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>Here is where I need advice, i told her that I don’t want her being friends with him anymore because I don’t trust him.

So, what you're saying is actually you don't trust your GF. Because if you did, it wouldn't matter if he liked her or not.

It doesn't even seem like she's done anything to warrant you being this concerned, unless you just left it out. You said yourself she hasn't replied to his social media dms/texts (which you knew about), she then set a boundary with him when you asked her to, she asked you if she could go to a party with him (which you agreed to), and then they talked about her boundaries with him... so, aside from hanging out with someone you clearly don't like, what exactly did she do wrong?

>We compromised and she won’t be hanging out with him outside of family things.

...lol this reminds me of the quote "I didn't want a dog, but my wife did. So we compromised and got a dog". You didn't compromise here, you told her how it was going to be, because you're insecure and jealous.

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>A part of the ceremony requires us to tie our wrists with white cotton for good luck, but in Chinese culture, white is a sign of bad luck as it symbolizes death. My mom told me that I’ve been growing up as a Chinese kid and I shouldn’t turn my back on it and this is bad luck. But since I’ve been raised for SEVENTEEN years without acknowledging my Laotian heritage, I feel it’s more of a reason to get in touch with it now.

You mother is being foolish and irrational. This is just a superstition and you should ignore it and tell her to stop being silly. You have two heritages, not just one. She is trying to drive a wedge between you and your father.

Does she never wear anything that is white? Seriously, this makes me angry just reading it.

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The problem is not with your two different cultural heritages, it’s your mum. You are not stuck between two cultures, you are of both cultures and neither your mum and dad can tell you how to incorporate those two cultures into your life. They are Chinese and Laotian, respectively, while you’re Chinese-Laotian-American. Your cultural identity is different from your parents. How you approach this part of your identity will be your journey, and yours alone. With the support of maybe other Chinese-Laotian-Americans. There isn’t any conflict. In Laotian ceremonies, white is good luck, in Chinese it’s bad luck. Sometimes you need a spoon, other times you need a fork.

It’s your mum that’s making it a problem because she isn’t respecting your cultural identity which is Chinese-Laotian-American, and not Chinese. If she wanted a Chinese kid, she shouldn’t have chosen a Laotian father and moved to USA. So remember, you are allowed to form your own cultural identity, and the conflict is from your mum who has actively kept your father out of your upbringing and all of his traditions. I would be careful with your mother. She sounds very egotistical.

If he's lost feelings then it's already done. You loving him, doesn't change that problem.

Have you decided to either make this work or stay single because you are losing time to find someone else.

I had the exact same problem with my ex-girlfriend and it never got better.

We lived together, and during the week, she would spend every waking hour after work gaming, and on weekends it would be from the minute she got up until the minute she went to sleep.

It wasn't always like that; she presented a version of herself during the first year of our relationship of someone who only gamed occasionally. As soon as she moved in, that changed completely. We would never go out together, she would constantly turn down requests to hang out with my friends and family and our sex life dwindled to zero.

I spent the next two years of my life pleading with her to game less so we could actually live life again together as a couple. I was desperately holding on to the relationship we had in that first year hoping we could get back to that point while making myself completely miserable in the process.

I started to feel like I was suckered into falling for her under false pretences, and once she had me "locked down" in a committed relationship, the mask came off and she revealed her true self. Eventually I couldn't deal with it anymore and I left.

I completely understand that there's mental health issues at play with your boyfriend, but I think you need to face the fact that even if he gets those under control, this might never change. I know that's difficult, but feeling alone in a relationship is one of the worst feelings ever. If you're at the point of feeling like that, you may as well just be single because you essentially already are.

I hope you can work this out, but please don't be like me and waste some of the best years of your life on somebody who would rather live a life staring at a monitor than participating in real life with you.

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He sounds like a child.

Do not buy a house with him unless all these issues have been resolved. He’s not putting in the work as a father or a husband and seems to desperately need a wake up call.

He doesn’t seem to realize what he’s jeopardizing. Have you established an open device policy? Would he be okay with you looking at things like that or male escorts?

You and your kids deserve so so much better.

Sending you all the hugs!

Mostly because its a decision that would be unchangeable and I still love him and hope things will get better. I feel like we still have not given it enough of a chance. I left a lot of things behind and I would like to try everything I can before giving up and going back because it would be for good.

He doesnt want to move with me because he wants a break to hopefully catch feelings again.

I was not very happy with this option, it sounded a lot like he was trying to just get rid of me but to me its the last solution.

Gf is attracted to him +enjoys the attention/validation

Yeah gf is attracted to him , enjoys the attention/validation, she’s the problem not him

Why are you going through his search history on multiple apps? I'd break up with for that, it's as creepy as hell.

I'm approaching this from the viewpoint of having a crazy ex.

The entire thing smells to me. Feels like an excuse to initiate contact. I would not, under any circumstances, meet in person. Start simple, insist on proof a kid even exists.

End it please. You can do better.

if anyone could also let me know about things that I have been wondering for a while, were my "requests" so bad? was his family right to be offended?

He says they had to change their lifes completely because of those "requests" but the only things that they currently actively do is not use the bathroom and not eat from my groceries which I don't feel is a crazy life change?

His sister told him that she was so scared to eat from the fridge now, in case some of the things in there were mine. She could just ask me but she never did because its too much work... she just sounds overly dramatic. And that's just one example, his whole family is like this.

Tell your mum you'll go a good luck ceremony according to ger culture when you get back. Tell her that not going is disrespectful to your elders as your father's mother has requested you there. This one is common in all asian cultures. Tell her that all the Chinese ceremonies you've done for all your life will protect you from bad luck. Whatever will convince her to let you go.

I’ve actually already ended things. He believes there’s a chance we could still be together. Today I’ll be finalizing my decision. If he doesn’t comply this time I may have to block him from contacting me.

Wait you're a young woman who dates older guys... Who is surprised by older guys she dates being attracted to young women?

Good that you have finally.open your eyes. Just block him on everything after you have left so that he cant influence you anymore. Dont worry too much about him , after you left he will start again with other 18yo. That is his modus operandi.