This is very simple, op.

No meeting. I want a DNA test before I even speak with you. Hit me up for child support? I can and will demand that test, and the court will make you comply so you might as well do it willingly and get it out of the way. No more back and forth unless it's yes, I'm making an appointment and the location for me to go.

Frankly I don’t think you both are compatible for one another. Especially if she doesn’t take anything you say into consideration

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It's fair that family is prioritized for important things. But, if it's trivial and he's missing your birthday for that trivial thing then that's not ok. Ask him why he chose that trivial action over being with you.

She doesn’t want to do it. Full stop. You have 3 choices here, that I’m going to list shittiest first.

1. Berate, harass, guilt, or otherwise abuse her into sucking your dick.

2. Leave her for someone who’ll suck your dick all day long.

3. Accept it and let it go. Is dick sucking worth that much to you in the long run?

Can you plan one day each month for him? I doubt that you will work all the time. Plan to prepare a good meal, initiate sex, and spend a good time together. It's much easier to "survive" a 1-month break 8 times than 8 months break. For both of you.

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> Its almost like i never happened and wasted two years of my life.

Yeah that's how it goes when you date married people.

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You want words of wisdom, I will abide. The issue is not your partner. The issue is you. I want you to screen shot this response, along with your original post, and show it to your Mother and Father. Seriously. I'm dead serious. If you can share this horrific shit with stranger on Reddit asking for life altering advice about this absolute POS, then ask the two people in your life that actually give a shit.

You're not foolish, you're just in shock. Pack, call Mom and Dad, or sister, or brother, or best friend, get in your car and get the hell out of there. You're worried about being too controlling. Absolutely ridiculous. Go. Today. Now.

Anything less makes you complicit.

It’s interesting that you seem more worried about your sister than your gf who is also LGBT. This is her family and she’s part of the community- let her take that lead.

Don't be forced into making such decisions about something you're not inclined to do. If you're not down with a theeesome then don't give him to his fantasies just because he's your husband. He wants something but what about you? Don't he know such things can have extreme consequences and regrets later don't in life even if he may think its fine now but your thought process may not agree with it. If your NO is NO then stick with it and don't feel regret.

You are angry that he notices and praises your extra efforts. Suffering from success.

From my own experience with getting anxious during conversations of expressing my own needs… I wasn’t taught to self-regulate properly. My parents were pretty shit at that and not really there during some tough times in my life and trying to get me help when I needed it. I resent them for it, a lot. There way of expressing love is by buying things, which means nothing if I get anxious when trying to express myself.

Could this be similar to your circumstance? It could be as basic as not learning emotional regulation and dare I say it, bad parenting.

If he hadn’t paid all that extra attention to you would your post have said: I got all dressed up to go out last night, including makeup, and my BF didn’t say anything about how nice I looked.

You can’t have it both ways. Maybe he just wanted to let you know he noticed your extra effort to look special for him.

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This doesn't need to be a negative imo.
I think I look better with makeup on and my hair done, nice outfit etc. And I feel sexier. So why shouldn't my husband? It doesn't mean he doesn't find your natural look attractive.
Unless he actually comments on you without makeup negatively then I wouldn't look too much into it.

Thankfully, (if you can even say that) my mother's abuser is not my father. She got with him when I was 11. I never had to live with them but for a short year (by my own foolish choice) when I was 16-17. And I hated every second of watching them interact. That man is the only person I've ever truly wished to die in my life. So I don't think it's necessarily JUST like that, but I will admit my actual father to whom I've bonded (while being a very good person) DOES happen to be 11 years older than her, and I'm pretty sure that's why I go for older men. Which in turn does indeed lead more often to these sorts of dynamics, even disregarding the actual physical abuse. I know I'm not to blame, though, I just wanted clear that up somehow. I'm definitely responsible and that's where I'm stuck, because I might seem mature but this is my first relationship ever, which happened to correspond with a spiritual and sexual awakening which basically took me out of a long ass depressive episode that I thought was just the way my brain was gonna be forever and in the beginning anything felt possible. Like I didn't even want to commit to the relationship at all, but I'm not exactly the most mentally stable and I got so used to the comfort his quality of life has provided that I'm utterly terrified to face the world on my own. And I think that's probably because I need to save more love for myself instead of throwing it around willy nilly, hoping for some return. I know you can't help me with everything lmao you don't have to actually dissect that but thanks for being here

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