What’s his engineering degree in? It’s not unusual for companies to have weird domain-specific engineering titles and for people to refer to themselves as a more general engineer. Was it production engineer on the title? Pay’s still suspicious if that’s gross or net without really high deductions set.

The phone grabbing’s more disturbing to me. How long have y’all been dating? Also no, not all men lie and you should shoot for better for yourself

Yeah that’s what I thought. Thank you for the advice. I always wonder why he likes to impress other women so much but not me. We’ve been together for almost 2 years so I really needed this. Thank you.

It's not a matter of what and who expects, but it's a matter of what you like or dislike doing.

There are such options.

1. There are guys who like blowjob, but in response they do not do cunnilingus, they do not do it at all.
2. There are guys who like blowjob, and in response they do cunnilingus, but without pleasure.
3. There are guys who love blowjob and are happy to do cunnilingus.

Then there are the same three categories, only those who do not like blowjob, and three more categories in which guys are genuinely indifferent to blowjob in general. And a bunch of subcategories. :)

I emphasize that what is important is what is normal or positive for you during your desire to please your partner, and it does not matter that someone expects something from you.

Some smart guys start strangling girls during sex, because they say they've seen enough porn and thought they'd like it. Girls, almost everyone with whom they do this turns out to be in shock. But it is not necessary to draw an analogy between lovers of asphyxia and lovers of oral caresses now.

Blowjob is great when the one who does it is happy, and the one to whom it is done is delighted. Only such a scheme is ideal :)

"Issue" #1

>My boyfriend doesn’t care that my coworker seems interested in me

This in it of itself is not a problem. It's not your bf's job to shut down your coworker. That's your job, and your bf seems to trust that either your coworker isn't "romantically" interested in you or that you'll shut him down if he does show that he's "romantically" interested in you. So honestly no problem here as far as I can see.

Issue #2

Literally everything about this reply here ^

You and your bf should be spending quality time together. Everyone is allowed and should have "alone" time to do their own thing, but if he's not giving you any of his time that's an issue.

>Now, I have a guy who actually does want to do stuff with me and takes an interest in my interests. I don’t know. I’d just think maybe my boyfriend would try to step it up if he really cared I guess.

OOF... Sounds like you're having "the grass is always greener on the other side" trope. Not really fair to be telling bf about this guy and expecting him to see that you're really asking him to spend more time with you.

>I’ve expressed to my boyfriend before that I often feel very lonely with him. He doesn’t have much to do with me and shows little interest in me. He never likes to go out and do things with me.

Not sure what "I've expressed" looks like, but I'd recommend a serious sit down convo with your bf about this. He needs to be spending more time with you, otherwise, are you still with him?

>he said yeah, because now he doesn’t have to.

If that's what your bf told you, he's either an asshole and you should seriously consider dumping him, or he's a dumbass and, assuming you want to stay with him, should educate him on what a relationship is.

LMAO 🤣!! Go criticize someone else!!

Karma always gets cheater back leave him so he can find someone who actually cares for him

All guys are different and want and expect different things.

Kick her out and go no contact after making sure all her crap is out of your place. Move when you can so she can't find you. She is definitely using you.

I don't and never have.

I've had some partners in the past who liked doing it and offered, and others who didn't.

It really comes down to the relationship and talking about what you each want/expect from the other. Casual or otherwise.

>How can I get her to act like an adult?

You don't. That has to be something she wants to do and she clearly isn't in the head space for that. If you're unhappy in the relationship, just leave. Don't drag it out. You tried the ultimatum and no contact thing and it didn't work so I can't see why you'd want to stick around anymore.

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So I forgot to mention it but she also said I can stay the night too…. she mentioned this a couple times towards the beginning when I met her.

Thanks for the advice! I’m glad it worked out for y’all.

Uff. I feel you, as I have depression as well and have treated people poorly as a result (which I only realised later, once I was better - thanks, brain).

I’m a bit confused on the timeline here: Her comment that you needed a breakup to act nice and attentive kind of implies that she feels even after you returned to your field and got out of your depression, you were still not being what she needed? Is that right? Because if she isn’t satisfied with ‘non-depressed you’, it is a different situation than if she just hates the depressed period.

What has definitely happened, is that your depressive episode left it’s mark on your girlfriend - and you need to talk about that. She needs a chance to verbalise her hurt, confusion and what she went through, while you were trapped in the depression bubble. Hate is a strong word - there is a lot of emotion there, which she hasn’t really worked through properly. I feel it might also be worth while looking at what happened on your end - how did you slip into asshole mode and how far? Did people point out that you were an asshole and you refused to get help? Really open up about how you felt during that time, including all vulnerabilities, though be very careful that you don’t slip into comparisons or a pity party. This is about her emotions and so she can understand what was happening at the other end, to help her contextualise what happened.

What I’d also do, is make a proactive plan. You’ve now had a depressive episode - you need to learn from that. “Don’t work 70 hours per week in a dead end job” is not a sufficient take away. What were the early warning signs that your mental health was slipping? What are symptoms you can look out for? What were the steps along the way until you reached rock bottom? What are you going to do at each of these stages to break this pattern before you turn suicidal, if this happens again? Showing that you are doing your damnest to prevent this from ever happening again, will do more than any assurances that it is over (also, incidentally, will be worth a lot, if you start slipping again - with or without your girlfriend. My tip is to stick that emergency plan somewhere where you can easily access it AND give a copy to your best friend, as sometimes others can see what we can’t).

After all that, see if she is prepared to allow for healing to happen. She might still want to break up, which sucks. Whatever happens, she will likely need time to digest. This will also not be done in one evening’s discussion and will likely keep bubbling up for a while. Honestly, let her dictate the pace. Feel the mood. Allow her to shout at you and cry if that’s what’s needed.

I wish you the very best. It sucks when depression massacres a relationship, but sadly it happens. At that stage all you can do is try to repair and attempt to learn for the future.

It does matter to me within reason. I wouldn’t be comfortable with a partner who has slept with 100+ men for example.

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The way he sees it is that you already had plenty of time...8 years worth of time...you don't do something real quick then he will end it for good

I agree, thanks for the advice.

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I agree, but to clarify I was alone for years by choice, I was very happy and I could easily do that for the rest of my life. At first he was what I was waiting on and still is in all the other ways, but it’s not worth it if it stays like this and I know that.

29 with a count of around 30-35. I lost count in the later teens and early 20s but based on the periods of being single and my relationships I can roughly estimate it.

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You can't move into someone's house and immediately make rules. Did you discuss dishes and shoes before you two moved in?

I agree they should silence their phone at night. Clearly it's too much trouble, which I see as a sign they do not care about you. Sleep is vital.

But moving in within two months of dating is such a bad idea. Hopefully you can move back to wherever you came from and start actually dating. Cause what you are doing isn't dating.