doing that for as long as she was doing it?? shes GOT to be raw down there then.... shiet MiNE is hurting thinking this poor woman going at it for so long

This is an excellent analysis. Sounds to me that his antidepressants aren't working as they should and he is using gaming as an escape. Hope OP can persuade him to talk to his therapist about this so he and OP can deal with it together.

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Nothing you say shows happiness or apathy. That hostility is unresolved.

It’s too familiar because that’s what you need to do. Holding on to this grudge won’t help you. That’s the difference between still looking at it like a child and growing some awareness as an adult.

Your relationship isn’t OP. So we have no details. OP hasn’t explained anything toxic. Just unfortunate. Hence asking for clarification.

You could reply that you find that his treatment of you is condescending and disrespectful and you do not owe anyone respect. Respect is earned and he isn't anywhere close to receiving that from you. I think your father is angry because you rebuff his attempts to communicate with you. Tell him you still aren't ready to talk to him and his approach is making you not want to try. Tell him to not communicate with you until a future date like your next birthday and you will try to have a conversation if you can.

Have you been to therapy? It might help you.

Currently trying to find my spine to put myself out of this situation yessir. I’ve done it smoothly in the past, don’t know what’s happened to me on this one. I need motivation. Fuck I’m definitely a catch and I do deserve the opposite of this. Most of this isn’t really my problem to deal with.

I’m fine, happy with my life. I’m apathetic to him, but people like you are infuriating. This conversation is all too familiar. The child in the situation gets blamed for getting themselves out of a toxic cycle because “why can’t you forgive them” or “things have changed” or “why can’t you be more mature?” Since when is it not mature to recognize a toxic relationship and want to remove yourself from it?

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With that same respect, you still sound like an angry child.

Holding a grudge for the rest of your life will only continue to scar you. You sound miserable.

Being angry because he moved on won’t help you. That’s just it. You needed to start caring. A lack of care is the problem.

I kinda assumed it was a suction-style vibrator, that is provided I can look past how clearly fake it is.

Again, you are more focused on him when he is bringing this on himself. So I say it again, what is the big deal if she does and doesn't want to say? Like do you even hear yourself about why this guy is so focused on his "sanity" from hearing something but being told another? And then having an obsession with it to the point that he is so focused on it, his sanity is in question?

With the greatest possible respect, that’s a load of bs. It shouldn’t be the CHILD’S responsibility to be the mature and civil one. The father lost respect and the relationship through his actions and words. Moving on ISN’T the issue, and if you can’t see that then I can’t help you. It’s how he handled moving on, and then the way he harasses and talks to his son now. I have a parent exactly like this. I couldn’t care less about his girlfriends, or his now-fiance. Good for them. May they be happy. But he lost the right to a relationship with his kids after the years of constant disrespect and hassling, and it reads exactly like this case.

THANK YOU. I had to scroll way too far to find another rational person. (I just wanna talk about the sucking sounds? WTF is that meant to imply?)

she said no to sex already. he said he has no problem with masturbation, only her lies. did you even read the post?

You can’t be her therapist and she doesn’t sound like she’s mentally healthy enough to be dating anyone. This will only bring you misery.

You need some shelter and food. This is starting to look like a survival situation. Women's shelter or homeless shelter if you don't have family

Since you know he has the capacity to strand you like this I'd not worry about keeping the relationship. He's not a safe person.

If he continues to ghost you he effectively stole your possessions, I'd talk to police about that.

At first I chose not to see all of the wrong that was served to me, but you are absolutely right that she betrayed the core value of a relationship that I desire, she knew all of my boundaries and where I cross the line and they were all crossed.

Im not confident that if ever those boundaries will be respected if I stay, her issues at work are priority and my issues are an inconvenience that always turn into an argument against me.

While the easiest thing to do would be to leave the job sadly even I agree this isn’t something that can be left easily. She just completed a bunch of college strictly for this profession and got a job that isn’t replaceable where we live so it’s the only option if she’s going to stay where family is or move far away to another location. So looks like that’s a part that will remain and that’s been the biggest downfall of working on anything ever in the future.

I realize all of this points downward really none of this looks good and really there aren’t any things that are good about this. We have no real commitments like a house or kids so I can call it quits any day without any strings attached which is great. I don’t want to waste my valuable time because I have a lot to be happy about but for some reason I stick around thinking there’s something better coming when all things tell me I’m not being valued how I want.

I appreciate the outlook on how it needs to be fixed and giving me a baseline of what I need to expect if I’m going to stick around for another day of this mess

Thanks

She needs to speak to a medical professional, and that’s all there is to it. Sounds like a form of either OCD, extreme anxiety or she’s a hypochondriac. Or all of the above. Either way, Reddit won’t help, it’s not healthy for anyone involved and needs to be examined so she can seek help from there.

So 12 years later. The goal is to never work past the father moving on?

He didn’t do it to hurt the child. Unfortunately he was just upset about the situation. Understandable but that is also part of life.

His other comments though aggressive are accurate. This is a grudge from childhood. He could handle it better but not being a great communicator isn’t call for ending a relationship. Unless there are other circumstances beyond that move out.

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Hey if you figure out how to cure someone else’s anxiety and compulsion for them, be sure to let the medical community know, because it’s never been done before.

You can’t do anything for her. She has to acknowledge that she has a problem first, get mental health counseling, and make the actual effort to stick with what professionals tell her to do.

Also she sucks for texting while driving. There’s a special place in hell for people who do this.

Sounds like more trouble than it’s worth.

The father moved his side piece in a week later and expected the kids to be okay. That’s so disrespectful - as someone whose parent has done the same thing. Then the passive agressive “are you mature enough to talk with me now” things. That’s something my own father did/does regularly to myself and my other siblings. Only 5 out of 6 of us still have any sort of relationship with him for the exact same reasons. Respect begets respect, and his father has shown him 0.

You have to look at it like you would a stalking situation. Or like leaving any abusive relationship.

I had to repeatedly change my number. I had to go No Contact over and over. I had to reprogram my brain not to respond to the baiting and the natural need for a parents love (that I was never going to get)

I had to grieve.

I have no social media that identifies me as myself.

There are a lot of support subs for estrangement. And I suggest Dr. Ramani (Durvasula) on YouTube.

The best advice is never to respond, they feed off attention, good or bad doesn’t matter.

This site gets posted all the time here on reddit, its the missing reasons post, but this whole site is a excellent resourse.

Good luck to you and you derserve to be free.