Maybe don’t pursue anything? Especially if you think your ex is going to want revenge?

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Jesus Christ. There is no universe where you should continue to live your life to take care of a man 40 years older than you who would rather be homeless than get a job. Accept that he is not your responsibility, figure out the best plan for yourself, and get a divorce. This is never going to get better for you. He is manipulative and selfish.

There’s something in here that I’m feeling, saying that there’s more to the “really low times”. And I can say from personal experience I went through a similar issue with me ex husband. I KNEW that I loved him but was repulsed by any sexual advances he made. And ofcourse I put the issue on myself, thinking I was asexual or trauma from my childhood. But after a few years of the no sex…. the little things that I outwardly ignored became bigger and I soon realized that he wasn’t a good person at all and he treated me horribly. It was that glow of a trauma bond that I “Loved”…. Well we’ve been divorced for a couple years now and I can confidently say I’m not asexual. Regardless of the reason you feel this way, weather it’s because you’re a lesbian or something else… this isn’t a relationship your body wants to be and you should always listen to your body. Don’t ever try and change how you feel or do something just to make someone else happy. Because in the end you’ll end up miserable and you lose that time to be truly happy. My advice is to listen to your intuition, it’s screaming for you to get out of this relationship. Give yourself a year of figuring out who you are after 3 years of living for and with someone else. You’ve already started the right steps. You stopped forcing yourself to have sex that was repulsive to you and that’s two years of feeling violated deep down. You need to really take time for yourself, learn to love yourself and respect your needs and wants more than others needs and wants. Loving someone is not putting your needs to the side for theirs, it’s two healthy people that take care of their own needs and love eachother for who they are.

I don't think that's a wild assumption to make, I would too after five months together.

Is the group he's meeting all guys? Do any of them have partners?

Nothing. You should do nothing.

Assuming that the kid exists at all, unless she’s willing to submit the child for a paternity test (done in a doctor’s office with your friend present), I don’t think he has anything else to say to her.

Take off those rose colored glasses my dude. Tuck and roll, bail, danger zone.

Not the farmers only lmao. Yeah I really like her and we flirt but I'm nervous id be misreading signs

Your are so right !! That is my biggest thing , it’s like why resort to that? Instead of taking a look at your problems and trying to fix them which will ultimately lead to a better relationship between us . As well as give him tools to be a better man for himself . You’re very correct about the stay at home mom thing lol I really do cherish my kids and I’m happy I get to be with them . He works ALOT so I’m mostly with them . As I homeschool my daughter . But you’re right … it comes with life potentially life long trauma to my kids . I was raised in a happy home , so I don’t Know what it’s like to be in a home of fighting parents . Lastly , I didn’t allow him to impregnate me . I’m actuality have an iud in … I literally just found out yesterday that I’m pregnant and have a doctors appointment to figure out what happened there because that honestly baffles me.

Well proof would be DNA, schedule this asap if the age and timelines match

People on this sub always ask, “how do I tell them?” “How do I say…?” These sorts of conversations are never easy, but you have to say the words. “Hey, we’ve been together X amount of years. I love you and desire you but I’m not feeling that in return. If things don’t change, I’ll have to rethink the relationship.” There might be a guy out there for her , but you’re not him.

Lol genuinely trying to build something with her. I know all too well what it's like to be homeless, to be broke, to be a trauma victim...I deserved grace and patience from my loved ones. I'm doing far better now. I was hoping that she might see the same kind of growth with some love and patience. I'm officially out of patience. It's not even like she has hurt me intentionally. But it is at the same time? I dunno. The bite scar on my arm is from when she came home drunk one night. We went to an annual memorial thing for a friend of hers thay passed away some time ago. I didn't drink much. She planned to get drunk. She knew I didn't like that but she's an adult i guess. I left early and told her i had work very early. So, i'd likely be in bed waiting on her. 2 hours later she shows up toasted with 2 other drunk friends. Starts blasting disney music for me and all our neighbors to hear from the back porch. I got frustrated. I handled this shit way wrong. I got her to have her friends leave. It was apparent i was mad but i hadnt been rude to her guests. I went to bed irrotated and she slunk off to another bedroom that was mostly unoccupied. Just a tv and tv stand with a few boxes in the closet. Once again, she's now intentionally blasting the tv and the remote is by the tv. She's by the back wall. I went in there, yelled "i trying to fucking sleep!!" And threw the tv remote (nowhere near her might i add) pretty aggressively to the side. Went back ti my room, shut and locked the door.

Now she's banging and screaming to let her in. I said no because i wanted to sleep in peace and to talk about it later when she isn't drunk. She didn't like that. Broke down the door (cpst me $200 she never paid me) and charged at me. I defended myself, got bit. Cops get called and ahe actually went to jail for the weekend. I dropped the charges despite the attorney telling me these things rarely work out and often only get worse.

As of the week before xmas, i have a scar ony forehead and a broken finger. But she's always so sorry and hates herself for those outbursts.

you need to clearly tell him you're not interested in being with anyone else, you don't like the idea of it, talking about it even if it's "just words" or ideas or a fantasy are disgusting to you. The end.

If he can't drop it you have a huge problem. I think you are already at the point where this is a huge problem but it's hard to tell if he might actually think you're into this based on how you describe your initial silence about it and then testing to see how far he'd go... he might stupidly really think you are ok with it. But there's no way this would turn out well, not with his friend, not even if you WERE into this fetish. And since you aren't, it's awful for him to pressure you about it.

Get away from this person. She’s dangerous and extremely toxic.

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No. I think I'll bring this up in couples counseling.

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>wanted proof before meeting.

He can be on the phone with her and be like, "I want proof of life!" and sound like all the cool action movie heroes of the early 2000s.

He sounds like a jerk who likes telling you what to do and making you feel bad.

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So he’s aggressive and violent in addition to being in love with someone else. Get out.

I am used to being with the person I’m dating on NYE so I made an assumption that we would by default. (Especially because we’re typically together on Saturdays anyway)

Skip any additional paragraphs. He’s not your boyfriend. No FaceTime? No calls? That’s not normal. I 100% guarantee that he’s gotten with other people in that period. He’s showing you zero respect. Stop all communication and move on.

I'm literally on your side.