Unless she's making progress with treatment, cold turkey is the only way.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

I definitely am lol. I love socializing and getting to see my friends. They’re pretty much the only “family” I have out here. But I often agree to attend events, then come the day of, I don’t feel like going through with it. I just feel bad that this might affect my girlfriend’s night.

I’ll try to think of a fun alternative and propose that to her.

Based on equality? Nothing about what op described is equal. She's paying the brunt of the load for their child, doing all the house work, and raising the kid solo.

[removed]

Yeah this is a hard one. Since he sees you hugging another male friend , and you’ve hugged him a few times, he probably views this as being ok with you. You’re going to have to use your words and have that conversation. Texting, like the other commenter suggested might be the best. Just say something like hey Ben I want to let you know I’m not really comfortable with hugging you. It took me by surprise the first time you went in for the hug, and since then I’ve felt uncomfortable with it. I didn’t know how to address this because I didn’t want to bring drama to our friend circle, but moving forward I’m requesting that you don’t go in for the hug.

Craig, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused -- but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.

The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women -- or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.

Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as "all good" ("with me") or "all bad" ("against me") and will recategorize them -- in just a few seconds -- from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.

Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is "all bad." She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as "The Victim."

Further, to "validate" her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you.

Hence, the only time she acknowledges making a mistake will occur whenever she is having an emotional breakdown, at which time she is filled with self-loathing. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you ALWAYS..." and "you NEVER...."

Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).

Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) -- often making you feel like you're "walking on eggshells," as you say. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.

Craig, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?

Your heterosexual marriage sucks. It sucked before you were even married, but you got married anyway. Your sex life with him is dead. Your main motivation for staying is to preserve a lifestyle with heteronormative privilege. And the moment a woman expressed interest in you, you decided she's the love of your life. The closest is glass.

[removed]

To be honest its too late for that. Its new years and its probably time to go soon. If I were you I would bite the bullet and just go.

If you really don't want to go you could chuck a gallon of milk and say you are sick and are vomitting or something...

This seems to have almost zero affect on you or your daily life or even your 4 yo daughters for you to put up that much of a fight about something this important to your wife. You get to have your family name as their last name. They will carry your name into the the generations, can't you see that this is a small consolation to your wife? You're being weird and dramatic

Honestly sounds borderline financially abusive to me. I would collect as much evidence as you can to prove that you have been providing most of the income for your child, and then start talking to some good lawyers. At the very least you'll get split custody and you'll have more time on your hands to focus on work while kiddo is with dad.. better case scenario he'll have to pay you child support which is better off than your current scenario.

Can he afford child support? Because, if he can't prove the child is not his, that's probably going to be her next step.

Shop around. There are a lot of lawyers who function on a sliding scale based on income.

He shouldnt be annoyed AT ALL. That right there is a red flag.

Why do you assume he’s lying? My guy is definitely into curves but I’ve always been on the smaller size. Thankfully he’s more of an ass man but I am about as flat chested as they come and I know her prefers bigger breasts(I definitely do too so we check out girls together) He says I have a great ass but I definitely am not his normal “type”. Maybe being bi has changed how I view attraction through men’s eyes but I’m into so many shapes when it comes to women so I’ve always assumed men are too.

[removed]

You sound like an introvert lol

But I'd talk to your gf, tell her about your time concerns with work. And maybe even propose an alternative that would involve her being able to drink.

Yeah I have the same feeling. I’m not an expert in psychology but I do suspect she may have bpd or bipolar disorder:/ if it’s the case, blocking her will be still the best for her, right?

[removed]

[removed]

Perspectives on what? Not even Sherlock Holmes could make progress with that scrap of information.

Who says you’re not his type. The whole idea of a “type” I think is bs. I think only women are like that. Men like everything. I’m dating a thick Latina now. Before her was a skinny soccer chick and before that was a tall girl. Abs a short girl before that. “Type” is archaic

I am currently a little inebriated so Ill try my best not to react/reply to any comments until I feel myself again. So far, thank you all for your feedback.

[removed]

[deleted]