Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

StatedBarely t1_j2fj8ct wrote

Reply to comment by 5wan in [22m] [22f] My bf likes me better with makeup. I feel awful by ThrowRA3567767

Uhh I don’t think make up should change the way your SO treats you. I dress like a slob all the time but will get dolled up and look super good if I need to. My husband tells me I’m pretty daily no matter what I wear. He treats me the same whether I’m slobbing it in my PJs or dressed up to the nines. Granted when I dress up and get my make up done he’ll be like “wow the effort you put in is showing results!”. But even when I’m dressed down he’ll still call me his pretty girl, compliments my hair or something. His treatment of me never changes. He doesn’t stare at me more when I dress up or less when I don’t. If he did it would give me a complex and I would feel the need to dress up and put on make up all the time because I wouldn’t feel good enough in my own skin.

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whatthepfluke t1_j2fj7sr wrote

Reply to [19F][34M] My boyfriend wants me to focus on taking care of his daughter. by throwra7272727262

Sweetheart.

You are 19 years old and have your whole life ahead of you.

I don't agree with your age difference at all, and I'm saying this as someone with a partner 15 years my senior. But I'm 40. We're both entire ass adults.

You are practically a child.

However. I will not dwell on your age difference. What I will address us that this literal man is trying to make you put your entire life on hold for him, to care for his daughter.

He's trying to control and alienate you so that you have nothing to fall back on and have to count on him.

I've been there. It wasn't pretty. I wish someone had warned me.

I won't tell you to leave him, to run, screaming, in the other direction. But I will tell you, continue your life. Go to school. Take care of YOU.

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AorticMishap t1_j2fj58r wrote

Reply to [22m] [22f] My bf likes me better with makeup. I feel awful by ThrowRA3567767

Info: who told you you look “okay” without makeup? Has your bf ever expressed any sort of feeling like this?

Based on your post as written, it sounds as if you’re taking him being enthusiastic about you in makeup as a criticism of you outside of makeup? Rather than talking to him about it

If that is actually the case, my advice is to talk to him about it

If he is blatantly trying to tell you you’re only attractive in makeup, I’d personally opt out of that relationship myself but it really depends on how you feel about it

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Mysterious_Bridge_61 t1_j2fj535 wrote

Reply to comment by KJEveryday in [35M][37F][4.5F] My wife wants to change our daughter’s middle name to her surname. I am hesitant, but want to compromise. Any advice? by KJEveryday

I’ll just add that I didn’t realize that as time went on I would be more sad about the name issue. So the fact that she agreed to give your daughter your last name but not hers, may have felt ok to her at the time, but after a few years it is getting increasingly hurtful.

You think that she should “compromise,” but really she naively gave up her “right” to fight for giving her child her own last name originally not realizing it would hurt her. So now she comes to you saying that if her daughter gets the maiden name as a middle name, this feels like the right sort of compromise she should have asked for to begin with.

If she was asking to switch our your last name for her last name entirely, then a compromise would be appropriate. But she is suggesting an actual compromise that still leans towards the patriarchy that kids get their father’s last name and she is only asking for her last name as a middle name.

I hope this helps you feel able to get over your saltiness about her not “compromising”. Sexism in our culture often has women not even realizing that something is skewed towards males to begin and just accept it as normal, and then after some time they can see that the sexism has caused some hurt and resentment and it is very difficult to deal with.

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