Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

Cool_Story_Bro__ t1_j2cuy4d wrote

“It’s time to revisit this issue as an adult”

Why?

What has the father done to earn the right to mend?

Just because someone wants to fix a relationship doesn’t mean you have to.

He asks him not to contact her and he continuously violates his requests. This shows a lack of respect for his feelings, his agency, and his intelligence. Which sounds a lot like what he did when he was young.

Trust, love, and respect are earned.

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Neochronic87 t1_j2cuqhc wrote

Do you really need people on the internet to tell you this man? There is one of 2 possibilities here... Either she is lying to you and just wants to continue banging him while using you, or she is legit being threatened about it at work. If that's the case I'd find it difficult to even give a shit as she cheated on you in the first place. She made her bed, let her lay in it. She needs to report him and/or find a new job. Either of which is not your problem. You're 22 man.. Youve got plenty of time to find someone actually worth your time and effort. End the relationship and walk away. She chose to cheat. Let her figure out the problem she created herself all by herself. If you stay with this girl even for another day you are a complete fool and whatever she does to destroy you further is on you.

Know your worth man.

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Biceratops_Wrex t1_j2cunci wrote

More reason to go through the courts. He needs to see an attorney and if the kid is his and he wants to be a father. They need to do custody changes in a public place and all communication needs to be written. It's perfectly fine for him to say "I'd like to handle this through the court system and I am not interested in having any relationship with you."

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patticakes86 t1_j2cukv7 wrote

Thanks for this. I had an ex pull this on me and question me about what I was doing at night. I'd wake up to him saying things like what Op is saying to his fiance and I'd be like "wtf are you talking about?" I do struggle with sleep issues, insomnia & sleep apnea so if I'm doing something when I'm dead ass asleep, I really am oblivious. He refused to believe I had no idea and kept pressing me to where I just felt....gross about it and super defensive cause how do I defend sleep?!? Anyways, he's an ex for some other reasons but that really made a big impact on my respect for him that he'd choose to keep shaming me vs just drop it. I sleep alone again so if I still do it, I wouldn't know and quite frankly, idgaf if it still happens so long as I am sleeping ok.

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Mean_Environment4856 t1_j2cukdw wrote

>The part of me that cares wants to know if this means he’s angry or hurting? Can someone give a dumper/ guy’s perspective on what’s going on at this point?

>but am moving forward with my life and don’t need a lecture on why I need to stop thinking about him. I know my worth and that’s why I’m not contacting him or expecting reconciliation. I just want to know if he’s thinking about me- whether it be positive or negative.

Writing a post here, wanting literal strangers on the internet to tell you what you ex boyfriend may be thinking about you is not healthy or 'moving on'. We are not mind readers and cannot tell you what hes thinking or why he's doing what he's doing. Stop following his friends on social media and stop torturing yourself .

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AffectionateWheel386 t1_j2ctd5c wrote

OK, you can crate a puppy if you want to go out and it’s not potty trained yet. Also, if you work with a dog, you can train it so that you can leave the house and the dog can stay behind. There isn’t any reason why you can’t leave the house because you have a dog. I’ve had dogs in full-time jobs. I think you’re a little codependent I don’t think you’re an asshole. And meaning you’re over thoughtful and you’re not taking care of yourself. Again train your dog the dog can stay at home while you go out for a couple three hours.

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CrazyCatLadyForEva t1_j2ct5v9 wrote

This has nothing to do with all this beta or alpha bull crap, but it does have to do with you being so in love that you’re being purposefully blind and making excuses.

There’s always HR, there’s leaving the job (even if it requires moving away. If the situation is as bad as she says, she’d most likely do it) there’s properly ending the relationship with you. Usually I’m inclined to believe women when it comes to things like these, but her story sounds kinda sketchy to me. Regardless, at least the first time was just old fashioned cheating. Is he her boss or “just” a coworker? There’s ways for her to collect proof of what he’s allegedly doing, but she’s not doing that either. Things like recording conversations or getting him to put anything in writing via text. Having someone “accidentally” overhear a conversation where she expresses her concerns to him about the situation again.

Do you think she is in physical danger? If yes, then it’s time to convince her to become more proactive and put a stop to this.

If she is telling the truth, then she’s still choosing to stay in the situation and not change anything. That means there’s nothing you can do but look out for yourself now. It’s not fair of her to expect you to endure the constant betrayal and hurt. End it asap. Remove yourself from this dumpster fire. I’m almost sure you’ll see her announce a relationship with him soon enough. But I’m kinda jaded Ig.

You deserve better. Be strong and think of yourself in this first. You’ve got this! If she reaches out for help in a platonic capacity later on, you can re-evaluate if you want to help her in any way that doesn’t cross your boundaries. But NC or very low LC might be best for now, if you decide to leave.

2