I see someone in their early 20s and think, “(S)he’s so young! Was I ever that young? What are they talking about?” That even goes for people with whom I share hobbies/interests.

> I asked off-handedly if her parents were proud of her as I scooped up scrambled eggs at the conference center walk-in breakfast and she seemed surprised as if she'd never been asked that particular question

Wtf? You asking for advice or practicing creative writing? There is just so much unneeded detail here (scooping eggs?!?), not going to waste anymore time reading past that. Stop obsessing over the new girl, most likely you have a crush on her because she has what you want in your life, so go back and work to develop that in your relationship with your wife, in yourself or with platonic friends. If you’ve done more than talk to this new girl (affection or emotional investment) you’re cheating or getting dangerously close so knock that shit off.

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I’m not trying to change his opinion, I just wish my literal existential fears weren’t talked away with “just vote better next time”

Has his group ever done anything racist to her or other black people to make her think this way?

If she's really that scared to be around a bunch if white people so much so that she thinks you shouldn't go then she's nuts and I'd reevaluate my commitment

Hopefully she gets the help she needs to get over herself

You should reach out and apologize, but don't expect her to accept it. She doesn't owe you forgiveness, but at least you can try.

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I hope things get better.

Reddit overwhelmingly says no, but there are couples that come back from this. Don’t just outright forgive and pretend it didn’t happen though. If nothing changes then yes, it’s very likely to happen again and easier this time. You need to have a long or series of talks. She needs to find out why she would do this. Then is this something that can be fixed? She will need to understand that she needs to regain your trust. That may take a long time, it might never happen. You need to put things in place to be able to trust again. Open phone policy? No partying if you or someone you 100% trust are not with her? Whatever it takes to make you feel safe in the relationship. You take the opportunity to better yourself as well. This isn’t your fault but a wake up not to get too comfortable in the relationship until she can make you feel confident. Work on you, and the relationship will improve for it, and if not you will be better for it. She has to know these are take it or leave it options. If she’s not willing to accept she needs to change a lot, then it’s time to walk away. Your relationship ended when she cheated. Look at this as trying to build a new one or walking. Don’t try to just carry on where you left off. It’s ok to forgive and try again. It’s ok to walk away.

I will try, but we are in a one bedroom apartment, and there's really not much space. Thank you for the advice.

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You definitely don't tell her. You cut all contact with her and don't look back. This isnt worth risking your family over. You technically haven't done anything wrong so far so just leave it before it gets past that point.

Why are you posting here? You don’t need a boyfriend.

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Thank you for sharing the advice.

And I have no idea. I agree it's annoying.

Ugh. In that case, maybe figure out an informal break. Clean your own space, fix your own food, do your own thing. And leave him to do the same. I'm not saying don't even talk, but try to step back. Let him know what you're doing though.

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I’m a mom and close to her age. There’s nothing you can do. She would be helped immensely by therapy but only if she really wants to change her life and find happiness. This is heartbreaking because she’s too young to give up but it has to come from her. I’m so sorry.

To email or facebook it to him, too, so he can’t claim later that he didn’t hear you.

(Also: why does everyone fucking delete everything all the time?? It’s really fucking annoying.)

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What was the good point? It was deleted before I could see it.

The reason I've been reluctant to take that jump is it's really not feasible. He makes about half what I do, and can't afford the rent on the apartment without me. And I really can't split my pay between a hotel and the apartment. Neither of us have family in the area, so that's not really an option, either.

So for one ditch him, he was a 21 year old dating a 17 year old. For two if politics are that important to you, it's important to be with a partner that syncs up with you politically because ultimately very few people will change their tune on their general political views especially if they have a few that are very important to them. For three, organize there's really nothing else that quiets that dread than being on the front line of the solution to said problem.