[removed]

The fantasy you have does not mean you’re crazy or that you’re bi. Honestly, it’s probably more common than you think. However, you need to get therapy and medicine and do it soon, otherwise, you’re going to ruin your relationship. I know that when I was 19, I wouldn’t have been able to deal with something like this for very long. Your college may be able to provide you with help (mine had a psychiatrist and therapists) at a reduced price. I’d check that out today because you sound like you’re about to spiral.

It’s not wrong to “wingman” if he makes it clear he’s taken, and he’s honest about doing it. Hard to trust him now since he lied. And his excuse doesn’t even make sense, he lied to you so you wouldn’t worry? Lying just increases worry and distrust, it doesn’t solve anything. If he really wasn’t doing anything wrong there shouldn’t be a need to lie about it.

Sounds dodgy to me .. why did your bf have to go back to the girls place? If his mate is 30odd .. surely he can chat up a women by himself

[removed]

All of these things are necessary if you’re going to be successful in life, OP. You clearly need some professional help to get you through this difficult time in your life. YOu need a job that will put food on the table and give you somewhere to live. And you need to pursue things that you’re passionate about in order to stay sane and engaged in life.

Also, you are too young to get married, and until you’ve dealt with your depression in a meaningful, lasting way, you’re not in any condition to get married either. Get therapy, and please don’t get married until you’re both at least 25.

Thanks for your response. There's no pressure from me, even though I would love her to come and would love for us to just be able to enjoy it. She hasn't outright asked me not to go, but she has and will give me a hard time if I do. She saw a photo of the bride from ages ago wearing a Native American headdress which also put her off and for her is another reason why I shouldn't go, owing to the cultural appropriation. I agree with the cultural appropriation bit, but I don't think a picture from a festival 10+ years ago is reason enough to not go. I am going to support my best friend, nothing more. She's become pretty hard line on a lot of different things and has cut off a number of her own friends as well. Thanks for your advice, it's much appreciated. I thought I was going mad.

[removed]

Dude just pick another day to celebrate or whatever. Be supportive and understanding of her situation, it's never easy to lose someone that you love and especially her story. Plus what's valentine's day about anyway? You can do it any other day.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Tell him no. If he is able to threaten to end the relationship if you don't do what he wants and it works. It is likely he will use this tactic again. If he ends the relationship over this then I don't believe he loves you.

You moving in with him is in his best interest, not yours. He is being very self-centered. Everything is about him and what he needs.

His plan to spit the bills is also not fair. It sure does benefit him though. Here is a fairer way to split the bills. https://adamhagerman.com/share-expenses-living-together/

Call his bluff on moving out, if he breaks up with you over this then he doesn't love you. Don't let him put you in a position where he calls the shots because you are desperate to keep the relationship at all costs, and he can throw it away whenever he feels like it.

[removed]

So 1 year in to this relationship you have both shown interest in other people and done some emotional cheating, have gone through phases of losing feelings for each other, and he didn't support you emotionally after your abortion? The question is not if you can make this work. The question is what the heck are you two still doing together? Do you just both like drama?

The things you listed should not be happening in a healthy and strong new relationship. Just over a year is not a lot of time for this to be going on. You're in your 20s and have an average of 60 more years to go. Do you honestly believe your relationship is going to hold up that long after experiencing the first year like this? The first year should still be honeymoon phase. Cut your losses and hard break it off.

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]

She just feels uncomfortable surrounded by loads of white people she doesn't know, as she's faced some pretty hideous racism in similar situations in the past, before we were together. Also one of the pictures of the bride to be on the wedding website is the first picture of her and my friend together at a festival where they met. In the photo she is wearing a Native American headdress. She sees this as cultural appropriation which has also put her off and made her mad that I still want to go. I agree with the cultural appropriation bit, but the picture is from 10+ years ago and I highly doubt it's something the bride to to be would do now, however I've made it clear I want to go to support my friend, nothing else.

She doesn't really enjoy socialising tbh, she's become a bit of a recluse. She's an incredible human, really kind, funny and warm, but there's definitely some issues that I'm struggling with. Most of the time she's happy for me to go to any other kind of event, but she definitely likes doing everything together, I think it makes her feel safe. She has had therapy in the past but not for very long. Honestly it sometimes feels like we're going down different paths but I love her deeply so it's really hard.

[removed]

came here to say this. valentine’s day is just a set day for all the shops to sell their shit by basically, when you’re in love as an adult valentine’s day is just like another day because it’s supposed to feel that way everyday (for the most part) OP don’t make this about anything other than supporting your gf on that day and she will appreciate it way more than you trying to make a day of it, or making her feel guilty about it. bring it up to her that you want to make your own special valentine’s day that’s way further away from that date, it seems super romantic and thoughtful since you know her troubles with that date.

Just to be clear, you resent her for leaving her job and city to be with you ? Yea stop wasting this woman’s life

[removed]

Bro I get you're upset but you sound super selfish rn. Celebrate some other time! Valentine's days is just a random ass date, your gf needs your support during this time and you are upset that you can't do what YOU want? Sorry but it feels like you are more interested in yourself rather than actually being there for your gf and love her the way she needs you to.

If you want a day to show off your love cool, I think that can be sweet, just sit with her and pick a date.

Oh and your mom and sister are very rude but they have a point, this memory won't disappear, it's quite traumatic and it doesn't seem like you can handle it. Doesn't mean you can't improve tho, maybe you should ask yourself why it's so important to you?

There’s no dilemma here. You should go to the wedding. She certainly doesn’t have to accompany you if she doesn’t want to, and nor should you attempt to convince her (and it sounds like you’re not pressuring her, which is good), but it’s childish and controlling of her to try to stop you from going to a friend’s wedding—especially a GOOD friend’s wedding—simply because she doesn’t want to go. You don’t list ANY reason here why she thinks it’s ok to ask YOU not to go on your own.

Your wife is your priority and she should be your priority overall, but this is not a reasonable request from her. You are not obligated to change your behavior every time your wife isn’t comfortable with something. This is a HER problem not a YOU problem. The compromise here is for you to go and she stays home, NOT to prevent you from going at all.

“Honey, I’d love you to be there too, but I totally understand that you’re not comfortable accompanying me to this wedding, and I’m fine with you not going. But this is the wedding of one of my best friends, someone who is really important to me, he was a lifeline for me while I was growing up, and I’m honored that he invited me to this important day in his life. So I’m going to accept the invitation on my own and attend it. Can you tell me how you’re feeling about this?”

[removed]

She is young and so are you. Cut the turd loose and move on. Or stay and get cheated on again and again. Cheating is a character flaw, something has to be broken inside a person to cheat