Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

AutoModerator t1_j6ofrhb wrote

Reply to [19M][22F] My BF intimidated my Friend’s Boyfriends by [deleted]

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aelizabeth3300 t1_j6ofikj wrote

Reply to comment by Misommar1246 in My (20F) Boyfriend (19M) of 2yrs Tipped 10%. Am I Being Overdramatic? by [deleted]

babe. they DONT make minimum wage. average server hourly wage is usually $2-5/hr.

the degrading part is you implying serving is “just” bringing food to a table. it is much more involved and difficult than that, both physically and mentally. it combines the difficulties of regular customer service with the difficulties of manual labor all rolled into $2 an hour.

again, i agree it shouldn’t be set up this way. and trust me, most servers don’t give a shit about actually getting 20%, we just don’t like when people leave $3 on a $90 tab. also, the reason it is a percentage, however, is because generally the more you’re spending the more work you’re creating for the server (ie more food running, more people to take care of) so they should get paid more for that service.

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AutoModerator t1_j6ofd3s wrote

Reply to Not sure if I’m overthinking things or if he just wants me because of sex (28F) (30M) by ThrowRALauraa

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

hollsberry t1_j6ofcmd wrote

Reply to I (29F) am dating a guy (29M) that has a peculiar relationship with his EX - what's your perspective? by canyouaskfirst

That’s not normal, and you already have confirmation that his exes partner is also uncomfortable with their relationship. I understand it’s painful to grieve a relationship, but you have to to give 100% of a relationship to your next partner. While they are no longer an official couple, and the physical part of their relationship is over, I would argue that their behavior indicates that they are unwilling to end the emotional part of their relationship. I feel comfortable saying that most people would be uncomfortable with their partner engaging in the emotional part of a relationship (ie, emotional support, emotional intimacy) with their ex. Typically, YOU would be the one your partner would rely on and you would rely on him. Also, homeboy has been out of the dating game for years, who is he to say what “most women” are comfortable with? Many women would consider his behavior an emotional affair.

Personally, I have a boundary in my relationship that we do not tell each other that we find others attractive. Obviously, others can be objectively attractive, but what purpose does it serve to tell your partner? We also have a boundary that we do not keep in contact with our exes, not because they’re evil, but because we want to rely on each other and focus on our relationship. I believe that you need to have a conversation with your partner about boundaries. The boundaries that you are expressing are NORMAL and reasonable. I personally would also have a conversation about the use of an insult (ie, calling you immature) while discussing boundaries.

Next, I understand that his ex is experiencing relationship troubles and needs advice and support, but I do not see a reason why your boyfriend is appropriate, especially considering that he is creating a problem in her relationship. A therapist is far more appropriate for her to be speaking to:

Ultimately, I personally view relationships as partnerships and as a team to build a life together. I looked for a partner who had the same view. I believe that it is reasonable. I feel from your post that you are second guessing yourself and doubting your boundaries, but they are also extremely reasonable. While he is hesitant to move past his ex, he is also depriving you of being YOUR partner. Breakups are painful, but you lean learn what you did right or wrong and apply that to your next relationship. You don’t have to “erase or delete” a part of your life, but you do have to move past and accept that it is over. Also, on most social media, there are ways to archive posts so they’re not deleted but are no longer public ally available.

Overall, I think you’re extremely reasonable and acting mature throughout this whole experience. I just wouldn’t change yourself over him.

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gcot802 t1_j6ofah4 wrote

Reply to I(19M) am kind of traumatized by the fact that my girlfriend(18F) liked being touched on the face by her crush before me. by Personal_Change_7949

Im sorry, but this is ridiculous. I am not trying to be mean to you, but if this is how you think then you are too immature to be in a relationship.

She liked someone before you, and obviously liked getting attention from him. How exactly has she broken your trust?

This is not “traumatizing.” It’s deep seated immaturity and insecurity.

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Tower-Junkie t1_j6of5t5 wrote

Reply to comment by keltik7 in [30M][31F] Husband won't communicate by Panic_Pixie

Often times it’s not that the person doesn’t want to be with you, they just want to reap the benefits of being with you without putting in the work to make you happy as well. I’m sure he’s just fine with getting his needs met and being cared about. He just doesn’t care enough to give back. People have mental and emotional issues that cause problems with communication, but that’s what therapy and classes are for. He refuses to do those.

Just a PSA for anyone in a situation where you’re asking something of your partner and they put you off or outright refuse: If they wanted to, they would.

If they wanted to take you out more, they would. If finances are the issue they’d find a way to do a cheap/free date here and there.

If they wanted to be more open and honest, they would. They’d get the therapy. They’d take the classes.

If they wanted to fix the issues, they’d do whatever they could to try and fix it.

If you’ve had repeated conversations with someone and they’re aware of the thing and they still won’t do the thing, they just don’t want to.

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