>He she you as a modern independent woman and wants things to be based on equality.

On what planet is being the gestational parent, and paying for everything, --while also doing everything while the other hardly lifts a finger-- considered "equality"? Definitely not on this planet!

In addition, he is callously trying to undermine her ability to be an independent person by cutting out all of the things she needs to take care of herself and his kid, in a house that he now owns: if he kicks her out, she has nothing. He even wrote it into their legal relationship agreement that she doesn't get a piece of the home he refuses to truly share with her, made her lose her scholarship, is ruining her chances of getting a degree, and is also tanking her career-- these are all huge, necessary things for a person to be independent. This is clearly straight up sabotage from the bf. You make this sound so flattering to both of them, when in reality her bf is a callous leech at best, and at worst is committing financial*, emotional, and likely other subtle or not-so-subtle abuse.

I agree that this isn't fixable, and that he'll never pull a fraction of his weight, but he's not doing it because of "equality;" he's doing it because he's a terrible person. This is an important distinction.

OP, please go talk to someone you trust about this who might be able to help: a school counselor, your advisor, a kind parent/relative/friend, or etc. You need help, and you need to have an empathetic ear to help you gain control of your life again. Don't let anyone tell you that you're going to lose custody of your kid, either: if you lay out everything you had before the kid that your bf ruined for you, the fault line becomes clear, and I imagine you'll get a healthy alimony (edit: child support) from this. Talk to someone about your legal rights here too, just to make sure that you get everything you need going forward.

*Primer on financial abuse: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/what-is-financial-abuse-these-are-the-signs/

Thanks for the input.

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what are you calling a tantrum? are there examples?

Can you get a white noise machine to set by your door? Take the call in your car?

She’s being pretty rude to not give you some space and privacy for this. Seems nosy or she’s worried you’re going to say something about her.

You need to communicate with her about where your head is at. She is probably thinking that when you don’t touch her you’re not attracted, when you’re trying to control yourself. Explain clearly that if you begin to touch or feel her you think you can’t control yourself.

You can tell her that you’re doing other things to relieve stress , like cleaning or running.

That’s the point of dating. It’s to discern if you are each others matches. Seems he’s already in love with himself. Best tell him to pound sand.

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He’s 21 and probably delighted that an ‘older woman’ is entertaining this.

Divorce him before he has his friend rape you in front of him. He’s a scum bag and in no way was this just a fantasy but a sick need for him to realize (nothing against those who do hot wife but this isn’t that obviously). There’s no saving this as he severely broke your trust and won’t accept your no.

Take you and your child out of this situation ASAP. Talk to your friends and family for support and take this asshole to the cleaners. He can have his fantasy with someone else who's willing to play along.

I suspect it's the reverse, he's using gaming to escape from his depression, but the problem with that is it only works for so long.

Yes I see that but he seems impatient. Why do you think I am going to tie him down? What about his behavior?

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What do you mean by the alternate plan? Her saying we can hang out next month?

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He did have pictures and this has crossed my mind. He has said he deleted them but again I don't believe him. I wanted to see how far he would go because as much as he would say its just talk I wanted to see if he would do it for real and if he has discussed this with others. In my head it was a deal breaker, right now it's a deal breaker, not sure if it's because it just happened or because I am really done. I just feel devastated and dissapointed.

The reason I say it’s weird is because she does not spend time with her without me and only sees her with me or when she comes to family events my dad called her the other daughter he always wanted since we knew each other before any of my brothers were married or even dating their now wives. But yea I agree SIL might not see her that way

Thank you. Do you think it's even worth hanging out with her again?

She's just being friendly when she tells me she really loves the gift I gave her?

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You need to actually talk to him. Not hint around, not ask what he wants, tell him what you want and what you’re thinking. You’re not a passenger in the relationship.

And if you don’t want to be pregnant, get back on BC or use condoms.

From what you’ve written it seems like she’s extremely immature. It’s more likely than not she’s keeping him around for when you guys inevitably end.

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As someone who has been in a similar situation, I'm definitely feeling like he's depressed and using escapism to not deal with it. Doing anything to take your mind off of your shitty situation, but the more you do, the less it works.
I rarely ever even have fun gaming anymore, because my brain adapted.

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You’re incredibly emotionally immature… you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and pause to think before lashing out at people. Either that or you have an emotional disorder of some sort. The answer to both is talking to a psychologist