Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

Standard_Buffalo7762 OP t1_iycs0h3 wrote

We met on campus and were on talking terms, and then she brought up the topic of marriage and asked me, I accepted as thinking it was an easier way of finding a partner. Never thought she would turn out like this. Well I guess it's also my fault for not actually thinking it through

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undercovertortoise t1_iycrc13 wrote

Is arranged marriage normal in your culture? It is in mine, l was never taught the implications of marriage, just told that it was a necessity. If she never had a relationship and has grown up under a culture where dating and talking about intimacy is taboo she probably doesn't even understand the concept of marriage/a relationship properly

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ProfessionalOven5677 t1_iycr5xw wrote

I’m not sure if the approach of focusing on making the other person happy is the right. What about self-esteem, confidence, being happy and secure with how you are? What about liking yourself? For me that always comes first. Taking care of yourself is important. So have you even talked to her why she made those changes? How it makes her feel? How she felt about her appearance before? To me clothing can be very empowering, the right kind gives me confidence and makes me feel badass. Also what’s so wrong with experimenting a bit with your style at some point in life. Most women I know get bored of their hairstyle every now and then and Thema change from long to short time and let it grow out after.

Maybe I’m wrong with that, but when you compare it to how you would feel about changing your style for her, I think it’s different because I’m general (again I could be wrong and over generalizing) the role of style, hair, clothes etc for women is just different. A lot of women I know including myself love getting ready and doing some self care. Like face masks, hair masks, styling hair, make up, choosing a perfect outfit etc. So I think for many women those things are a way of expressing themselves, having fun and feeling god about themselves. While a lot of men don’t really care that much about their outfit and put less time in their hairstyle and picking clothes as long as they look kept together. And if that’s the case for you too, then changing you hair cut for someone is not the same as when you hair and style is very important to you.

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Seemedlikefun t1_iycqou4 wrote

Take a step back and look at this from a different perspective. What other changes have been happening that you haven't been paying attention to? This is not taking place in isolation. Her disregard for what you like and find attractive about her appearance didn't stop overnight. You need to look for patterns of both yours and her behavior changes, and pull on that thread. Regardless of the true reason, these are major red flags including the 10 year time frame. I'll not tell you what I think is going on, because your gut is screaming at you enough that you are posting here.

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GroundbreakingBet281 t1_iycpgmx wrote

It doesn't even sound like marriage, it sounds more like you have a new daughter. She doesn't get what she wants, so she throws a fit and goes to her other parents house until you give in and buy her a present, You're not sleeping together ever and she has no interest in doing anything for you at all. What your parents are asking you to do is not to be the bigger person, it's to be her new dad and just roll over and be her bitch.

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TyphoonCane t1_iycpa13 wrote

If she has stopped considering what you want from a relationship then it's time to end it. I wouldn't end it over this being a single instance of her giving the cold shoulder, but if it is part of a larger trend of her ignoring your wants then it's time to leave. Cooperation is a choice on both ends, and if you two aren't giving what the other wants then it's just time to stop cooperating.

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AutoModerator t1_iycoxql wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.


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