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No, 10% is not acceptable based on age. The server is doing the same amount of work as they would for anybody else.

If you can’t afford to tip 20% then go someplace less expensive or eat at home.

People getting really hung on tipping and not the relationship issue

To some extent, you and your boyfriend are young and are still learning how the world works. He isn't the first 19 year old to stiff someone on a tip and he probably won't be the last.

But at the same time, you expressed how you felt and instead of being receptive of what you're saying, he's getting defensive. Open and honest communication is needed in a relationship, and finance issues especially. A lot of relationships sink because a couple isn't aligned financially.

I'd also ask to reflect on how his behavior is to others that serve him in public customer service positions. Coffee shop workers, attendents at tourist attractions, rideshare/taxi/bus drivers. Or if in school, how does he treat his classmates, teachers, and other faculty/staff? Does he treat them with respect and kindness or is he brisk and rude?

Did you pull yourself up by your bootstraps too? People have every right to expect to be paid fairly for their work. The nuances of this argument get lost because people don’t realize how low minimum wage is for tipped positions in some states. Unfortunately, those also tend to the be some of the states with the worst tippers. If you know your server is underpaid and you pay less on your bill because of it, then you decide to not contribute to making up that difference, you are ab AH and essentially skipping part of your bill.

My husband and I keep our accounts separate and split expenses 50-50. At the end of the month we make adjustments for overages/underages. Has worked well for 16 years!

Sort of? You see with smaller stuff I really think I should be free to be honest about things, if I can't that is a red flag. For example if I am supposed to go with them help to choose clothes I can just tell them they look good like a robot, but that is not the point. If I am actually engaged it means I will inevitably tell them they don't look good in some clothes, again if I can't do it without them having meltdown I will take as sign to run away.

As for feelings that I recognise/thoughts that are hyperbolic, inappropriate or just wrong I try to keep them to myself. If they are stupid thoughts I will get over them soon enough, if I can't do it it means I need to address them regardless of result. In your case you should have shared how you feel, but not in the way you have done it.

Now for me your complaint is just petty, she has fallen asleep even though it was appropriate to situation. It can happen to people, it has happened to me before. You should have just told her you wanted her to make you feel special on your birthday. Even better it's a conversation you should have had before this day and you could discuss your expectations then. You might find it strange, but it isn't from my standpoint. I really do not put much significance to my birthday or other such dates. Now it's fine if someone has their expectations about me, but it's really something I prefer to ask them beforehand. Including what things would they consider being good gift for them.

Communicate with her how you feel and how you would like for things to be going forward, do not get stuck on the past, it's just silly. Of course, if you have proper talk in advance and then your partner completely ignores them, then that is a red flag and you should leave.

gross, and you met them at work? only missing “I’m her boss” for the full trifecta of power imbalance.

Your girl is a grown woman and she deserves to have a good time and let loose with her friend. Don't be a buzzkill by trying to control her every move. That's just not cool, man.

She knows how to handle herself and if she gets too wasted, her friend will be there to look out for her. Plus, she's in a whole different country, she's not gonna be bumping into any creeps she knows.

Just let her live a little and have a good time. Trust that she won't do anything she'll regret. And if she does happen to run into any sleazy dudes, she's smart enough to handle herself.

But if you're really that worried, just tell her how you feel. Let her know you're concerned for her safety and that you just want her to be careful. But don't try to control her every move. That's just not cool, bro.

And for the love of God, don't be a clingy BF. Let her have her space and have fun with her friend. She'll appreciate it and you'll have a happier relationship for it.

Validate how he feels. Recognize and tell him you hear him. Also support him and encourage him at the same time.

While I can understand your anxiety about this, I gotta tell ya, it's a man's world. Women aren't really safe no matter where we go, what we do, what we wear, what we say. That's just the facts. Yes, we can attempt to mitigate possible dangers but it's a crap shoot, either way. Like, for instance, she could correctly identify her Uber driver and he could assault her, as has happened many times. Cab drivers, cops, neighbors, boyfriends, husbands, fathers, uncles. Anyone with a penis is potentially dangerous. It's cute that you think she would be safe in her hotel room. Safer? Yeah, I guess. But we aren't even safe in our own homes. There is nowhere safe for us, unfortunately.

You can tell her you're concerned about her being inebriated in a foreign country and ask if she has a plan for transportation after the nightclub or whatever but honestly? It's your anxiety to deal with because she has her own constant low-level anxiety that she deals with every single minute of every single day. If she can deal with hers, you can deal with yours.

As a former waitress the one thing I can add to this is that a tip is optional, customers do not have to leave a tip. That is their choice as well as how much they choose to tip.

Is it helpful to leave a tip , yes it is because that money is needed. And I was grateful for every dollar left as a tip. But I didn't expect it.

I sure as hell wouldn't argue with my bf about it after he spent time and money to make my day special. Things like this is what makes guys and girls stop doing nice things for you because it is not appreciated and there for stop doing it. then you wonder why they no longer put in the effort.

Did you look and see if a gratuity was already added to the bill? If so that was part of her tip, so the 10% your bf left gets added to that.

Right, but it does kinda matter. She's 20, quite young, and probably pretty immature. Plenty of 20 year olds go out and really go hard with the drinking. If that's what she wants to do, she's going to do it, and you can't really stop her.

Be careful, you're about to over analyze this relationship to death. When you expect too much of someone and they know they can't deliver their impulse is usually to just cut ties. You'd probably benefit from some talk therapy.

If anyone thinks tipping a certain amount is a must then you need to travel outside the US. If you can’t pay your workers without relying on the charity of your customers you don’t deserve to have a business period. Some restaurants don’t even pay minimum wage, it’s beyond sad.

Yeah, 10% is really low. I usually judge people based on how they treat the service industry. Tipping is no skin off my back because I can afford it, especially with my baseline of 20%. It's rare that I get treated poorly by staff. I've definitely lost my patience before, but even then 20% is 20%. They might really need it and is having a bad day. The service industry and any job having to deal with customers all day is ruthless.

We forgot the part where tipping is voluntary and somehow 10-15% is sneered at now. Depends on how expensive the meal was, 10% can be perfectly reasonable for carrying plates to a table if the meal was expensive.

didn’t read past the age gap, seek help.

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You wrote a damn novel on things to not like and less than 20 words on things to like including one with a huge caveat compared to the negative list.

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Yea i did, I worked three jobs at once. Would i get annoyed that people wouldnt tip? Sure. Thats why i had three jobs, i didnt depend on the tips, those were never certain.

American tipping culture is trash ASF. It's not the customer's job to pay employees.

Yea sorry for leaving a detail, we're talking about temporarily breaking up since it's hard for us this ldr though we always met at least once a month. Then she mentioned what if we crave some physical contact. My stupid me answered that there's a little chance that I might do something she doesn't like(it's obviously having physical contact with other women). She didn't expect to hear it from me and now she can't stop thinking about it, even though we talk about it now. I know I'm stupid that's why I'm trying to make things up

Bad things about her: 12

Good things about her: 4

I think you should move on.