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Run

Sounds very much like 'rules for thee and not for me', which in my oppinion is a big red flag.

I don't think there's actually anything you can do to make him stop this behaviour. Frankly, it sounds like he might be one of those people where if you try to enforce change, he'll just start hiding it yo get you off his back.

I think the biggest questions in this situation are these:

Why is this a problem for you in the first place?

Do you think he will go further then just jerking it to pictures?

Is this a deal breaker for you?

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No I really have no clue, what do I sound like I want? Because I’ve tried to gauge my in intuitive response but it’s empty.

It is absolutely a double standard, and "that's what guys do" is such a cop out. But what are you asking, exactly? Whether this is fair, is what to do about it?

Yes, he is a creep, it also doesn’t matter who fell in love first.

A normal 30 year old would have shut you down, and explained why it is inappropriate. Instead, he fed those feelings to get what he wants from you.

Has he done other rude things like this?

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k, have fun I guess

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Pressured to marry, but not at all prepared for the sacrifices and concessions and extra care it takes to live together long-term. Your partner is not being respectful of your needs and its not going to get better without intervention.

When things have settled after new year's sit him down for a serious conversation and explain that this lifestyle isn't working for you. Your sensory issues are part of who you are, and you shouldn't be expected to isolate yourself in a room while he hosts loud parties. If he can't see things from your perspective then start taking steps to seperate. Put yourself before anyone else.

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Nope. We had all day, and we walked up the hill and back down. I don’t get it

Hmmmmmmmmm……. wow, never thought of that…. However I don’t think that will work. I was hoping someone would advise me to slaughter a lamb and paint its blood on the wall in old Latin that says “Sorry babe, I’m not really feeling like going to the party tonight, please don’t be upset.”

Though I appreciate your incredibly insightful advice on how to approach this conversation.

Yeah and if he wasnt a creep, he would have rejected you. I'm a couple of years off 34, and the idea of sleeping with a 19 year old makes me want to hurl, y'all are basically children.

The way I read this is you're fretting because you he showed you extra attention & passion when you were dolled up, but not as much in your normal day to day?

If that's the case, and you expect the "princess treatment" everyday, then I think you're being unreasonable unless he's totally ignoring you he other 95% of the time

If he's a good guy, treats you well and you have a good relationship - don't create problems where there isn't any

Reminds me of the phrase that is so true "You don't feel bad that you committed the crime, you just feel bad that you got caught and have to pay for it.". Very sad.

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I have a hard time regulating strong emotions myself, and literally the only thing that has ever worked is just developing that habit of recognizing when its happening and excusing myself until I can be calm.

Some days, I go for a lot of walks. Physical action has a particularly soothing value to it, and helps get me out of my head.

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That’s emotional blackmail. You’ve gotta protect yourself. He’s already sexually assaulted you, don’t believe for a second that he won’t escalate. I also recommend cutting ties with him by phone so he does not get the chance to retaliate. Please be careful, you’re so young and you are NOT responsible for his mental health.

Could you use words? Words that explain what you want?

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>My husband has commented on a lot of pictures, asked women how long they are in our city for, and has mentioned that he is traveling to a different city and wants to meet up.

Oh yeah.

He's actively trying to cheat on you.

Id screen shot all the evidence (after confirming it's definitely his account).

And wrap it up in a pretty box with a pretty bow and gift him divorce papers along with the comment longs.

Then tell everyone in your life and his life exactly why you're divorcing him. And then move on with someone else.

You're 30. This is the last age to really blow up your relationship and still be able to fairly easily recover and find a new partner and marry and have kids before it's too late.

However if you stay, you'll end up in your late 30s and 40s 20 years out from retirement with kids by a man who likely never changed making it much harder to leave and land on your feet.

I'd consider this the universe giving you a gift.