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This sounds like a love scam. Please don't send "him" anymore money.

Get ready to waste a shit ton of years on someone who'll never actually love you and never make you a priority. Putting your entire life on hold after a clear "No" a million times is plain foolish.

You'll regret wasting all this time on someone who never really wanted you to begin with and who literally told you this. I've made that mistake. Don't do it. Distance yourself from this friend a bit and find a woman who actually wants you.

Honestly, it just seems like OP doesn't even have genuine feelings for him. Nowhere does she mention it. Only that he treats her well and he's a nice guy and just gave him a chance. Maybe that's the issue.

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Haha I hear you but also I didn't have much physical attraction to my partner before so it kind of just feels like a nice novelty. I respect what you're saying but If I don't want a relationship I'm not scared of being hurt I'm happy just having fun. Everyone thinks being emotionally unavailable is a bad thing based on trauma but I just don't want a boyfriend it's that simple. Yes casual allows me to be close to someone without getting emotionally invested in a relationship but I'm good with that. I had a very secure relationship before this in terms of the guy so I wouldn't settle for less. I know that because it's casual physical is more important to me right nowww because I don't really have to worry much about if their personality fits mine as I don't want a bf! So it feels important to be physically attracted to the person I'm sleeping with for sure. I'm quite reflective on how I feel and I'm very happy being an avoidant while I focus on me and do my thing! I respect everything you've said though , makes sense but yeah I wonder if there are any other perspectives to look at

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See my other comment, what you say here proves that point even more.

> I'm half fearful half dismissive

That’s why, right there, that’s called disorganized attachment. People like that are even more likely to focus on the physical as it’s a way to feel close with out risking the messiness of being close emotionally. If your relationship break up triggered your attachment issues, it could be that you’re becoming even more focused on the physical as a self protection mechanism to avoid hurt but still have some level of closeness, thus the reason for the physical infatuation, even though you’ve not been like that before.

I'm avoidant by choice. I was in a veryyyy intense relationship which really took it out of me. I want to just enjoy the next year focusing on me, having fun with friends, studying etc. I really dontvwant a boyfriend and when I do, I'll work on being more secure and look for someone emotionally available! But for now, this works! I just have never been so infatuated I wondered what else it could be than just it's taboo?

I don't know if I would want to date him because the idea of dating anyone overwhelms me I'm just not in that headspace! All I know is I fancy him a lotttt and I think he's super good looking and it makes me die 😄. I know all about attachment style I'm half fearful half dismissive.. so yeah

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Just because you don’t want it right now as it is, doesn’t mean it isn’t tempting all the same. If he were emotionally more mature and you weren’t just out of a relationship and were looking for one, wouldn’t you date him? Chocolate cake analogy again, you may not want it due to the calories, but that taboo factor often makes it even more tempting.

Also maybe google attachment style, as claiming to be good at detaching and getting wrap up in the physical and avoiding or downplaying the emotional is a common avoidant attachment tactic.

It's fine if she doesn't want to go, but not wanting you to go is controlling and a red flag. Go enjoy the wedding.

Thank you but it's very hard did I mention she has a tendency to flip shit on me and get upset when I bring insecurities like this up

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My friend, you have a right to he weary. That's a lot of red flags. I personally wouldn't be there. You need to have a sit down with her and talk to her about the issues.

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Ah sorry. I do get what you're saying but I do feel like I can have him as I don't want a relationship at all. I've come out of a 5 year one, I'm super busy so casual is exactly what I'm looking for and the fact I get to do it with him makes me super happy. I dont want a boyfriend I just want good sex and a bit of fun flirting so I'm excited that it's him and not someone else. I'm definitely infatuated for sure but now I've explained that... what do you think?