This is partially where the problem lies, the other day when i told her I couldn’t come over because of my 3 midterms the next day but i would make it up to her over the weekend, she gave me the cold shoulder and told me not to even worry about coming over. I constantly try to give her reassure because it isn’t that I don’t want to see her (I tell her this specifically”) it’s that so don’t have another choice and I need to grind out whatever it is in front of me at that moment.

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Look, both of you are likely very inexperienced and have super high expectations about what sex should be. This would make anybody nervous, I like the suggestion someone made below about spending time together naked without sex, just getting used to the idea of being vulnerable and curious around each other.

Your girlfriend may be just as anxious as you are. It's very likely that what she does to you may not feel as good as your hand, and vice versa. How would it? Neither of you know what the other one likes and how they like it.

Talk about it, make it something fun. Sex is meant to be fun rather than a chore or a negative experience.

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> Does anybody have any advice on how to better myself and how to be kinder to him?

On this, you can take note of things he enjoys and spend some effort learning about them and/or doing them together…

However…

> Or even why I would be lashing out without knowing why?

You MUST figure this out as your number one priority. Nobody is going to be happy in a relationship with someone who abuses them, no matter what nice things they do when they’re not being abusive.

I want to tell her this because I want things to work, but she didn’t seem to value me anymore. It seemed one sided in some aspects.

I want things to work and would work everyday on our relationship for it to work. It was just poor communication that caused the issues.

She said during the breakup maybe in the future we can get back together.

Idk if that is something you just say though.

I want to be with her but I want her to value me instead of me having to ask. I guess this would be me asking once again to work things out.

I just want her to know its when she is ready to commit rather than treat me poorly

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I lied to you because you don't trust me....

That is funny.

Your question is essentially “how do I force us to be compatible” but you can’t. I’m sorry OP

Mortgages aren't something you necessarily need to pay off, especially if they are low-interest. It makes much more sense to invest in retirement and otherwise. But if she isn't doing that, that could be a problem.

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There’s your answer. Talk to your girlfriend and work out ways to take the pressure off. Maybe just spend some time together naked without having sex. Just so you can get more relaxed.

You need to flee in the night.

He is a danger to your children and all of this nonsense about who is happy or who works hard or who is dumb or whether you buy good gifts is unimportant nonsense that you should not spent one more second of your life thinking about.

He is threatening you and he is threatening to run into a tree.

Take what you can carry and get out the next time he is gone or falls asleep.

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Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

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If you are using a condom then that’s probably why. Not saying don’t use a condom but I would suggest talking about birth control with her and figure that out.

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I talked to my therapist about it, she thinks it's because i'm overstimulated at that point and that's why it doesn't feel good for me. I know he has a hard time with the fact that he can't plaese me in that way becayse if that

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Listen to your therapist!!

It sounds like she wants validation for her feelings?

Not that you don’t have a good excuse, but if you’re shrugging her off with a quick text and expecting her to understand, that’s a bit different than maybe calling her or sending a longer explanation like :

“Hey babe, I know we had plans for Friday, but I have a huge midterm on Monday that I need more time to prep for. I’m so bummed and I feel awful for cancelling on you. Perhaps on Sunday we can at least meet for coffee or a quick lunch? The next week I’ll have a little more time, so I will plan something great for us on Thursday evening.”

To me, that would be better than: “hey babe, I gotta cancel tomorrow night. Big midterm on Monday. Love you. I’ll be in touch.”

So perhaps you might have to toss in a little extra TLC when you’re cancelling on her? And then make sure you absolutely follow-through when trying to make it up to her.

The problem in here is the fact that He has been constantly lying. I wouldn't buy anything with him.