I guess it's up to you to figure which pros or cons are more important and maybe try to communicate and fix the worst cons.

I thought it would be too long but here are some pros:

-he is intelligent -we have similar world views -he has a great sense of humor and knows how to make me laugh -he is clean -he is an amazing cook and loves making me meals -he is responsible -I feel taken care of by him -his family is great and adores me -he has a great group of friends that I get along with -he has been incredibly supportive with my own career goals

CRYING SELFIES???????? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DUDE. I'm sorry I'm sorry but the thought of a grown man, crying and then taking a picture of himself is just too fucking.... DUDE, this can't be real

hahahah

Childish and Manipulative AF!

I would also be more specific, instead of saying, “I want more attention,” say, “can you rub my back,” or whatever would help you feel better.

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What are the pros all you did is listing the cons.

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Yes, you’re absolutely right. She did.

Agreed. I commented about this same thing 6 hours before you did.

It's bizarre actually! I thought I was going nuts reading OP's post several times and not seeing that she cheated.

Guess people just read the "title" and automatically assumed she did. Lol

That's a fresh take from the one already ingrained in my head: he doesn't want to put the effort in. Never thought of that, thank you!

So she cheated on you a bunch of times. Not only lied about it for 10 years, but doubled down and changed her past to you being her only lover.

Talk to a divorce attorney, get everything in order and when you are ready, tell her you are filing for divorce.

Yeah that's very true. I generally don't jump to cheating. I'll typically call out the OP for their fair share of the problem. But in this case, it seems like she's willing to put effort into the relationship and he's being very distant. I'm open to being wrong, but it's my interpretation of the situation.

I agree with the attraction, desirability, and stability part of how the sexes age differently. But, I just don't always jump to "they must be cheating" whenever there's a problem. I know this sub does. Every fucking person not getting along here is cheating according to this sub. But, this sub is dominated by young people without much experience so they go for the easy answer instead of thinking deeper since they haven't had a lot of relationship experience.

this is 100000% him manipulating you and everyone you care about so you'd feel pressured to get back with him. my ex cut his palm and sent me a picture and called all my friends crying.

once he was sure i wasn't coming back, he talked shit about me to all his friends, my friends, their boyfriends and even talked shit about my family.

LEAVE

You are asking to a grown man to live, even if just for a few days, under other people's generosity. It's akward at best.

You can't see that because you see your parent's house as your house too. He don't.

Fair point, although I did mention reasons that play towards his wellbeing which he is aware of. I can reiterate them if I wasn't clear the first time.

Also, it's not like I make him actively do anything, I just find comfort in his presence, which I agree is not a long term solution for my problems with my parents. I will have to stand up to them on my own one day, and I tried plenty of times already but it's like they forget the very next day. Admittedly I don't know how hard I'm trying because I don't want to completely lose contact with them, just to keep my distance, which they don't take well for now.

You might need a gun to fend off all these ass-slapping cougars.

It's a possibility, but I think it's unlikely since he doesn't seem to be putting up a lot of effort to be considerate of her feelings. Imo, the behavior is more congruent with someone who's begun cheating and so expends their emotional efforts on that person.

If it were something particular that OP were doing, it's my reasoning she would mention that he chastised her about it or that she has some level of insecurity about it and, as such, might be worried it is the cause.

Though one factor she might be overlooking is age. Men and women experience opposite social effects when aging. Women become less desirable, in general, as they become less fertile and looks start to deteriorate. Men, however, become more desirable as they mature since they're seen as more wise and stable as a provider. And that could be a reason he cheats is because he found a younger woman. Happens very often.

But aren't you using your boyfriend as a coping mechanism as well? You are literally using him as a shield just because you are unable to stand on your own two feet vs your parents. He's clearly uncomfortable and you are trying to force him to do things he doesn't want to do and much worse, YOU don't even want to do it. No one wants to be a scapegoat in a relationship so I don't blame him for not wanting to go. How this how you intend to live your life 10 years from now, when you have kids and plan to grow old with him?

How can you even compare the drummer to your situation? Because one is clearly a vacation that they both will and want to enjoy. You mentioned all the reasons why you want your boyfriend around none of them included anything about his feelings nor that you both would enjoy being there. You've got to do better if you want this to work out.

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Maybe he doesn't want to hurt her feeling.