friends at the bar. He always brings me with but then does that and idk why. I’ve brought it up to him many times. He bought me flowers 2x to try to make up for cheating on me but doesn’t act differently. And hasn’t changed since to try to work on it. He’s manipulative in the way that he does things that make me happy but then manipulated me when he does bad things. It’s a very hard situation for me to be in right now.

Life is too short to spend it miserably. If you've exhausted all options and reasonable attempts at communication I would separate, spend some time apart, and then divorce if that isn't enough for him to take you seriously.

First she’s gaslighting you.

But in answer to your questions, yes in a relationship especially before marriage both parties should work together and contribute more or less evenly regardless of gender.

In this specific relationship, she is clearly taking advantage of your kindness and you should break up with her.

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You could move away & start over. It has to sound tempting, though scary.

Airline pilot. 200+ lol

The phone snatching is a red flag for sure! I absolutely would not tolerate that bullshit.
He is obviously lying about his job title and income to make himself feel better. That kind of insecurity is a major red flag! And the fact that he is talking about marriage and children when he can't even be honest about his job is a sign that he's trying to trick you into getting stuck in this relationship before you know the truth about him.

You should gently confront him, tell him that if he wants a future with you he needs to stop lying and build a relationship with honesty and trust. Give him a little time to figure out if he can do that and be ready to leave if he doesn't.

Do you have any specific feedback? Parts you disagree with?

There is a lot to unpack here.

You sound very interested in your coworker, that feels like a walking fantasy you live out a little. You also sound dissatisfied with your boyfriend like you want him to be jealous and give you more attention. Both of these are fine as thoughts and feelings, but ultimately won't give you what you want.

As i was reading, I thought, "she's one wine session away from cheating on her husband with this guy" and lo and behold you confessed it already happened. Pretty sure that's where your guilt is coming from.

Your husband is stupid, and you are overly needy. And his friend is getting resentful for only being your emotional tampon. It's only a matter of time before he gets you drunk enough...

One reason it happens is if he’s a really bad people pleasers and fears being disliked. So he’ll try to make everyone like them, and if he can’t he’ll prioritize the people he doesn’t know as he doesn’t know if they’ll forgive him but he does know the people he’s close to will. Basically he takes advantage of the people close to him, in order to make sure everyone likes him, but in the end, he’ll lose close friends as that gets old fast. If that’s his issue, it can take years of therapy to figure it out, find solutions and develop better behaviors, if it’s possible to fix at all. So the sooner you jump ship, the better.

He has no financial incentive to find a paying job because you are enabling him. He does not have to pay for any living expenses. As you see he is using any of his money to buy toys for himself. Your family is right. Give him 30 days to find his own place and job then kick him out.

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If you don't love giving then it's not going to be good anyway

There isn’t anything you can do. You had 8 years to do something and you didn’t. Let him go.

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I am independent and have a stable career and all that. I have a little savings, probably not enough to last me very long, but working on it slowly. I've been working since I was 17 or so.

Give it your all. Be present for him. He is checking out because you are not there...be there for him.

Thank you! It’s the fact that he did it right in front of me and then acted like he didn’t just ask her. I should have known he was gonna do this. Thank you.