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I have talked to her for my entire adult life, trying to make her better. I've used every argument from philosophy, popular culture, movies, the Gita. Nothing works on her. I volunteer to take her to a therapist or a doctor and she flat out refuses. Says there is nothing wrong with her. When I ask open ended questions, or try to confront her about her issues, she says that she is getting stressed out and shuts down any conversation.

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I'm of the "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" mindset. If there has been another man in the mix, it seems fair to have another woman, too. I also understand that you're not comfortable with it, and this whole thing needs a long serious conversation with your husband.

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Everyone here is trying to get you to realize the same thing. That you don’t have control here. And that’s ok. But I am glad that I was able to say it in a way to get you to understand.

As long as your gf isn’t a bigot then all is well. She might be able to get some advice from your sister regarding this situation as well. Since she is the one how is most affected here.

If it's for themselves then why does OP care about the partner's comments?

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He’s a rapist, get out

I don’t even need anything extravagant. I’d be ok with a handwritten note or a homecooked meal or even takeout. As long as it’s special. And ive told him that. He just says he doesnt know how.

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She's using the threat of suicide as emotional manipulation. Try and feel sorry for her as this is nothing more than a desperate attempt at control when she can't manage her emotions. She is unlikely to ever act on this threat but she definately needs help. This is actually your father's role but he would need to assert himself. In the US, a threat of suicide means an automatic 72 hour hold for a mental health assessment. Not sure about where you are but you might try asking her open ended questions next time she threatens. Suggest that since her threat is so alarming that you need to take her for emergency help and assessment. In other words, call her bluff but in a helpful way. Playing therapist is beyond your pay grade and you cannot help beyond support for seeking treatment for her. Continue to live your life and put strict boundaries on how much you will involve yourself.

Literally none of that is a reason to stay in this godawful relationship. What is the right thing for you?

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Trust his words and just communicate as you go- also remember to take breaks sometimes. It’s not selfish to take breaks, your an adult and just need to manage your time well which is hard. You haven’t been together that long, so this is a great test of communication and your relationship in general.

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Damn you sure are underreacting here. Time to reread your post as though another person wrote it. He’s blatantly waving the red flags in front of you.

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