> but is sticking her head in the sand that no one will find out.

Try pointing out that the guy who cheated on her also didn't think anyone would find out.

I really appreciate your responses. I'm trying to make sure my eyes are in fact open, because my gut has been screaming at me. I've been holding him down on the basis of me believing he chose me, because that's what he claims, but at the end of the day it didn't seem like much of a choice. It feels like the first 4 years were him pretending I was someone else, and these last 4 years are him finally getting to know me. We've had some stupid arguments based off him thinking I'm exactly like him and me realizing he has never paid much attention to me overall as a person. A piece of me does wish he would just stop talking to her considering the issues we've had, but I know better than to demand that from anyone.

I really appreciate your responses. I'm trying to make sure my eyes are in fact open, because my gut has been screaming at me. I've been holding him down on the basis of me believing he chose me, because that's what he claims, but at the end of the day it didn't seem like much of a choice. It feels like the first 4 years were him pretending I was someone else, and these last 4 years are him finally getting to know me. We've had some stupid arguments based off him thinking I'm exactly like him and me realizing he has never paid much attention to me overall as a person. A piece of me does wish he would just stop talking to her considering the issues we've had, but I know better than to demand that from anyone.

Jesus Christ dude. Your wife had major surgery. Look after her instead of thinking about fucking another girl. It's only a few months. I can't imagine recovering from surgery and have my husband worry the most about this instead.

This is what I think about when I realize he is different. He would have thought I was too immature if he was 21 when I was. We had completely different values and I also did not have the strong faith I do now. He is part of that, and it is something we bonded over and he helped bring out. I was not mature like him at that time and didn't want marriage minded relationships until right about this age. He acts like he's in his 30s and is structuring his life in that way. He is far from stupid, so he knows what he is doing. What makes you think he is naive and stupid in who he tells he loves and who he invests his time in? Why do you think he is unable to make decisions for himself ?

Sounds like she probably has a lot of anxiety about meeting your friends. Talk to her about it, be direct and ask what’s up/

[removed]

Why didn't you include her reason when you ask?

If you’re willing to talk about it with people on the internet you should probably be willing to talk about it with the other person involved.

Appreciate it.

[removed]

Run. He's useless. Don't worry about him. The pets are a bigger priority.

Thanks for your comments. My concern is that I can't trust him to do things behind my back. The fact he's lied (so convincingly) that this was all just talk makes me think what else can he lie about. Especially if I don't fulfil this fantasy that he might do other fantasies behind my back.

Her ex said thought he wouldn't get caught either. Eventually, she's gonna get busted and feel so ashamed of herself. I don't think she's really thinking of how bad this will be for her personally. His wife will probably go scorched earth, and from other similar situations I've seen in the past, will make it her life's mission to destroy your friend. It's one thing when the other woman didn't know he's married. It's a whole other thing when she does. She's risking her career, personal reputation, and very possibly, her families respect for some scandal d*ck. She's clearly lost her mind and needs to get in therapy today!

How smart were you at 21? I bet you did a bunch of stupid things. All 21 year olds think they are as mature as 31 year olds

I wanted to, but at this point, life moves on. I won't reject her if she reaches out to me though. I'd let that lady drag me around anywhere. I get why he likes her so much, I like her a lot, but he could do better at just helping me be more comfortable.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

OMG you are only 21 AND you're dating a gaslighting narcissist and you thought a baby was a good idea? I'm sorry but you are in a serious mess here.

He is far from a child. He towers over me and is mature beyond his years. He has been very positive in my life. Now you're saying a fully grown man cannot be held accountable for his behavior ? He is not a kid and does not live like one. I am not sure why he is not stopping but I am not feeding into it. I pushed him away in the past and he got us through that. He loves that we are exactly ten years in age difference, and is not afraid of it. I want to spend more time with him because he is a great person. I have reservations about dating him. You make it seem like he is not allowed to be my friend or that he is out of control, yet you place no accountability in his behavior. He is the one acting this way, to make me feel more comfortable with him. Yet you don't ask why, and instead blame me for not shutting people who care about me out of my life for something he cannot control.

[removed]

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Your partner has a great gig going on—you take care of his kid, take care of him, have sex with him, and you pay him for the privilege! At least if you leave you’ve got a shot of getting child support off him.

Hello /u/ThrowRA_candyapples, your request appears to ask for moral judgment or judgment on your actions. Per our moral judgment rule, any requests for moral judgment (generally any yes/no questions) will result in the removal of your post even if you ask for specific advice as well.

Please remove any questions that ask for judgment of a situation (again, yes/no questions) and instead request specific advice that could not possibly result in a yes/no answer.

(we may not include messages such as this on future moral judgment removals, for your awareness)

Thanks,

-Relationship Advice mod team

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

...yeah. was dumb enough to believe the whole "I'm over her" episode. Chose to take him at his word instead of trusting my gut. Want to believe that he has chosen me after 8 years, but part of me knows if she called right now and asked him to drop me, it would probably only take him an hour or less to get through.

[removed]