Find an NA meeting and go ASAP. Get treatment. If you are serious about getting clean, there are resources to help you. You have to want it for yourself. You have to want to get clean and sober and healthy more than you want your girlfriend. Do this for yourself and for your future. Ask her to get help too. Being apart while you get sober may be a good idea for both of you.

Absolutely you can say no! Girl, it is not your job to make men feel better or protect their feelings. What about what you want? Put yourself first. Never say yes to a date or anything else just because someone wants it and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. That’s not fair to you. As women were conditioned to cater to everyone’s needs above our own, especially mens. I’m here to tell you to stop doing this, and give you permission to put your needs and wants first.

I thought I was overthinking things I have a lot of anxiety. I have always gotten added to group chats never made one. Also my close friend and I are gay and the other guy has a girlfriend so I doubt anyone of us has feelings for each other.

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This man is married and therefore unavailable. He needs to sort out whether he wants a divorce, he then needs to follow through on it, then he needs time to heal and reflect. And only then is there a chance that you two could be in a functional relationship.

If you two start anything before that time, it's very likely to fail. Don't get involved with a married man. You can't be the reason he divorces, you can't be his fallback, you can't be his mistress, all of it ends in disaster. He needs to decide on divorce (or not) on his own. He needs work up the courage to tell his wife, he needs to get a lawyer, he needs to work on custody, he is facing a lot of awkwardness and it's NOT up to you to support him through that. He may not even do it. Don't be his "we can be together someday, I promise" person.

You really wanna be with someone who’s shown you they’re willing to step out on their commitment to their relationship? I feel so bad for both his wife and your partner. Gross.

Edit: next steps… talk to a therapist instead of trashing all the lives involved.

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You shouldn't have to , he's being selfish that's why he chose someone so much younger than him.

Let it go

I agree that we are probably a bit codependent but there’s no denying we share an incredible amount of love for each other. I haven’t been to therapy recently due to not being able to afford it but I have already booked an appointment following this incident.

Also I have to make it clear that I was already feeling suicidal this wasn’t a ploy to make her stay. I can think rationally now and see how dramatic and ridiculous it all is now but it’s not the first time I have felt extremely suicidal and wanted to act upon it. I will admit the guilt from hurting her and my loneliness made me try to jump out the window as I felt I was a horrible person and did not want to live. I am aware I need help. Have needed it since I was a kid but had emotionally neglectful parents. We both have past trauma and need help to grow as people. Hopefully we can be together again one day but right now I agree that it’s too toxic and harmful.

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No, you want the total opposite. Just leave. Don't get near, it will help you mentally and also her to clear her mind in case she wants to really get back, not because you are pressuring or guilt tripping her.

Yeah it really sucks. The one who had them shared multiple times is neurodivergent and gets a majority of their social interaction through social media, so it's been very hard on them. I wish there was more that could be done about these types of scams but it seems like the internet is the wild west these days.

Love and compatibility are two different things. You two clearly are not compatible because if you were, you would be more peaceful. If you find tho that you are angry at everyone, maybe you just have anger issues that need to be resolved. But seriously, you two need to to just be apart.

Edit to add, you really need to get help for your drug use. What have you done about that? If you really want to see change in your life, that is a great place to statt

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

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It’s great you’re figuring this out at such a young age. I had some issues like this as well, and for me it all stemmed from anxiety. Therapy helped me out a lot, as well as SSRIs. Good luck!

This is pure poetry. Good for you OP, I wish you and your cat well-being going forward. Boop your cats nose for me please.

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I understand, thank you.

I guess what made me feel bad was recently there was a video of her ex jokingly giving her a lap dance, and obviously I would hate to see someone I love with someone else. But what also made me feel weird was her reaction afterwards and how quick she was to hide it away.

Asking for what you would like sexually in a sexual relationship doesn't make you overwhelming or a nag (unless you keep pestering him about it after you've already addressed it together, say twice). Asking for what you want is just communicating your needs.

If you call him selfish and say 'hey, I'm always blowing you but you never go down on me,' that's hella improper. But if you ask, 'hey, I'd really like it if you went down on me, are you up for that?' there's nothing wrong with that.