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Listen, sometimes we lash out at the people we love the most without even realizing it. Maybe you're feeling stressed, or there's something going on in your life that you're not even aware of that's causing you to take it out on your boy. You gotta figure out what's causing the irritability and find a way to deal with it.

Here's what you do, you sit down and have a real talk with yourself. Ask yourself what's been bothering you lately, and try to figure out what's causing you to lash out. Once you figure that out, you can start working on ways to deal with it. Maybe it's therapy, maybe it's finding a hobby, maybe it's just taking a break from each other for a little bit. Whatever it is, you gotta do something about it.

And remember, you love this guy, and he loves you. He's there for you, and he wants to help you. So, be honest with him, tell him what's going on, and see if he can help you figure out what's going on. He's your man, and he's got your back.

And don't forget to say sorry to the guy. You owe him that much. He deserves an apology for the way you've been treating him. He loves you, and he's sticking with you through all this sh*t, so the least you can do is say sorry and start being a better person for him.

TLDR: Chill out, figure out what's causing the irritability, have a real talk with yourself, be honest with your man, apologize to him, and start being a better person for him.

This sounds like a no go to me, absent any admission or ownership on her part. She has to own up, take responsibility for her decisions issues, get into therapy and also couples therapy with you. But honestly, my guess is it would not lead anywhere. Even her pluses are lame. Basically, she cooks and she’s pretty. If you marry someone for their looks and how that translates to your own self esteem you’re in for a world of hurt in the future. Good on you for putting off the wedding and good god do NOT merge finances.

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Thank you for the only realistic take on this

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And they’re oh so shocked at America’s tipping culture. It is what it is, get with the program or don’t go out to eat.

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You were ripping people off when you were 19 then. Servers hate teenagers for this reason. Their mommy and daddy’s give them money to go out and then they pocket every cent they can to go party. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford the bill.

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The standard answers. I love him. Our good days make me happy. It's nice to not be alone...

Come on most of us knew that if we were going out to eat then we needed to factor in 20% tip at 19. Age, or financial situation, is not an excuse to be a shit tipper. My mom taught me that and any parent who doesn’t teach their kids that is doing a pretty bad job.

You are being played here. Yes it does sound like you may have handled it a bit immaturely but it doesn't change that she's playing you.

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She is lying and hiding things. You need a serious discussion where she needs to come forward with the full, verifiable truth, and she needs to explain why she felt the need to lie

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Can someone explain to me why it has to be percentage in the first place? Why is ordering a more expensive menu item mean higher tip even though the same service was put in by the waiter? That’s one. Number 2, tipping 15% used to be generous, now it’s suddenly not. “BuT inFLatIoN” - inflation means prices on the menu went up too, so 15% is still more than it used to be. I honestly think society itself and especially people like OP are causing this nonsense. 20% of your food price to someone who doesn’t even cook or prepare it but simply caries it over to your table is fucking bonkers, stop pushing for this bullshit. “Don’t eat out unless you can afford to tip” is also nonsense - if we all did that those same waiters would be laid off and with them the kitchen staff. And before you come at me with “but they make 2$” - no, a lot of them don’t. Many, many states have implemented minimum wage for waitstaff now, please people update your outdated talking points. edit: not you OP, I was trying to make a general point.

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Ok, why is he so passive aggressive that he's swearing to himself?

I totally get it. It's more than the tip. You told him your preference for your birthday and not only did he ignore it, he refused to let you make it right.

Honestly your bf does not sound compatible with me and I'd have left him. He obviously cares more about his self serving image of your birthday than listen to what you actually want.

He also made it pretty clear that he probably never intends to tip well at all. This is who he is. If you think you can make it work then try it from that angle, accepting him being cheap and suggesting to him that he let you pick up his slack...or is he just determined to short servers?

I suppose why I find it such a non-issue to me is because I can't relate to American tipping culture. He did his best and he wanted to do something special for your birthday, you might not have wanted anything expensive but he thought you deserved it. I don't know I suppose I would also feel some type of way if the focus was on something negative instead of the nice evening you spent. Also I don't think stopping an argument midway is really something that's healthy, you're just gonna bold up the emotions and that might turn to some form of resentment. As far as tipping I tip based on the service( you only tip at a few restaurants where I live) if the service is lacklustre I wouldn't tip 20% either

Notice how I put man in “” lol it’s not a real thing

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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I completely understand. My view point is also from someone who waited tables in college. I was poor as hell but on special occasions I tried to do the best I could for the people I cared about. He likely was thinking the same.

Really have to know what was said to have any idea of what’s going on.