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My husband & I each have our own checking & savings. Pay is deposited to our respective checking account. We split expenses so each month, we each transfer equal mortgage & house-related funds into a joint checking account used just for this purpose. We split groceries and utilities, paid out of our individual accounts. We have a joint savings account, just for vacations and major "wants" like new furniture. Each month we each put in an equal amount.

This works nicely for us. We mingle money related to the household and vacations but nothing more. Never had an argument about spending.

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If you do anything assume you will get no response and understand you are owed absolutely nothing from her.

The second you reach out a 2nd time you are harassing her, which by the way you on the edge of doing just contacting her at all.

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Oh right, you read it on Reddit so you know it’s a fact. Obviously, I’m the naive one here.

Sorry, OP. I posted this originally in the wrong place.

These events feel confusing and tense OP, so you are OK feeling discomfort.

In the light most favorable to everyone, on her side she used indirect dishonesty with the other guy. One example was being ambiguous to him--she stated she had BF, but she acted available in exchanging IG. She also acted indirectly dishonest to you both in failing to delete him. So again seeing most favorably, she used indirect dishonesty to avoid the discomfort of telling him a full, "no thanks." I see this as emotionally violent because it is steamrolling her false view on another.

She has been directly dishonest to you in the ways everyone has pointed out: the lie, the double-down, and the several acts of gaslighting. I think you are on to something in acknowledging you could have showed up in the ick of aggro demeanor or whatever. Bigger picture, she used dishonesty to avoid stating her feelings of discomfort around you. As above, I see this as the emotional violence of using dishonesty to steamroller over your feelings, to invalidate you, and attempt to silence you.

I think your only way forward if you want to try repairing things, is to see if you both can agree that you each need to work on emotional communication. If you both do agree, then the toolkit for both of you is the book "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. Each of you should Amazon a copy, study it, and implement changes under its teaching.

At the very least, you should buy a copy and study it. By the way, she has to buy her own copy. It puts her skin in the game.

If she won't buy the book, or if she buys it but can't be troubled to make time to read it, you will have another thing you will have to evaluate for what it means in relation to your life.

Hope that helps!

Agreed. But again, not tipping does nothing to achieve that goal. You’re just hurting the servers to make a moral stance, supposedly for them. Let’s all push for higher minimum wage for tipped staff, but let’s not hurt those staff with our meaningless gestures.

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Scam scam scam.

This is a classic scam and you should not be falling for it at ALL.

BLOCK him and move on. Lesson learned to the tune of 50 dollars.

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Lol I got told that r/personalfinance was the wrong sub

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Didn't Noma, the best restaurant in the world, just announce they are closing because the business isn't sustainable? Located in a country that isn't the US, they often used unpaid labor to operate under the guise of "internships"

Wrong sub

Start by deleting this and leaving her the hell alone

Explain to her (in small simple words please) that as a man you know what is best for women, including her. That it's just a silly phase she is in and that you will be better for her than any mere woman could ever be. Reiterate often that you are a MAN and that you demand she date you.
If she refuses remind her that all you have to do is talk to her father and he will hand her right over to you. This is the best way to approach any woman you desire to date. Show her your alphaness and refuse to be a fool.

(Hate that I have to do this, as I think the /s should be quite clear here, but I've been wrong about how others perceive sarcasm before)

He needs to know that muscle weighs more than fat. He also needs to eat more than once a day in order for his body to be able to function and to support his working out. Look at body builders. They don't eat only once a day. He can get a personal trainer who will help him navigate this and support him. In addition to you.

No they don’t that is a myth to make people feel bad there have been many posts on Reddit talking about exactly this myth from managers and bookkeepers. The super thin margins are because of the money owners are taking out of the business. You are naive!

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Thanks all for the reality check, and for the genuine advice. It helped.

You don’t.