Used to be, in some sections of some societies, that saving sex for marriage was for both parties’ protection. If someone was going to eventually make that decision that “you’re not my type”, they didn’t get to test-drive you all the way to Prague and back: a man was expected to have enough self-knowledge to know (or at least make a reasonable guess) that it wasn’t going to work out before he polished his torpedo below your decks.

It was, at least officially, considered scoundrel’s behavior to have sex and then return someone to the shelf to go shopping again.

That was only ever officially true, rarely in practice; and it didn’t last for good reasons. But consider how things have changed.

Dating is at least as much about having sex as it is about finding a life-partner now. Women are now entitled to the same level of self-determination: they also are entitled to sex and to consider and reject a partner based on any criteria that seems good to them.

That’s arguably progress.

Is that “okay”?

You’re experiencing the down-side after having experienced the up-side. When people start selecting, they’re capable of rejecting.

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You are looking incredible and your photos, at least on this profile, are not provocative but show your amazing success. You should be proud of yourself!

Your husband sounds incredibly abusive tbh. Trauma doesn’t excuse abusive behavior. Have you ever talked to him like he did to you just because he was obese? How would he have reacted to that? My guess is, he wouldn’t have tolerated it. Nor would he tolerate you lusting after other men, correct?

Men and women see when someone else is attractive, that’s normal. But no, many of us don’t go out of our way to initiate contact with these people. It’s more an acknowledgment that someone is good looking. Doing it this obvious and maliciously is also something most people wouldn’t do, because it’s disrespectful and hurtful. And then all the abusive and degrading comments? No. Just no. Most people do not treat their partners this way.

His threat to me sounds like he’s either wanting to divorce or to cheat on you, if you continue posting. So now his abusive behavior has just shifted focus, but still continues.

You deserve respect, kindness and love. What you guys have is a toxic cycle of wanting to hurt each other and him being verbally abusive. Do you want the next 10 years to continue living like that?

Maybe try marriage counseling to work on communication with professional help. But if it were me, I’d probably stop investing into this relationship and focus on leaving instead.

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Youre going around in circles. Either you want to date him or you dont. Hes practically a child. What he is doing doesn't matter if you think it's gross or not, your actions do. Lots of kids have crushes on older people. He isnt stopping because you are feeding into it.

8 years of being second string to his unrequited love. That’s….. dedication.

Just because he’s most attracted to a certain type doesn’t mean he doesn’t find other women attractive too.

I love myself a beautiful redhead but I won’t turn away a gorgeous brunette because of it lol. So basically we’re capable of liking multiple things he obviously is into you too if he’s with you

Honestly he doesn't sound like a good partner he's not really helped at all outside of giving sperm and being around. Seek help from family rather than going to him every time he's not giving any solutions. I hate to say it but there's a reason he's been married twice and they failed and there's a reason a man 13 years older than you has you trapped but the first step is making a plan to leave.

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She sounds cool, I'd drop him and hang out with her on my own. New friend!

I agree and I was (trying to at least) applying communication skills and not sweeping sweeping things under the rug in this situation

he asked another woman to come over. sorry there’s no way he “didn’t do anything physical”. he’s a cheater bottom line. i would trust him as much as i’d trust snoop dog around my weed. if you let him get away with this he’ll find a way to hide it better & continue doing it. he won’t change. find you someone that will love and respect you the way you know you deserve. i think you know what the right thing to do is but you’re hoping to find alternative answers on here. the decision is yours to make. just be careful if you chose to go back. he broke your heart once and he’ll do it again without hesitation

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What does he say when you tell him what you said here? That you’re frustrated that he says he wants to try but when the time comes, he’s doesn’t want to?

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Maybe you're tired, I get that, but keep on blocking him. Do not type a single word to him, do not answer his phone calls and when you accidentally do because you didn't know it was him, immediately hang up and block. Keep blocking and not responding.

Put your social media on private so people have to ask access first.

I think therapy is great because in large part it does teach you to communicate and perhaps not rug sweep valid thoughts and emotions.

However, part of evolving in therapy also means growing as person and gaining tools to resolve your conflicts internally. For example, if you suffer from low esteem, then therapy is not so your girlfriend can work around your esteem better, it is for you to learn how to let go of low self esteem.

Im not saying get over it or anything like that, but you go to therapy for you, not for your girlfriend.

I've called my ex by our cat's name several times and my bf by my sister's bf's name. Sleepy brains do stupid stuff.

I'd only worry if it was a name that's never come up before.

There's no avoiding the science of DNA tests. He gets proof, he knows where he stands. If she consistently refuses to allow him a test then that's an answer in itself.

As I’m getting closer to 40 I don’t want to push the risks that come along with having a child at an older age. 🫤