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If you are completely unresponsive to her tactics, as in grey rocking. Will she up the ante? Will she continue and intensify her manipulation until she gets a response from you?

It does sounds like some type of attention seeking behaviour, or histrionic type personality.

Look, there are some people who enjoy this kind of thing, and there are some that don't. The issue here is he's one of the ones that does, and on finding out you are one that doesn't, he's trying to force you to do something you find repellent regardless of how you feel about it. He has already taken your non-refusal as consent and gone ahead with the arrangement. That's partly on you for not, once again, refusing him, but almost entirely on him for just not accepting a no at the first expression of it. He thinks you can be persuaded, doesn't care that you don't really want to, and is forging ahead. He almost certainly will bring this up again because he's got the idea, from porn or just his own fetishism, that you can be brought around to his way of thinking.

As you say, the real issue is that he won't admit that actually making this happen is a priority for him, and you saying no is a negotiable. You can't trust him not to arrange this again, you can't trust him to not keep pushing it. He HAS to accept that this is never going to happen, and without that you have no marriage future.

Thanks. I will. I have said this type of thing but I only thought of this as I was typing it out. It’s worth a go.

I would love to, but it would sadly have to wait.

Or you could - you know, ask him directly instead of using someone else's pregnancy to bring up the topic. "hey babe, I'm getting this feeling that we need to talk about the possibility of a baby and how we both feel about it, do you want kids?" Instead of throwing hints to see if he says anything. This is not a conversation you can start on hints. It is a serious thing that will change both your lives.

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Thanks for answering. I have said it to her. I think I will have to reevaluate soon, I just hope I can get through to her before I do that.

Blick him no matter what.

I know. I’ve told her all this and she keeps saying they mustn’t get caught. Even if she was an uncaring sociopath, which she’s not, it’s so unlike her to take these massive risks. She’s normally so strategic.

Same.

There’s no type. It’s either we like each other or not.

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Dump him and be best friends with her.

Do yourself a favor and listen to the comments/ yourself and leave already It doesn't matter if you both "have permission" to go though eachothers phones, what matters is that you feel the need to have to. You yourself said the relationship has trust issues. He's trying to hide stuff from you, and it's about his ex too

Why the flying fuck are you in this relationship because there's obviously no communication or trust. Is the sex just that good?

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Our biological clock is not an alarm clock. I'm 45 and have been in perimenopause for around 8 years now, probably (never had my hormones checked bc I've always been child free and don't have any troubling or concerning symptoms and get regular paps) But my cycle has changed.

You don't know your CURRENT fertility. Some women don't hit menopause until their late 50s. For some it happens at 35. There isn't "business hours" for our eggs or ovaries.

You are being friend zoned. If she was interested she would have said yes when asked on the date. Continue cordial conversations. Do expect anything more. Start looking elsewhere for a romantic relationship.

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If anything he's done nothing but try and talk to her. Even when she never responds. At times he would go into crisis and even cry thinking she didn't like him anymore, and she made it clear he was being annoying but it took him a long time to stop. I would beg him to calm down and not blow her up so much but he would write me off as jealous. He has in a sense admitted to rather being with her. He's fizzled out since making the statement but part of me feels like it's only because he's accepted that she doesn't want him, but is still somehow holding out for her. He told me years ago that he believed his feelings meant they were destined to be together. He recently brought up opening up our relationship on the basis of being able to have access to her in anyway he wanted. I didn't include it because he took it back, but it definitely raised flags, especially with him claiming he was over her previously. I believe at heart he wants us both, but mine is more of a supporting role. She gets way more respect than he gives me. He won't even look at another girl if she's in the room. I love him enough to put up with a lot, but after 8 years I'm starting to break. We just about have this conversation everyday because he wants things his way, but doesn't want to lose me at the same time. I've never made him stop talking to her, but he's severely jealous and doesn't give the same energy he wants. He wants freedom from me, but from him there are rules to what I can and can't do. I truly want to believe that he picked me, but deep down I know if she asked to be with him right now, and all he had to do was drop me, we would be done. That part hurts the most. I love him but when they're together he won't even text me or call. He will literally stay out all night, never come home, and just show up at our job, having her drop him off. The rumors are annoying enough to deal with. I would've included all this, but it's already novel length.

Sounds like he’s a narcissist.

I’m so so sorry you are in this situation. I don’t have any great advice. But I do wonder if you have any friends or family that know what’s going on.

Your partner sounds like a misogynist and is financially abusing you. It’s ridiculous that you were shouldering the cost of raising a child and doing all the work. And when you can’t anymore, he just makes you totally drop expenses instead of pulling his weight and helping.

My recommendation would be to fill in a trusted friend or family member that could help you find a place to stay until you are back on your feet. You and your kid deserve better than this. He’s trying to manipulate and degrade you into accepting this. My bet is he thinks it’s working.

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Same concept for hookups lol you obviously are attractive enough that he enjoys sex with you