I don't see the problem. My wife is gorgeous in her pajamas but also a bombshell when she's all done up, really turns heads. You're really overthrowing all of it.

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Honestly, I think you both need a reality check about expectations while raising young children.

Short of hiring a nanny, neither of you are going to get anywhere near as much as you need, of anything, for a certain number of years. The maths simply doesn’t work. You’re both going to spend those years running on empty and you’re both going to feel shortchanged, in general and in comparison to one another, and unless you’re both saints, you’re both going to express that in your own head, and possibly overtly, in unfair and ungenerous terms. Marriages IMO survive this period by simply toughing it out, recognising that a lot of thoughts and words are simply products of exhaustion, and not taking any of it too personally. They may be what people really think/feel in that overstretched moment, but they’re not necessarily what they really really think, the chosen values that really guide their life.

Reddit has a lot of young people and that’s why advice tends towards absolutes, black and white, leave in the face of unacceptable statements and behaviour. That’s quite appropriate. You shouldn’t embark on gargantuan feats like cramming intensive toddler care, relationship care, self care, house care, jobs, and sleep all into the same 24 hours with people who can’t even behave decently when it’s just the two of you. But when you do agree as a partnership to embark on such gargantuan feats, you’re kind of implicitly accepting that it is a stretch and should give each other some extra leeway and forgiveness for the relationship damage that goes with it. It’s temporary damage, if you’re both willing to view it as temporary damage, then draw a line under it and do the work to rebuild later.

I came in to say we'd all rather game than clean (more or less) but he still needs to help you.

But then I got to the point where you said he yells at his friends while gaming with them, and is that what you really want? If he'll yell at them over a game he'll likely yell at you and, if you have them, your kids for equally stupid reasons.

Edit: you said he gets pissed, not that he yells. Still applies.

Women wear makeup for themselves not for others. I don't wear makeup 80% of the time and the odd time I do it's just mascara. I'm certainly not doing it to compete for anyone and not for my husband. He doesn't even notice when I have make up on.

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Im the terrible person? The unmarried one! The one who was basically used for a good time behind his wife and kids back.

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Is he still paying you to watch his daughter?

Go to college and stop being his play toy! YOU have a right to go and do anything you want and he doesn't have the right to stop you. Wake up and leave him and go live your life, he is a grown ass man with a child and a child GF .

You're right bro, that's the vibe I get from this. It's just that it's always been pretty subtle and he regularly denies having that viewpoint of me because I'm 'so mature,' (lmao) but he is not the most introspective person and probably does have lingering complexes of which he is not aware

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OP, there is less of an age difference between your boss’s child and you than between you and him.

You may not want to hear this, you may not like that you have been victimized again.

Abusers look for people who are in abusive situations because even a step above absolute shit is still being treated like shit. It might be better than where you came from, but it is still shit.

Look at that ten year old little girl. In five years would you let her date a 30 year old man?

To be that little girl’s mom, you would have been ten when she was born. Literally the age she is now.

Do you think she is ready to be a parent?

I’m sorry that no one here can give you the answers of how to make your shit situation into the fairytale that you want to believe it is. Only you have the power to change your situation.

Everyone here knows that you are in a psychologically abusive relationship.

As long as you are young and pretty and you do EVERYTHING he tells you to, he won’t hurt you. He will never let you become independent. And once you have matured beyond his preference, or start to show a spine, he will begin tearing you down until he finds another child to abuse in your place.

If you are lucky, he will throw you away. If you aren’t lucky, he will kill you and then throw your body away.

How exactly are you "admiring" your cousins bf?

A large 36 year old man got with a small teenager to have control. Full stop. No questions.

He is participating in this bizarre "discussion" and telling you that he understands if you want to leave because he wants you to feel like you're in control. If he can make you believe that you are in control, you'll ignore people like me when we tell you that he's a grooming piece of shit.

He put his hands on you, and your body knew to fight and flee. Deep down you know what to do.

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Only entertain this if u are comfortable.... as it sounds u are not interested... he should be able to understand. Maybe hes hoping u say yes so he can use that as an excuse to eventually bring in another woman. This relationship needs defined boundries to survive... good luck

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That is always so hard and I totally get wanting a neutral opinion on it. But of all the perfectness, if you cannot trust your partner 100% there’s always going to be that seed of doubt/suspicion that is going to erode any good foundation that has been set.

Everyone is different and has different priorities, but if I were in another relationship and anything happened that questioned if I could trust my partner or not it’s game over.

Because you can find someone just as perfect that you can trust.

Ah that, my friend, is a problem.

Cut your losses and get a lawyer, you have clung on to a man who doesn't love you. He has blatantly told you he will never marry you and has shown by his actions that he doesn't even care for you.

This is normal and will pass. The more you think about it the worse it gets - focus on her for a while and not on trying to get off yourself. Before you know it you're back up and running.

And please disregard all the dumbasses on here talking about how condoms are the problem. Be safe.