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I’m thinking that you stated your thoughts very clearly.

You’ve sacrificed (we’ll say chosen to change, to give you back some semblance of “choice”) many life paths.

Now you want to make sure that your husband doesn’t expect you to always be that way…am I right?

You don’t want to be trapped in the housework/outwork/childbearing/diaper-changing maze alone.

Sounds reasonable to not make a fuss just yet but quietly notice what his family does and expects.

Then…how does that stack up against your life hopes and dreams?

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>I confronted her about it and she told me she tried it on.

I think she was telling the truth when she said she didn't have them on for very long...

It sounds like THIS relationship isn't for you.

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I am a super blunt person, so my loud ass would've probably told him to chill the first time lol. It all just depends on how much jokey sarcasm your partner can handle lol! If he flips out though, then that is def a red flag, bc what does he think, you're just cheating on him 24/7 if he doesn't have you hostage on the phone?! You'd look like a jerk if you phone's going off every 5 seconds in a restaurant, esp with friends. And who wants to stop reps every 5 secs at the gym do their bf doesn't start calling them constantly? Mute the phone sometimes babe, you'll not regret it lol.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

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• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

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Good luck to you! Always enjoy your life the way you want.

Ugh thanks that’s what I needed but didn’t want to hear

It sounds like you did try, and it hasn't really worked. I vote you tell him that it is time to move on.

Better yet, demand she hands over her phone, unlocked, and scroll through her messages. 🤷 Idk. If she has nothing to hide she won't balk at it.

I always thought so too. I recently moved away from all my friends and family and I think Everyone was worried I’d be so alone. I thought it was a good idea at the time now I’m thinking not so much. I really love living my own life and seeing family and friends when I want to.

I work am office job and most I have to do is be in the field for an hour or so. He is high up in the military so most of his day isn’t doing much but telling other people to do stuff. There’s days where I just want to throw my phone away and tell him it broke. I agree the behavior is out there it just sucks it came out of no where. In the beginning I told him this was the first relationship I’d had in awhile and I was going try really hard to make it work but sometimes I just don’t want it to work

Updateme!

You quoted up pretty much what you should do: talk to him about it and say why you are feeling hurt. Make sure he understands that you aren’t hurt by the diagnosis but more so by the secrecy around it.

And from now on, if you choose to stay with him (and while this is a great ordeal, in due time you could forgive him if you don’t test positive, from what I read in between the lines), I believe that you could be there for him, and your relationship could grow. I honestly think he was too scared to tell you, that you might runaway from him.

People do that here all the time and no one says a word. I think you’re just offended here because you disagree with their take.

It’s completely normal and healthy to not want a full time, committed relationship. Culture has told you it’s not OK, especially if you’re a woman. But it is, really.

All i see here is you don't like this relationship. How do either of you work or go to school while communicating like this? There isn't time for anything else.

Also, his behavior is way out there. And it is not appropriate for a fairly new relationship.

If you don't 100% want to move to where he is, DON'T!

I was afraid of that. I’m way to independent for that to happen but it does feel like he’s trying to be controlling at times. He doesn’t want me to hangout with a couple guy friends I have. Parts of me does understand this bc I have hooked up with some and have remained friends but I’m not willing to give up great friends in my life because he isn’t comfy with the idea of it

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Ok, keep it cool until you have the funds then do it to ease your mind

You can’t be this clueless, grow a backbone already. Of course she is cheating. There is no other explanation. Now find your spine and kick that garbage to the curb.

I’m sorry, but he is a classic controlling type and nothing will ever satisfy him. You’ve spent one month (in person) with this guy, and he’s already got you questioning your own self worth. He’s insecure and afraid of rejection, so he spends his time trying to erase your autonomy to prevent you from ever leaving him.

The wonderful guy you first met is real, but he’s real like the first paragraph of a book is real. It can go in many different directions from there. Now you’ve read a couple more chapters. You can remember the first paragraph fondly but with the benefit of more information, decide that the book is not for you.