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I think you should end it. You appear to have made yourself perfectly clear multiple times and she gaslights you in to thinking it’s all your fault or you should be doing more. She’s manipulating you and taking you for a ride financially. She sounds exhausting and frustrating. You’re going to be better off (in terms of your finances and your mental health) being single.

If he's just a boytoy FWB, why do you care? I'd think this is none of your business.

That said, any dude who spouted "once you bake a cake, it cannot go back to how it originally was" sounds like a tool.

YMMV.

If you want to have sex with other people and experiment sexually, then you'll have to break up with her. She's explicitly stated that she's not comfortable sharing you, so trying to explore anything while you're dating her would be cheating.

Run. Runnnnnn. You got a narcissistic manipulator there.

I'ma be honest dude I won't go fucking near a woman who scoffs at splitting a bill or who lets a single word like "provider" spill from her lips. It's 2022 I expect women to be prepared to be part of a dual income household. If you ever have a partner act like this about money discussions even once, that's your exit. That goes for everyone of all genders.

Its 2022 unless you and your partner agree fully on stay at home and one income or on a specific person being responsible for finances, or something similar, finances should be handled as equals.

Find a therapist, get some help.

I believe she wants to share it with me, but it is very hard for her so she reacts that way. But From some of her reactions, I get the gut feeling that she is trying to portray this trauma for some other things. Though I don't like this thought of mine, and I don't want to carry it. But I can't kill it either.

I’m sorry. I feel like she is taking advantage of me to a degree and acts like a child when she avoids responsibility for her actions. Would you agree that we are supposed to work together on things? And every time we try to have a serious conversation it’s almost like there is no “us” it’s that she’s going to do what she wants to do regardless

That’s actually really helpful, I’ll keep this in mind. Thank you.

I think in order for this to work there has to be a level of scrutiny most adults don’t want and don’t have the energy for.

She’d have to give complete access to her phone at all times and location at all times. And respond to text and phone calls immediately. And if she ever goes radio silent or disappears for “me time”, then the relationship is over.

It’s too much.

Then you get into the notion of balancing the scales. Every time there is a fight or resentment well she cheated. So she’s always wrong.

Okay that's not him being untrustworthy that's him being conflict averse. He didn't lie for the sake of lying, he lied because he doesn't like conflict.

Sounds like you have no reason not to trust him.

Toxic toxic toxic lol maybe they deserve each other XD

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Reconciliation is an extremely difficult job to pull off with lower success rates according to stats. That's not to discourage you but it takes 2 to repair a relationship and he seems done. I'm sorry OP. You can use some help from r/SupportforWaywards and resources from r/SupportforBetrayed to help yourself and your partner. Best of luck

I havent used the apps in 1+ years and I still get emails and so does my partner.

He’s told the odd lie to reduce confrontation as we did have a few arguments in the beginning but he ended up telling the truth once we spoke each time, now we’re open with each other and the relationship is healthier

Reading from what you have written, I find it weird that she keeps bringing up the topic in front of you every time, and if you participate in the conversation, she blames you for it. Are you guys engaged yet or something? If I were you, I would spend some more time trying to understand the person. Don't jump into marriage without knowing what their actual nature is, and if you can handle it.

As for the potential childhood trauma. I would say let nature take its course. You cross the bridge when you reach there. Sometimes people find it difficult to handle and understand what happens with them.

1000 percent agree. but what if he forgives her fully and she is actually trying her best not to be a fuck up and is doing so through all the right channels. What i am saying is the relationship can be saved it just requires all parties to actually want to save it

The real question is why do you worry ?

Has he given you any signs at all that he's untrustworthy

Been hurt before so I’m a bit scared

Both parties should ideally provide in a committed relationship, it sets up a very unbalanced relationship when there's only a single breadwinner

Marriage shouldn’t be a compromise. Celibacy isn’t for everyone, so if you’re just marrying to have sex with her on her terms, terrible idea.

I don’t see a point in you pursuing marriage and I even question how you’ve stayed together so long with drastically different priorities and principles.

I can give advice but it’s more likely she’ll dump you regardless of what you do moving forward.

Lol you're upset that your boyfriend trusts you and isn't jealous? Honestly kind of a strange take.

What's more concerning is the way that you talk about this guy. Sounds like YOU are starting to like him.

Why should he be worried unless you are open to cheating ?

Trust isn’t a stupid idea