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If the restaurants owners paid the staff properly, your bill would be higher. You clearly understand this, so not tipping is denying a server appropriate pay for their work. You can complain about the system all you want, but workers are the only ones that suffer. And, it likely doesn’t cost you any more than it would if the prices were as high as they probably should be.

You’re strongarming your boyfriend over this at your birthday. Whether you approve or not, he organized it, he picked it and he can pay whatever he wants. And no, you can’t just butt in to make up for the rest. If you are paying, you can pay whatever you want but if you’re going to pressure other people into what you believe is right, you will lose them.

You and this guy may just not be a great match. Your family's predicament is not his fault and if he lives in a functional nation it's not for you to try to undermine him. Let him go be happy. Find yourself a revolutionary in your own country and maybe the two of you can get something started there.

You fake woke Americans have to chill out a bit for god's sake.

You’re a confusing person. Did you work service jobs in the US? Cause you’re justification of “I’ve been there” doesn’t fit at all. Did you ever risk not eating because of your income when working the service industry? If not, maybe consider yourself lucky and realize you actually have no familiarity with the importance of tipping. Tipping can mean the difference on a single mothers ability to feed her children. But, in your opinion, it’s more important that a 19 year old can feel like a big shot even through they can’t actually afford their bill? If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford your bill. I don’t care what jobs you’ve worked. You know nothing about the service industry in the US if you don’t know that’s true.

And BTW, I worked BOH most of my time in restaurants so I generally watched servers make more than me in less hours. I STILL understand the importance of tipping.

Wow. I’m floored at how incredibly stupid and selfish her reasoning is for trying to control your behavior.

She has problems you can’t fix.

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Assuming what she said is true about why she did it and the apologies that followed why is she still playing me? Am I just too blind to see it? She could be genuine and this is just a mistake from her. I know I’m sounding like I’m grasping for straws but the truth is I’m lost here.

The family you affirmatively created is a little more than just a "problem". It's a responsibility that you took on and can't just abandon because a shiny object has captured your attention. This woman at work has no interest in you and it's not her fault you and your wife decided to get serious as teenagers. When you decide to marry someone you've dated since high school you tacitly agree to forfeit your free and single young adult years. That ship has sailed. Besides, this coworker is off the market and if you can't stop creeping on her you're likely to destroy your career.

bro, chill. You got some serious trust issues goin' on there. It's not like your girl went out and cheated on you or anything. Shes just havin' a good time with her friends, no harm no foul.

But I feel you, if she's lyin' to you about who she's hangin' out with, that's not cool. You got a right to be uneasy about that. But you also got to remember, she's just tryna have a good time with her friends. She's not tryna hurt you or anything like that.

So what you gotta do is sit down and have a real talk with her. Ask her why she's lyin' to you and why she's being so defensive. Listen to what she has to say, and then you tell her how you feel about it.

But you can't just go checkin' her phone bro, that's not cool either. You gotta trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt. If she's lyin' to you, she's lyin' to you, and that's on her. But don't go lookin' through her phone, that's just whack.

In the end, you gotta remember why y'all got together in the first place. You got a daughter and 4 years together, that's not somethin' to just throw away. You gotta work this out, together. And if she's not down to work it out, then maybe y'all just ain't meant to be. But don't give up on her just yet, give her a chance to explain herself.

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Say it with me guys! “The customer isn’t responsible for paying a companies employees!” The faster EVERYONE stops tipping, the faster service workers will be paid an ACTUAL wage and not rely on the customer. Oh yeah and you’re being dramatic

Also tips are meant to be based on quality of service (you give a good server extra because they were nice and made your time better) the whole percentage thing is BS because why should the customer pay you extra if you’re an asshole and don’t do a good job

But you're not "not alone" if you don't communicate. And in a healthy relationship, you don't have to count the good days.

I left my emotionally abusive partner after what was wayyy to long, and am now in a very happy marriage. One thing I learned: You can't be open for a great relationship when you're hopelessly trying to fix a bad one.

First things first, if you wanna help your GF feel more comfy staying over, you gotta let go of that impromptu sh*t. Like seriously, she's an introvert and needs structure, plans, and routines. If you wanna keep her coming over, you gotta play by her rules and clean up your act.

As for the drawer, good on you for thinking ahead. That's a solid move to show her you're making an effort to make her feel more at home. Here's what I'd suggest:

• A toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash
• A pair of slippers or cozy socks
• A phone charger (get her a cute one, not just any old sh*t)
• Her favorite snacks or chocolates
• A cozy blanket
• A little plant or flowers (real or fake, doesn't matter)
• Maybe some skincare or beauty products if you know what she likes

And for the note, write something sweet and heartfelt, let her know how much you appreciate her and how much you want her to feel comfortable here. Don't be afraid to get a little sappy, it's a nice touch.

Also, consider setting up a cozy reading nook or a designated spot for her to relax. Maybe put a few books or magazines that you think she'd like. Or, if she's into music, maybe set up a speaker or a record player for her to enjoy.

And finally, always make sure the place is tidy and clean. That's a no-brainer.

Hope this helps, bro! Good luck!

You do realise that as a 30 year old dating someone whose brain isn’t fully developed yet that you’re one of those men that you’re worried about right?

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Honestly, I'm not one for ultimatums, but at this point it seems like you have done everything to try and communicate but you can't go any further if he won't put in his half of the effort.

Perhaps it's time to tell him that it's time for therapy to help fix this issue or else you're done. No more of this, "I'll try and do better but I don't want to go to therapy with you" nonsense. He either goes or you go.

Especially since by the sounds of it he isn't providing much in the marriage or bringing anything positive to your life. You don't have to stay with someone and be unhappy. It doesn't have to be extremely toxic and abusive for you to leave. You're allowed to leave because your needs aren't being met and you aren't satisfied or happy anymore.

Listen, I think that this essentially boils down to if you trust your partner or not.

He is 28 - nobody gets led into bad behaviour that they morally wouldn’t engage in by a friend a 28.
At twelve? Yes. As an adult though? no.

From what you described, to me his behaviour checks out.

If I were you the one thing I would ask him to do would be not to lie, conceal or modify his behaviour to placate you.

If what he does is likely to worry you, then he can explain himself and reassure you.

You can build trust - what he did is the one thing that is sure to destroy it.

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