Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

DogsandCatsWorld1000 t1_j6omgzx wrote

Reply to Me (F27)and my autistic boyfriend (M27) by DigPsychological7128

He is 27 years old and this is how he has been for the last three years. Doesn't matter if how he acts has anything to do with autism or not. This is how he is. If this is how you see the rest of your life then stay dating him. If not, then continue to not talk and get on with your life.

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KitPipin t1_j6omgpo wrote

Reply to comment by Personal_Change_7949 in I(19M) am kind of traumatized by the fact that my girlfriend(18F) liked being touched on the face by her crush before me. by Personal_Change_7949

You had no business thinking about your girlfriend's future when it involved her compromising on her education.

Especially only 4 months in.

Just like here - keep your nose out of her "incidents".

God forbid she shat in the same public toilet as her crush. Gosh, what an incident of all incidents would that be.

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nothanksandthensome t1_j6olyl3 wrote

Reply to Moving in together with my [f24] bf [m24] for the first time. What piece of advice you wish someone told you when you did the same ? by Loud-Situation2643

Aside from the usual things you mention that you and your boyfriend are already on the same page about, I would suggest talking about the following just off the top of my head:

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  • House guests rules

How much are each of you comfortable with having people over? How do you expect the other person to act and interact if only one of you has couple over, e.g. non-mutual friends? How will you deal with it if a family member from afar wants to visit or if a friend suddenly needs a place to crash?

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  • General planning

What counts as shared plans? If your boyfriend says "I'm making us pasta for dinner tonight", do you then have dinner plans together or is it ok if you spontaneously go for drinks with a coworker after work instead? How do you each expect the other to check in regarding individual plans? How much notice is acceptable if you want to make or break plans?

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  • Sleep pattern / sleep hygiene

Is one of you a night owl and the other not? Is one of you really fond of the snooze button and will wake the other one up every 10 minutes for an hour before getting out of bed? How do you each feel about electronics in the bed or in the bedroom as a whole?

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MckittenMan t1_j6olsui wrote

Reply to comment by Strange_Rush398 in What are the signs to end a long term relationship? I'm a 26F with a 27M for 8 years by Strange_Rush398

Well, I kind of disagree with this statement then.

>I can't ask him to change.

I think you can ask your partner to change.

When my and my GF started out, we agreed that we wanted to be the best partner possible to each-other. And that includes adapting, improving, ironing out negative characteristics, etc... all for the sake of benefiting the other.

And if we found something we couldn't do, we make an attempt at a compromise.

And for your case, a number of things I think you can request a change on.

For example:

  • I always have to drag him out of bed

You doing that... is a chore to you. That is a dynamic in your relationship you don't like. A reasonable thing to address. You're not his alarm clock or Mother. He can get up out of bed on his own.

And if you found that your partner has no desire to improve the relationship, or make a more fulfilling experience to you.. then that is a good time question the relationship.

Don't be afraid of addressing what you're unhappy about. A neglect to communicate, would be contributing to the failure.

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UnsightlyFuzz t1_j6ollxj wrote

Reply to I feel like a horrible, selfish, "crazy" gf for having so much trouble with my period and feeling isolated and alone in my past. 21f - 31M by [deleted]

Honey, I don't say this to be unkind, but I think you need mental health treatment more than you need a boyfriend-relationship right now. You've been through some heavy abuse and I also think you need an urgent doctor visit for the medical problem. You DO deserve good quality help!

If I were you I'd ask the boyfriend for space and meanwhile get in to see a doctor, get started with a therapist and maybe a psychiatric evaluation, and I don't know if you work or are in school, but maybe a little time off would do you good.

You absolutely do deserve to be treated well, to be understood, and to be free of pain.

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TrainParticular3565 t1_j6olkiz wrote

Reply to comment by pinuslaughus in I (24f) confessed my feelings to my doctor (f25-29) by [deleted]

She's a therapist and doctor at a mental health clinic. I think it's pretty common to have feelings for your "caretaker" when you develop somewhat of a doctor - patient relationship with them. It's more common than you think. How did I put her job in jeopardy. I didn't do anything?

Why? I could openly talk about this topic and we are all grown ups and am I not allowed to deeply appreciate a person?

She also chose to build a group with me, in a circle with 11 other patients. How is this supposed to be awkward around me. If she was she would have chosen other patients to sit in a group with. It was just me and two doctors.

I am trying. Do you have any advice how?

Btw.: Cis woman means identifying with the sex Hetero would be the sexuality

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Vlophoto t1_j6olg5h wrote

Reply to Me (F27)and my autistic boyfriend (M27) by DigPsychological7128

I believe you may need a better understanding about having a relationship with a person with autism. Each person is unique and if you have met one person with autism you have only met one person with autism. If the relationship isn’t for you then don’t stay in it. Understand who this person is and either accept it or not. I would not anticipate a lot of change

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