So let me get this straight. He is a sweet guy, has a job, pulls his weight, and cares for you a lot. And you are anxious, insecure, and tired of trying to change him. So. What we have here is you trying to mold him into a dominant leader because you don't know how to be confident and strong yourself. That way you can depend on him because you have a co-dependent personality. You say you had to teach him a lot about relationships, but it doesn't sound like you have had a ton of experience with normal healthy relationships yourself, so is it possible that your opinion of how he should behave is a bit off? Stop trying to fix him and perhaps work on yourself.

We understand what you mean when you say he lacks confidence to make a choice or stand up for himself. That could be frustrating. But have you considered that he really is trying not to upset you because of your history of depression and insecurities? If you are the type that needs people to constantly pour on how much they love you, then you come off as a bit high maintenance and needy. He is probably just trying to keep the peace.

Yeah you are probably right.. This is the only thing that keeps bugging me in our relationship the whole time. He isnt outspoken or expressive and i am anxious person who needs to hear it a lot. Ive been working on meeting half way because he is really amazing in every other area and i dont want to change someone. I dont want to shape them.. Its just my needs and i feel u fair because of them. I dont wanna loose him either.

>She might not actually even have a kid

Yeah, well insisting on a DNA test conveniently solves this lie too

Yes we are both focusing on career and education, I am just at a further stage than him while he just finished his first internship. When you say it's not a problem, do you mean being in each other's lives or us having feelings for each other ?

Thank you for the perspective. That's what he's did and asked his ex for a picture of her holding the kid.

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The "mom" isn't active on any socials at all. We don't really know her family's contact since he didn't date her for long.

At first I did not want to but he grew on me. Yes I tried those things but he was persistent. I do not usually connect with younger guys but his values are the same as mine because he is mature. It is ageist to say that he can't be in my life because he is younger. When he asks me to be his girlfriend is when I should tell him my preference.

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She might not actually even have a kid. And if she has a kid, it might not be hers. I think that's the level of lying that might be going on...

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Be mature and just keep it to yourself.

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Your fiance sounds like he needs to pull his head out of his ass and respect your boundaries.

Sex doesn't need to have an anal aspect to be fulfilling. If it's something he's so hell bend on I would suggest for him to let you have a go on him with a strap on and then you'll reconsider things

Edit: your body, your rules - don't ever forget that

He sounds like a good guy. He just struggles with addiction, something that depression makes even easier to fall into. I know you said he is going to therapy, and that's great, but I wonder if he would be receptive to you going along? Or perhaps you could set up a different therapist for the both of you?

He may not be approaching the subject of his gaming addiction and how it's effecting his relationship. And I think a therapist would know best how to work with you individually and as a couple on how to handle it. It takes a lot of recognize the problem, but it takes even more to change the behavior and he may not know how.

Wishing the both of you the best, OP!

Peg him and see how he likes being ripped up until he bleeds.

But seriously. He should have prepared properly. You can’t suddenly ram an erect dick into a small hole without proper preparation. Youve probably got a fissure now which will keep flaring up.

Do not let him do this if you don’t want to. You’ve tried it and didn’t like it. He has no right to force you.

If he tries any further coercion be it verbal or physical then that is sexual assault and does not make him a “big goofball”, it makes him a big cunt.

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I am not expecting anything from him but it is hard to deal with him telling me how much he loves me. It is like he wants me to fall for him. I did not ask him to be in my life and he made sure to not only join it, but be present and stay in it. He knows I prefer older/same age men and I would see how crushed he would be whenever I would ignore his flirting. He made it clear that he is not going anywhere. Yes we are friends with a bond, so I should be accepting of him since he is a younger guy that wants to be around older people. When I was his age I constantly found men in their 30s to be better, but they would not want to spend any time with me outside of trying to get in my pants. It would make me feel terrible so I don't want to repeat that with him. He loves me despite the age gap. I wanted advice on how to deal with the huge gap in age, not kicking him out of my life because he didn't meet an age requirement.

Assuming you're both on the same page in terms of where you are in life it's not a problem .

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