It is the way that server pay is structured here. There are some sad historic roots for the practice but the simple fact is that servers do not want to transition away from tipping. They are better off with the current system.

For diners, it is very very simple. When you are served, you tip. The going rate is 20% for acceptable service. It is very simple to calculate and you know before you even choose a restaurant that you will be tipping. It's just not hard.

And of course people who fail to tip properly are scrutinized. That is tantamount to running out on the check. If you don't tip well, you should be criticized.

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By the way you're telling the story, it sounds like your fiance is in the wrong.

It sounds like he feels attacked, and rather than understand your request for help, he feels pressured to do the things he doesn't want to do, such as take a higher position in his company.

You said this was just last night. So, maybe he will come around? If not, he needs to learn to take your requests for help more seriously. Sometimes there's more than one solution to a problem, so you two need to talk it out and compromise and go from there.

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It's understandable that you want to help her but tryna set her up w/o her knowing might not be the way to go. That could backfire and make her feel even more betrayed. It's all about trust, bro.

She's probs still hurt from what happened w/ your dad and that's why she's not interested in dating. 20 yrs is a long time to be alone but it's also a long time to get over a traumatic experience.

Maybe try talking to her about it, see if she's open to the idea of getting back out there. If she's still not interested, then it's probs best to respect her wishes and not push it.

But if she does open up to the idea, maybe consider getting a professional involved like a therapist to help her work through the trauma and help her get back in the dating game.

Just remember, be there for her and support her no matter what. Hope this helps, bro.

I think if he is cheap with servers he will eventually be cheap with you. Be cautious!

I know you are and that’s so loving and thoughtful. I hope she agrees to therapy because she’s got so many years ahead of her and I want her to be happy too.

Break up with them.

Thank you, this is really invaluable advice and I really appreciate it. All I want is to do the right thing but in this instance I was having a difficult time knowing what that looked like. Thanks again for taking the time

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Honestly OP, I think as long as you are financially able it is a good idea to do this sooner rather than later. If you spend a year putting down roots it can get way more complicated and difficult to suddenly uproot and travel for a year.

This is just personal opinion though, there's nothing wrong with doing what you want with your life!

scorn for lost loves soul.

vengeance hurts only yourself.

seek within for true peace.

(I'm playing a lot of ghost of tsushima, haikus are dope af)

but seriously, you are almost 30. revenge is childish, and is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

it never ends well, life isn't like the movies or the internet, and you will find your voice hoarse from screaming at an uncaring empty person, energy spent as well as watering the ocean.

And the fact she even offered to cover the tip herself and told him the day before they didn't need to go to an expensive place! But his fragile masculinity was more important to him that he didn't tell her he tipped so low until after she couldn't even do anything about it. I don't even order food if I can't tip the driver. Is tipping culture stupid as hell in the US? Yeah, it is. But it is what it is and I'm not gonna short change someone working hard like that.

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It’s not entertaining, it’s actually quite sad. Not a dig at you in any way, just the fact that servers in the US are paid so little that the responsibility to pay them is on the customers, basically, and if they don’t, or it’s not enough, they get scrutinized. That’s quite a pity.

i definitely agree with you. it sucks cause once i realized it would turn into an argument it was too late. i tried to pin it to a different day but he wouldn’t

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Yes, you're being fair.

Having said that, remember that there will literally *never* be a good time to do something like this if you put your career first. However, let me make myself clear with this: I'm not saying you should do it sooner; I'm just saying that as someone who values their career and work life, I literally never think it's a *good* time to do these things, so I've missed out a lot.

Remember to keep a good balance in the long run.