Take the happiness you can now. Every good thing eventually ends, why rob yourself of joy now? If you lived happily for 60 years and then he keeled over of a heart attack, you'd still be wishing for more time. Life is hard, it's cold, it's often cruel. TAKE THE JOY WHEN IT'S OFFERED.

Old message from before your relationship and he stopped talking to her when your relationship became official. What’s the issue here and what is there to not trust?

Listen to his words: “Then I don’t know what love is.” Exactly. The cheating was unfortunate for you as it seems to have racked you with guilt. It’s done. You did it. Put it behind you. But do not allow this guilt to camouflage the truth here. You describe him as your “true best friend.” But that’s not what you want. He has failed to meet even the most basic requirements of a “loving” relationship. He has taken you for granted and has not shown up for you which led you to betray his trust. I’d be packing my bags with the exhilaration and excitement of moving on. But please, stop beating yourself up. In the future, it’s important to clearly articulate to your next BF when things aren’t working. “Hey, I feel unloved, like a roommate. And you’re sleeping in another room. If things don’t change I’m going to have to rethink this relationship.”

So three dudes brought three strange girls home, but it was his friends who wanted to do it, and then they were having "deep conversations" at 6AM after partying all night at the club. And nothing happened!

Sure, Jan

Very true. But i don't know if it doesn't teach her anything, maybe after this time she feels like shit and she decides to actually change her ways. And if he really loves her and is willing to be with her as she get better so be it.

And are we sure he can do better? to stay with someone you know fucked another dude behind your back kind of makes you a loser. I know dudes who know they're getting cheated on but wont break up with them because they know they won't get anything better.

Options.

1. Do you have to join Peace Corps? If you can give up this idea to be with him, then this is one of the options.
2. Why doesn't he come with you, joining Peace Corps too? Could he give up his plans for 2 years to help you in volunteering? Therefore, this is also a good option, unless, of course, by the phrase "it's not the route he wants to take" you meant that you had already discussed it.
3. You can ask him to wait for you. If he is a man of honor and can be responsible for words and promises, regardless of circumstances, then this is also an option.

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The relationship was already dead and you dropped a nuke on it just to make sure. Leave each other alone. And this cheating habit has a real potential to ruin your next relationship, you really ought to work on that if you want to find happiness

So you've cheated on him twice and he's still talking to you? All I've heard is whining. You never did anything to remedy the first betrayal and then you went and did it again? I'm sorry but you'll have a hard time getting any sympathy from this post. Please move on and spare him your self centered actions. Betrayal is the worst act one can can do in a relationship and you did it twice. Don't believe you're remorseful at all and your actions have yielded the consequences. You have to work on your viewpoint of relationship responsibilities and accountability. Not trying to pile on but these are the truths and wish you the best.

Yes forget about it...there's nothing going on...he's good

>I’m not saying that justifies me cheating, but it may be the reason I did it.

If you want to save the relationship, don't say things like this. It's not even the 1st time you cheated. I'm not being judgy, just laying out a fact.

On the rest, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to begin with, so I'm not sure why you want to save it so badly. But if you do, you need to realize a couple things. Most of all, if he learns to trust you, this takes time. Giving him your passwords doesn't help him trust you, because trust comes from inside. Also, be aware that it's not "just" the cheating. You also proved to him you can lie convincingly. He's the one who has to work through this, meaning your job is to give him the space and stay patient.

Also, just a random observation. When you first got together, you were 19 and he was 24. This is a huge age gap, esp for you, and it might be part of this.

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Yes. Let it go.

You have a kid. Being able to eat is your priority, not some dude.

Thinking of moving in with him? Don’t. Way too soon.

It's an old messaged from when they used to talk and they haven't spoken since. I wouldn't worry about it.

Also, I am terribly sorry. At the end of the relationship, one always asks oneself why in search of closure. I always have fallen back on 'well, that sucks burning ass, but it is was it is.' It's a tar pit otherwise.

you do therapy.

I think it is healthy and great that you are feeling those things because it would be strange if you were into this girl and didn't feel upset about it.

So embrace those feelings in a way that you understand these are normal feelings when you have interest in a partner. As long as she is not visiting the fella any longer you can definitely move past this. You can definitely have boundaries that you are comfortable with moving forward and it sounds like you two have already figured that out.

Say in the future she meets up with him again that would be a deal breaker in my mind because she knows you are uncomfortable with that. If she is a partner worth your time and cares for you she will not put you in those positions moving forward.

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I have pretty severe trust issues that im working on, i dont want to be that person, thats what i need advice on, how do i become more trusting and less neurotic

let her open up to you at her own pace, despite your curiosity and questions. what’s in her past could very well be traumatic and difficult for her to talk about which is why she got defensive. i would not question it further, it sounds like she will tell you eventually when she’s ready.

You were lonely and was feeling unloved, it still doesn't give you the right to cheat... You should've moved on, instead of staying in the relationship. You didn't even have the decency to come clean to him, he found out on his own( his luck has not run out)

Now the only person to forgive you should be your husband. I hope he doesn't forgive you, and kick your cheating ass to the curb.

Of course move somewhere more affordable. Why are you risking staying in an expensive area for a new relationship?

She loves living here. She loves her school and friends. But she wouldn’t mind moving back (we’re from Alabama) she misses having a yard and pets. My plan was to buy a house but with the prices so high it’s becoming unattainable in Florida.