The fact he doesnt want you to go to college is a massive red flag. To me it shows that he wants you to be reliant on him rather then being independent. It's easier to control people when they have no means to support themselves. Yeah he can say and do all sorts of sweet stuff but at the end of the day he only wants to control you. You can make up all the excuses in the world to stay with him and not go to college. I mean its your life your wasting not mine. Just don't be surprised when you start resenting him once your eyes open up.

And I’m gonna add that I don’t think that starting out your life and making major decisions should be anything remotely like “well all of my friends do this, so I want to,” or “this is what adults do so I need to do it to be an adult.”

That’s just…not the way life is lived well.

If your relationship is stable, dependable, and predictable, then waiting a year won’t mess it up. Living together doesn’t flip a switch into adulthood, you have to make adult decisions to do that.

What's best for you or what he decides is best for you?

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"Most mature" you feel for that?

yeah girl get out of there. and find someone your own age next time. someone who will see you as an adult and not treat you like a child

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Yikes.

I find that he does change his perspective on things based on what his mom tells him. We originally planned on saving for 6 months which I find very reasonable. I’m not an impulsive spender and primarily just pay for my car, food and gas, etc. I’m ready to fly out of the nest but for some reason he isn’t, and I think it’s because his mom gives him outrageous advice on things.

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This wreaks of trolling. If true you’re a terrible person who deserves everything that happened. You blackmailed him. You’re a criminal.

You and your husband have a serious communication problem.

As it seems from your post, you never had a real conversation about both your needs? You were "unenthusiastic" when he mentioned his fantasies years ago and now that he mentioned it again you were quiet to see how far he will take it? You never sat down and said, "that's absolutely not my thing, I don't want to do anything like it"? Your husbands fantasy isn't a bad thing. Some couples might enjoy it. Some not.

That he talked about it outside your marriage without your clear consent is not okay, but neither is you being just passive about it.

You are desperately in need of couples therapy to learn how to communicate with each other.

You need a couples counselor, because I heavily feel like both of you yell out things in the heat of an argument that neither of you mean. This calls for a mediator who can help you communicate your feelings better (and before the boiling point that sparks an argument) in the long run.

Edit: I see that you tried that already, but you need to find someone you both feel comfortable with. Someone you both feel heard by. Even if you have to go through 20 different counselors to find the one, it's gonna be worth it if you're both willing to put in the work.

Yeah, I did that for 5 years. Once I stopped putting up with it, I was immediately replaced. You're a seat filler.

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So just meet in the middle? Maybe thats the right way to frame it. Trust me I totally understand your frustration. You could also just get roommate’s that are friends. Have you had a roommate before?

Haha probably close to the truth there….

We really need to do something about the advice from these age gaps in this sub. 19 year old with a 34 year old? That's your problem, full stop. Nobody needed to read the rest of this.

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Try looking up borderline personality disorder bc you sound exactly like the ppl i know who has it.

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