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He is being catfished. Unless he has FaceTimed her, it could be a guy from Nigeria. A picture isn’t enough because pictures are stolen all the time to catfish somebody. Why does she need his money if she has a boyfriend? He must be extremely naive to send money to anyone online, even you before you met in person. Online scammers are very good at finding a victim’s weak spot then bleeding them dry. And she (or he because it could be a guy pretending to be a damsel in distress) will keep asking for money until he has nothing left. Then they dump them and move on to the next person. Try to talk some sense into him. He is headed for a big, expensive fall.

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I don’t care if everyone in that damn town calls you every name under the sun - nothing is more valuable than you and your childs safety. You don’t feel safe, I can hear it in this post. This is not godly behaviour from this man.

If I knew they had a good work ethic and knowledge and would be a good fit, I wouldn’t hesitate to give a friend a reference or other help finding a job. Your reasoning makes no sense. I’m in my current position because a colleague who knew one of my friends but didn’t really know me personally gave me a referral and it’s changed my life.

You have an interesting idea of what friendship is.

You have the answer right here. Her parents did everything for her. Went to teachers and coaches and fixed all her problems for her. And she absolutely cried to them first because she couldn’t understand the teacher’s assignment or the coach was mean to her. Parents got involved and viola, problem solved. And now she is doing the same thing to you. She cries and you solve her problem. She’s too old to be behaving like a 10 year old. She absolutely needs therapy and may have a hormone imbalance, but it is just a habit at this point. Talk to her and point this out to her. But first tell her you are going to have a serious discussion and she can’t cry. Tell her she has to see a doctor and she has to stop crying over everything. Tell her she can learn to control it because you can’t handle it anymore. It is not adult and it is not attractive. Let her know you can help her with any problem she has but not if she cries first. She has to realize what is wrong, know her limits and ask for help - without crying. It won’t change overnight, but it will change if she wants to. Make sure she knows you will not listen to her cry and won’t fix her problem if she does. She can cry in her pillow or cry to mommy and daddy, but not to you. And if she doesn’t stop, it has to be a dealbreaker. You need an adult relationship.

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Text or phone call. I vote for phone call for something as sensitive as this and especially bc you haven’t seen her in a while so it would be better to get your tone across and less chance of miscommunication.

Tell her that this is a sensitive topic for you (maybe to help her gauge how to approach the convo), you’re really sorry but you can only afford one or none of the trips. Explain to her you wish you could go but truthfully you just aren’t in the best financial situation to spend that much money. And that you hope she understands. You wish she has a great trip and if you feel like, again apologize.

All of my best friends make a lot of money and I’m not financially in the best spot. We’re planning a friend reunion trip, we haven’t seen each other in 5 years. Like you, I can afford a flight but I have to account for food, drinks and possible Ubers. My friend is housing us so that’s a big chunk of money saved. But she suggested in the chat it would be fun to get a lake house on Airbnb. I know my people, so without hesitation I said “I can’t afford that” and she was fine with it. No pushback like “I can find a cheap one, it won’t be that expensive, etc”.

What I’m trying to say is, if someone is a friend, they’d understand. I totally understand the anxiety behind telling her bc money isn’t a fun topic at all and because of her background that she might be blinded about your financial situation. Overall, if she doesn’t take the information well, tbh it’s best to not have someone like that in your life. No one should ever judge or belittle someone’s financial situation, especially if it’s someone who isn’t doing well.

And I’m afraid you might be underestimating how much you’d be spending bc if they’re all wealthy, they might want to go to the most expensive places or spend without any care. Plus it might be hard to handle your finances if the bill is for a bunch of people, they might be people who split the whole bill between everyone.

Either way, best of luck! Just be honest and hope she understands. If she really is your best friend, no matter how many years apart, she will understand. If she doesn’t, sorry to say, she isn’t a good friend. In the end, never sacrifice your finances for a situation like this. It’s not worth you spending your money to prevent the awkwardness of not being able to show up, NOT worth it.

Also idk about your best friend but my best friends would be mortified if they knew I decided to put myself in a worse financial situation because I didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward if I said I can’t come. Hope this gives you better perspective if she were to react negatively. Def hoping for the best bc you deserve it!

Also thank you, it’s really hard and I miss him and I’m scared he’s mad at me and will never want to get back together… I can’t blame him though

Bipolar or borderline? My psychiatrist said she didn’t think I have borderline

I’m surprised he still wants to be friends with you. Because you’re not acting like his friend at all.

I thought you were going to say you would t refer him because he would be shit at the job which would be understandable.

But to refuse even though it would benefit him and your company is just you being a shit friend.

Hopefully he will get a good job on his own and ditch you as a crap friend.

No, You’re right. I might as well just block him and lose that money. Who cares, I make good money anyway. I can always remake that. He’s a pig tbh. I don’t even know why I’m with him.

I think if you haven’t already been screened for BPD, do so as soon as you’re able. You were right to distance yourself while you get sorted.

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This literally makes no sense. You call him your best friend but you doubt his motives. Just give him the referral. Sounds like you’re losing him anyway because you’re not being HIS friend. You’re being super selfish and not a true friend

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You can't make a liar tell the truth. If you need confession to break things off then let me tell you, you will never get one. Just break up with her. You don't need to explain yourself to her, she doesn't deserve it.

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Bahahahahh what trash. They just néed to end it now

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None of those things are remotely equivalent to watching porn. A better analogy would be him accusing him of emotionally cheating on him by watching a rom-com. It’s kind of a silly thing to be hurt by. It’s not related to you in any meaningful way.

Yes, dudes watch porn. No, it has no connection to their significant others. It’s purely a response to a visual stimulus. Women who genuinely have a serious issue with it are better off dealing with their own issues in therapy. Whether they admit it or not, guys are going to rub a few out now and then, and probably use porn to lubricants the process.

ooooohhhh I didn't even know about that!

> he deleted the post lol

Oh it was already deleted when I found it. I used the camas unddit tool.