You are at completely different stages in your life. Let him live his before you tie him down with marriage and a couple of kids 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

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Do yourself a favour, move on, you’ve already spent 8 years. Don’t waste another 8. Move on, have fun, work on yourself, maybe some therapy (understand why you would knowingly stay being a placeholder for so long) and then find your person. He ain’t your person.

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Aw come on. He’s literally said if she starts something he won’t stop in. Kick his ass out and find someone decent. You deserve better. Why are you allowing him to treat you like this?

And there’s gonna be some child support

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Hi, I am sorry this has happened to you. I have had a similar experience and thought maybe it might help if I share it with you.

My husband at the time (now divorcing) became quite obsessed with me having sex with another man - I don't believe it was a fetish, more something he wanted to do and then have me (his wife) come back to him again. It got to the point where he called a friend of mine to arrange it (luckily my friend didnt pick up the phone). He also said if I didn't choose someone then he would pick for me and I later found out that he had started arrangements with a guy from his work. He was also showing sexual images of me etc.

Im pretty easy going with most things and possibly would have gone along with it under different circumstances but he became so focused and obsessed with it that I went the opposite way completely.

Another thing he did was during any intercourse he would talk to me constantly about other men and women (im bisexual) and there was a couple of particular sex acts that he became very focused on even though i asked him to stop doing them because I didn't like them.

These things went on for years, I was deeply unhappy.

No one here can tell you what to do but from my own experience, your husband wont change, he will only get worse just like my ex did. Protect and support yourself because he's not going to do that for you.

Note that he is now my ex.

Therapy.

He makes me feel wrong for feeling that way. Understandble if it is the truth. He just invited me to hang out with them after the holidays but only because hes worried ill leave him, if he goes alone. He confessed during an argument that if something happened between them he wouldnt stop it, but that he would want me to be part of it if anything. I explained how uncomfortable that made me. He backed it up by saying I might want to think about it because they're "cool like that" and he isn't sure what I'd take as flirting. In the past he's mentioned wanting her to be our third, claiming he was just kidding afterward. I used to take him for his word but his actions scream the opposite.

I did, but not anymore because he is now in my life. My options are less because I chose to engage with him. We enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other. What he cannot control is who he loves, so I accept his love.

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So um, does your husband have any pictures of you that you would not want shared with others? Because I am getting the vibe that he has done just that with his "friend".

Another thought I had is that he clearly has a strong urge to do this and if you stay with him then he won't be fulfilling this fantasy he has, so if you leave you will be setting him free to explore his needs. That could be one approach to your situation. That you don't want to hold him back from what he desires. Since you don't want to sleep with anyone but him then you will never be able to fulfill his fantasy.

The other side is that he has no respect for you and that you have already said no, that also is very concerning that he has continue to pressure you. Now he is back pedaling a lot so there is at least some consideration that he knows you are not interested.

I am concerned as to why you wanted to see how far he would go, what was your goal here?

You seem to be a silent partner in interactions with him, not wishing to spoil the vibe, but isn't he spoiling it for you? Is it fair on him to not communicate that you are not interested immediately? What are you worried he will do if you just say no? I am not interested? Does he go off and sulk?

Quit avoiding the therapy, grow the hell up and take responsibility for your issues, it’s going to be uncomfortable, that’s part of the process. If you really care about him you will go to the therapy and not just walk out the second it’s uncomfortable

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I think you should avoid this situation, it just doesn't sound healthy or like either of you know what you want

No. I am saying he is and adult, not a child. He is not immature and doesn't look like a child either.

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I’ve been going outside to my shop and cleaning, my main concern is that she’s upset that I’m not touching her like I was. I can control myself to an extent but I feel like my wife is beautiful and anytime I see her nude or even bent over I end up touching her. She loves the attention from me but now that I’m 4 weeks in and it’s getting worse I’m finding myself looking away when she’s changes around me. I’ve explained myself to her but she still seems hurt that I’m not touching her or holding her and anything like that.

What doe she say in response?

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