It’s not obvious to the servers or to Reddit, I assure you. Example: we don’t even know where OP lives and what the wage for servers is there and yet a lot of people on this sub think her boyfriend is cheap for tipping less than 20%.

If your friends will slander or leave you because you decided to leave a relationship you are not happy with anymore, then those are not really your friends in the first place.

Thanks for the reply! I'll bring it up with her.

Hmm if I had to say it, I think she doesn't see it as flirting and inappropriate comments. I would say she's optimistic that he's a good guy and since he has a girlfriend himself, he won't push any boundaries that would jeopardize that relationship. She's definitely said straight forward that she has a boyfriend, but doesn't state his comments are inappropriate. She sees the hangout as friends finally hanging out after a while of basically being pen-pals.

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unfortunetely obsessing over human behaviour and analysing every detail is part of my problem especially combined with deep feelings and my goal was to relieve myself and not causing more problems, I am also having a hard time to understand how I might have irritated her, since I tried to hide it and I think I managed to do that very well and I was looking as intensely and enquiring at her as I did with everyone else.

Things without logic are very hard for me to let go and I have to admit I am a bit hurt by it and I know I have the courage to these things. It's not hard for me, normal things are though. And I am beating myself up, because I am emotionally unstable. She also praised me for having the courage but then contradicted herself by making me insecure with her behaviour.

Thanks for reading my long post though!

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Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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I agree if you’re both really invested in this relationship. I’m not trying to be unkind. I just think it shows that he may not be on the same page. Actions speak louder than words.

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Doubt a man confident in showing he’s taken would be the least bit worried about attractive women he’d be around, let alone lying about his whereabouts.

Nothing wrong with being a wingman, but when you lie and instill doubts in your partner you become questionable yourself.

People who cheat don’t need wingmen, that friend clearly showed that. Your insecurity is boiling because you have lying partner who seems to be trickle truthing.

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You’re scared, tell her.

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psychosomatic - basically psychotherapy and organical checks combined. I was there for high functioning depression and a chronic organ disorder (reddit didn't let me keep making the post with mentioning this) - she was a doctor and a psychotherapist.

It's clear that he is flirting with her and making inappropriate comments. He doesn't sound like a friend, so why does she need to continue responding?

It sounds like your girlfriend doesn't do a good job at drawing boundaries. She can easily be direct that she has a boyfriend and his comments are inappropriate and she doesn't want to meet up with him in person or continue chatting.

Even though the doctor generally has a higher "status" than a patient, it can definitely happen that a professional doesn't know what to do and how to deal with both being professional and having feelings (positive/negative) that get in the way.

If I were you, I'd be happy to have had the courage to bring it up, the rest is just your doctor showing that she is also a flawed human being. Nothing bad, just uncomfortable.

I hope you don't beat yourself up over it and face the future with just another bit of experience under your belt.

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Leave him on read. Like a gentleman.

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Perhaps "Co-Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie might help you? For eg, if you want to talk to her about your feelings & she starts crying so you walk everything back (as you said), that's called "derailling" and focusing on her feels rather than yours. You don't have to be derailed. You can say "I know you're sad but I really need to talk about x. I'll give you a minute & then let's get back to what I need to talk about." YOu thinking it's your job to fix things for her is co-dependence,

It IS hard, but you will find (almost immediately) upon breaking up and no longer living with her that you will feel happier, lighter, more hopeful, interested in things/people/events. When you break with her, you should make it 100% (her and all her friends/relatives on all social media) and permanent.

Those of us who've left unfulfilling long-term relationships were surprised to find how quickly we felt immensely better. Best wishes on a great 2023!